A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just wanted everyone's opinion on this. I ask because my ex still flirts with me even though he's got a girlfriend. He's even said to me once how do I know if he ain't lying about being in a relationship, and that I should pretend that he's still single and that his girlfriend doesn't exist. I mean, who on earth would actually say this about their boyfriend or girlfriend?! I just don't find it completely ridiculous!!I get so confused. He says I'm a good friend but then says that he really loves me and wishes I loved him. Calls me everynight. If he's got a girlfriend now, why can't he just leave me alone?So, what's your opinion on guys who flirt with their ex or other girls whilst being in a relationship? Can a guy love the girl he's with if he does this?
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 I totally agree that he should not be talking like that. If he does NOT want to speak respectfully to and about his Gf then why is he still with her?
Next time he starts speaking in a disrespectful manner about anyone, just terminate the conversation. And really mean it. Explain why and leave.
Give him no reward when he speaks dis-respectfully. That is, he likes talking to you and you represent a 'reward' to him. Deny the reward / pleasure of talking to you, every time he starts acting up. If he is smart he will get the message and stop. If he does not work it out then leave a longer gap each time before you will agree to speak to him.
Listening to his diatribes abusing others would become very tiring after a while.
You do not have to be so amenable and co-operative. You can even define the only convenient times for him to contact oyou.
And if he ever hints that he misses you and would like to be with you again, then remind him that you could not live with a person who might become a verbally abusive partner and suggest that that he try to think of some less abusive words to explain how things reall are .
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (30 January 2012):
I totally agree that he should not be talking like that. If he does not want to speak respectfully ro and about his Gf then why is he still with her?
Next time he starts speaking in a disrespectful manner about anyone, just terminate the conversation. And really mean it.
Give him no reward. That is, he likes talking to you and you represent a 'reward' to him. Deny the reward / pleasure of talking to you, every time he starts acting up. If he is smart he will get the message and stop. If he does not work it out then leave a longer gap each time before you will agree to speak to him.
Listening to his diatribes abusing others would become very tiring after a while.
You do not have to be as amenable and co-operative. You can even define the only convenient times for him to contact oyou.
And if he ever hints that he misses you and would like to be with you again, then remind him that you could not live with a person who might become a verbally abusive partner and suggest that that he try to think of some less abusive words to explain how things reall are .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirstly, thanks mods for changing the question.Abella: Thanks for your response. I understand what you are trying to say, and no I was his first girlfriend so there was no one he could talk to about me. Well, apart from his male friends who really liked me and thought I was good girlfriend to him. Whenever I ask him how his gf is doing, he doesn't like talking about her. I don't get why. I know if I was in a relationship, I'd tell him about how wonderful my bf is. He doesn't have anything good to say about her, and says his gf talks to him like a "bitch" :/. He once said to me when I'm in a relationship he hopes my bf cheats on me and whenever I get married, he'll call my husband a "bastard" because he's got me. If he's supposed to be my friend, surely he shouldn't say things like that to me? Even if it's a joke, I don't find it funny one bit.If he loves his gf, he needs to stop bothering or caring about me so much.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 January 2012):
If he was just trying to see if he still can push your buttons (a male ego response) then he would not seek hours of advice,.Instead, sounds like he has a problem?I suggest that he is not happy in his current relationship, and is being disloyal to his current Gf.But before he 'jumps ship' he wants to explore if you are still into him, so that he has a confirmed girl he can go to in case he breaks up with his current Gf..He either wants to get back with you, or he wants to use you as his fall back position while he looks for his next girl after he breaks up with his current Gf.Or he values your advice but is only using you for advice as he knows you give good advice and he wants to use you for that.I would tell him to break up with her first if he can't confide in her and can't discuss some things with her - indicating she is not really 'the one' for him long term..Did he do this to you, too, when he was breaking up with you? By calling on another earlier Gf for advice on his relationship with you?If yes it's a lousy way to treat his current partnerAnd potentially just 'using' his ex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMod note: your comment actioned and title amended to reflect question asked hope that helps.The question is supposed to be, what is your opinion on guys who flirt with their ex? I don't know how that question even fits to what I'm asking!!
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