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Why am I good enough to spend all her time with and have amazing sex, but not good enough to date

Tagged as: Dating, Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 March 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2016)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

This is going to sound a bit backwards since it's usually the other way around. However, I have a fwb and she kinda confuses me sometimes.

We have been sleeping together for around 6 months. And the sex is mind-blowing. Two people could not have better sexual chemistry than we do. We do all sorts of kinky stuff in the bedroom and wow. We both have expressed we have never, ever had better sex in our lives. We talk about how good it is constantly and all sorts of different things we want to try together, etc.

We also spend most of our free time together, going out and hanging out together. She comes over at least two to three times a week to spend the night and have sex. On those evenings, we go out to dinner, see a movie, or go have drinks. When we aren't together, she either calls or texts me constantly. Practically all day. It's like any dating relationship I've ever had, just without the title. Which brings me to my point. What the hell are we?

I've had one night stands before, as well as women I'd call just to hook up with on occasion. And I've also had relationships. But this blurs the lines for me because we are neither of those, and I kinda struggle a bit with it. It's harder to keep someone at an emotional distance when you see them and sleep together all the time for 6 months and still be expected to not get even a bit territorial. If she really were an ordinary fwb then I'd never think twice. But we are always together and always talking. She's like my best friend. That's what is messing me up.

A part of me is almost wanting a relationship with her, but I don't know that she would ever go for it. Which also confuses me. Hell, we already ARE basically in one. I take her out on what would otherwise be dates, and we have phenomenal sex. So what am I missing here? I guess I sound backwards here, but I'm wondering why I'm good enough to spend all her time with and have amazing sex, but not good enough to date. What are we doing here?

View related questions: best friend, one night stand, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2016):

You are doing everything that one would do in a relationship. You didn't mention if you talk about future plans or doing anything that would be beneficial to both of you. If You are always giving and paying for dates and she gives nothing?? Heck, in this day and age if you are actually a responsible man and still footing the bill for everything I would hang in there too. So it could be that number one most women nowadays try not to mention if they want to be in a relationship because most men don't want to be~ they want to maintain their friend with benefit status so they can continue to have sex with more than one person. Or, it could be that she knows she cannot be faithful and wants to leave her options open and not have any obligation to being exclusive only to you. Ask her where she is coming from and stands.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (27 March 2016):

Danielepew agony auntI see a funny situation here. Two people who do everything people do in a relationship, but do not consider themselves to be in a relationship because they haven't said so.

It seems to me that this relationship does not involve any honest talking.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (24 March 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntHave a think to yourself and ask yourself do you want a relationship? If the answer is yes well then ask her to be your girlfriend. You have nothing to lose, and a lot to gain. Go for it.

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (24 March 2016):

Garbo agony auntAsk her to be your official, exclusive GF. If she says yes, then you're all set.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (24 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with WCA

Talk to her. Sounds like you already DO have a relationship just without a title.

Maybe she hasn't brought it up because SHE is unsure what YOU want.

What do you have to lose?

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (24 March 2016):

Have you had this discussion with her? It is time.

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