A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a tricky situation and I could do with some advice.I've been seeing a guy for around a month now, and we've got on so great, he's the best thing thats happened to me in ages and he feels the same way.Everything was going perfectly until I got an email from an ex of his saying she is pregnant with his child.He explained they only saw each other twice and it was just fun - he also claims he always used protection with her.I respect and love this guy alot and I don't believe he would lie about this.He also claims she was clingy and possessive and thats why he ended their fling.Could she have found out about our relationship and be jealous enough to lie???Or could she be telling the truth?Can I find out before the baby is born, as its causing alot of friction between me and my BF as I can't get it out of my head?I feel like I don't want to wait till its born because we'll get closer in that time and it might be harder to let go (if thats what I decided to do).I seriously don't know what to do or what to believe.
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female
reader, BadAsh6705  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 I think I may be able to help, seeing as I have been in almost the EXACT same situation before...
I was dating a guy for about 6 months and started to develop pretty strong feelings for him, but he seemed confused about what he wanted and broke it off. After awhile he was dating another girl, but it did not last very long with them before they couldn't stand each other and he eventually came back to me. Well, about a month later she said she was pregnant by him and at first, he didn't believe her and thought she was doing it to mess with his head. After he confirmed that she was pregnant, he knew it was his.
It was very upsetting to me because I felt like I was finally getting my second chance with him when this happened, but now I realize that she was pregnant and alone and scared and all these horrible feelings, and it was selfish of me to think about my feelings above an unborn child.
Is there any way that he could know that he was the only one she was with? Maybe not, but there's a good chance that it could be his also and I don't think it's fair to automatically label this girl as a liar and assume that it's not his.
Realistically as a woman (I'm sure you can agree if you think about it) would you really tell someone they are the father of your baby if you weren't sure? I'm sure it's hard enough to tell someone this when it was by accident and you're not in a relationship, so maybe you shouldn't be so hard on this girl, and at least get him to ask her what date the baby was conceived. You can probably figure it out if she's lying if you really try.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (16 January 2008):
 First of all, you should believe the person you love. Not his ex. She could very well be lying just to cause problems. In which case, she is succeeding. It is possible that she really is carrying his baby, but you won't know until after she gives birth. Then I suggest your b/f insist a blood test be done on the baby to prove who the father is. If she's just blowing smoke she'll have this baby and you won't hear another word out of her. Even he she continues to spout about him being the father, until she can prove it, you guys should feel free to ignore her completely and probably should. The proof will be in the pudding. If she has the baby and has the blood test and presto, he is the father, then you will both have alot of decisions to make. The courts will force him to pay child support and she will forever be a part of your lives through that baby. He will no doubt want to see the child from time to time, he may even be allowed to have week-end visitation rights when the child gets older, and you may even learn to love this child, even if you don't care for the mother. But for now -- just take baby steps (no pun intended). Write her off at the moment. Don't accept anymore e-mails or phone calls from her until after she gives birth and can produce blood proof that your b/f is the child's father. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 that is a tricky situation that your in. only you can make the decision whether or not you believe him or her, and if this really was his child, would it make a huge difference to you? he's not with her anymore, and he is happy with you. my guess would be to trust your instinct and believe him, you dont even know this girl and your letting her jeopardise wat you have. she could just be a crazy ex trying to keep hold of him, so dont let it affect your relationship, has this guy ever given you any reason to doubt him??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): Oh man this guys sounds like such a loser. He gets some girl pregnant. He already has a new girlfriend. And I am sure she is not lying about that and even if she was lying, why would such a "great" guy date a girl so imbalanced?? And the fact that he would talk about his ex girlfriend like that "oh she's clingy and possessive" in response to her being pregnant? He just gave you insight into how he is going to speak of YOU when you two break up. I mean what if that was you who got pregnant and your bf said that about you. That's just awful. I would want my bf or ex for that matter to be compassionate and treat the situation with utter respect.
I think you should just tell him to straghten things out in his life and if he ever does, he can hold on to your number and give you a call then. But hopefully by then you will want nothing to do with him.
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