A
female
age
41-50,
*urious26
writes:So I hooked up with a guy my friend had a crush on. She walked in on us when my pants were down. I told her I was sorry and that I didn't mean to hurt her. she didn't talk to me for a week but she finally started talking to me again and were trying to work it out. But her friends hate my guts now and they're still good friends with the guy I hooked up with.. How is this even fair? I appologized, my friend wasn't dating this guy, they're still friends with this dude but they hate me?! He's a player from what I was told and he's not dating material so I just want to understand why I'm getting hated on? Did I really even do anything wrong? Why are they cool with him and not me???!
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (22 February 2010):
 They're angry at you because you were HER friend and they held you to a higher standard. They are still cool with the guy because he is immaterial; they know that he is a jerk and not worth dating, but they respected their friend's interest in him and allowed her to have her crush. What they understand is that men come and go--and your friend's crush will probably die out--but there are always boundaries that you never cross with your girls.
I don't think they are hating on you; you broke the girl code and they feel you are untrustworthy and not deserving of their friendship. Instead of worrying about them, continue to work on your friendship with the girl you hurt. Your friendship may never be the same, but you need to acknowledge to her that what you did was wrong instead of justifying your actions by saying "they weren't even dating".
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 February 2010):
 What I can't understand is why someone in your age group would even post this question. Everyone involved is acting with an 8th grade mentality. You guys sure couldn't have starred in Sex and The City.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): At the end of the day whats done is done,
they may have crushes, yes, but did any of them actually do anything about it?
also like another reader said, you knew your friends had a crush on him, so could you not have asked her permish first, it would have been a bit more compasionate? if they are supposed to be your friends, then you should have consulted them, or given them the chance and warned them that if anything was to happen it will happen regardless because you are two single people (i assume) and as single people u can do whoever you like etc, you arent tied to anyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Your responses are childish, yes you are not a kid but your response definately is. Time to grow up and take responsibility for your actions.
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A
female
reader, curious26 +, writes (22 February 2010):
curious26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou sound bitter. Are you in high school? Or all your friends just a lot better looking than you and this constantly happens to you. No need to talk down to me! I'm not your kid!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): You say he is not dating material, a player and basically not a good guy? So why was he between your legs? You broke the girl rule and I think you need to question your morals if you cannot see what you did wrong. Time for a morality check.
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A
female
reader, curious26 +, writes (22 February 2010):
curious26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice! But I'm not in high school! I'm 26 and so are these girls! But I can understand why everyone thought I was because my situation n these girls is very very immature!!! I personally think these girls had a thing for him too n that's why they hate my guts
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 Do you really want to be liked by such a pack of spiteful, stupid teenage girls? It's not a crime to be more attractive to the guy in question, and your friend's stupid crush is exactly that, if he was interested he would have gone for her. I hated teenage girls even when I was one of them, and these days I'm sure they're even more vain and brainless than they were back then. If anything, you should be pointing out their juvenile hypocrisy - maybe ask them if you'd be forgiven if you had a penis.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Girl Rule. there is totally this girl rule especially in highschool. and I know its totally unfair but its just how it goes. you def were wrong to do it.. you cant understand what its like till its happened to you. she has every reason not to like you or even talk to you..your lucky she does. I can guarentee you she talks to the other girls about it... and says she cant trust you etc. I wouldnt trust you either. If you want to have a strong relationship with girls you can hookup with there crushes at the time (even if he is a player) and you can date really serious or realitivly new exs. Just how it goes. and for the guy .. he wont get hated usually cause I bet she still has feeling for him.. boys are horny and for some reason they get away with there sex obbssesions etc they can be players you cant really change that even if its unfair ... but you ..yea its going to take a while to earn back trust etc..now your just going to have to deal with the concequiences..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): I understand your frustration.
This is a cultural problem common among young females. It is based in sexism. Most women are sexually biased against their own gender, as they are taught at birth to discriminate against females. Most do not even know they're doing it.
Try choosing to not care about other's opinions. It is very dangerous to care about the opinions of others, as no one has an accurate view of another.
To handle this in an immediate mode, completely ignore the people "hating on" you. Pretend they are invisible. Even if your girlfriend and you are talking and the haters are standing right there, totally act like they are not even in the room, and be happy and pleasant. This act does wonders. It also helps you deal with it; takes away all their power, and lifts your confidence.
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