A
male
age
51-59,
*ysphoric
writes:I can't believe that it is still going on after four years! I posted a question regarding this affair a while back when I thought this whole ordeal was finally coming to an end, but it isn't. We stared flirting, going to lunch. etc., back in the late 2008, and in 2009 we took the plunge and broke all the rules by having sex. Since we're both in the outside sales field, our careers have only enabled this torrid affair by allowing us to get busy during normal work hours. All throughout 2010-2011 it got so crazy that we were having sex about 2-4 times per week! As a single guy, it is a dream come true from the physical aspect getting nothing but passionate, steamy sexual encounters from an attractive drama-free blonde with a great carer. At the same time, I feel terrible for her husband who has invested time and energy in a twenty year marriage. He is suspicious at times and has questioned her but she always denies it. Why is this still going on?? I am wasting my life away by not finding a single available woman, we both go thru transient phases of guilt and remorse for what we're doing, and this "relationship" is causing her a lot of stress. Being the lucid thinker and pragmatist, I give her s*** all the time because of her selfish actions, but I am still with her.....why??? I meet women all the time and do very well with the opposite sex because I am big flirt and charmer; I do have wandering eye though.....don't know if I am a one woman man, but I would like to be.
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affair, flirt, married woman Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Dysphoric +, writes (21 February 2012):
Dysphoric is verified as being by the original poster of the question@dougbcoll....I totally agree that this is about her and me, and not abut her husband. At the same time, she did share with me over the years that the reason she decided to have some fun, after many years of playing the role of the perfect wife,is because of her husband's snide remarks, dismissive attitude towards her, and his controlling nature. She could never do anything right, and this will eventually kill any remnants of intimacy and passion, especially for women.
This is not an excuse for her behavior; she just needs to end it and move on in my opinion. This poor guy gives her $hit all the time as the result of feeling neglected and rejected. I wouldn't put up with it if I were in his situation. But you're right, it is about us, especially this pattern in my life of giving in to women who hunt me down. I've never had to do much work in that area and as I'm getting older I'm even more complacent and reactive with women - I have a hard time saying no to flirtatious overtures from attractive women.
A
male
reader, dougbcoll  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 the woman has no plans of leaving her husband, you have been cheating with her since 2008, 2009. you are a play thing for her. in the end a divorce will be some of the damage. your stealing candy that belongs to someone else and cant take it home to enjoy. on your end you are afraid of commitment with a woman that would be single, and available . your making excuses about her husband blissful state,lazy cheap,older takes a beating. its not about her husband hes the victim here, hes the one being cheated on. this is about you and her. this is about you. you are interested in yourself ( i really need to move but i have no motivation as a result of being showered with affection, and great sex, all without conditions and demands) not her future or her marriage. as long as you are comfortable at the place you are at you will make no changes for the future.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 February 2012):
 We (men) sleep with (read: "we copulate with...") married women (and lots of others, too) because intersourse makes our "Mr Happy" feel so good. That, Sir, is the short (and - ironically - complete) answer to your query....Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Dysphoric +, writes (19 February 2012):
Dysphoric is verified as being by the original poster of the question@female reader....yes, you would think that by now he would have found out about it somehow after having confronted her with questions about who she's texting, or what (work/client) appointment she's actually going to during the day. On occasion, he also jokes about her having a boyfriend, but behind every joke there is a meaning.He's onto something, especially with her not being interested in sex or affection at home. This guy has to either be 1) in a blissful state of denial or 2) too lazy or cheap to hire a private investigator because he's afraid what he'll uncover, or 3)being that he's a lot older than she is, I think that he just "takes a beating" once in a while as long as his wife doesn't leave "the nest". I really need to move but I have no motivation as the result of being showered with affection and great sex, all without conditions or demands.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (19 February 2012):
 You asked: "I am wasting my life away by not finding a single available woman"
In my experience, it signals that you have a fear of intimacy and dating married people makes you feel safer than to actually risk getting involved with someone emotionally available.
I talk about the emotional needs of men and fear of intimacy in my media appearances and you can study them at my website for free at:
www.franktalks.com/emotionalneeds
It is not about what you would "like" to happen. It is about what you "respond" to.
-Frank
-Frank
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (19 February 2012):
 Dude get rid of this brod. Sounds like pure trouble in the end and heartache. If you have the chance to play the field do it, you dont sounds like a desperate guy so date a few if you want. Careful about the husband cause if he's as big as me or bigger, you could be in serious trouble. Get out of there. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): It is easy to see why it still goes on. You are enjoying it despite the obvious issues of guilt etc. You don't call a halt because this thing is still very active so why would you walk away. I suspect it will take being finally caught out by her husband that will bring this to a conclusion. If he already has an inkling then it is only a matter of time for her to back off. Do you want it to end? I suspect not. You have fallen into a honey pot. All the plus sides of a relationship with non of the other, more dull, sides. But it will end and then you will be faced with looking for a more functional relationship.
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