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What's the deal with his friend who thinks I'm ugly?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 March 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 4 March 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So my boyfriend has this friend. Let's call him Joe. So Joe keeps telling my bf that I am ugly. Now Joe has only seen me in person once. He also does not have a girlfriend, just a bunch of different girls that he calls up for sex.

Joe constantly shows my bf pics of the girls in his "little black book" and says things like "Do you think your girl looks better than this?" or "Now I know this girl looks better than your girlfriend!" Of course my bf disagrees. He has even repeatedly asked him to stop bringing up the subject. But Joe just won't quit.

Now, I am completely secure with my looks and my bf and the rest of his friends/family think I'm beautiful. I just want some opinions on the issue. Is Joe jealous? Insecure? Or is he just an asshole? What do you guys think?

View related questions: insecure, jealous

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011):

Guys are competitive and Joe wants to look like the stud in front of his friends. It's just a way for him to kiss and tell and show off all the girls he can get and make them look better in comparison to what his friends can get.

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A male reader, Mark_25_ United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2011):

Mark_25_ agony auntHe's all the things you listed, and it might be a strange way of showing it, but he might actually like you romantically. Maybe he thinks he can try and tempt your boyfriend with another girl, so he could then, "be your hero" lol. Just a theory.

Whatever it is, don't pay attention to him, your boyfriend sounds like a good guy, and that's the most important thing, so don't worry about it.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (3 March 2011):

Tisha-1 agony auntIf you've only met him once, how do you know what he's doing or saying to your boyfriend? How old is he and how old is your boyfriend?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (3 March 2011):

Honeypie agony auntHe's a douche alright. I'm guess he can't hold on to a girlfriend and is jealous that your BF can. Calling you ugly is just the "brightest" thing he can come up with... Sounds like a rather pathetic friend.

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A male reader, sebaslookingforward Argentina +, writes (3 March 2011):

Do not worry about Joe. Your boyfriend loves you, his family loves you, everyone approves of you. Joe doesnt know the meaning of love. I bet you are beautiful too because you have this security with your looks :) so ignore Joe, and hopefully he will learn the true meaning of love someday. Good luck to u and your bf.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011):

Joe sounds like all three you listed: "a jealous, insecure, asshole." But he'll probably be the last one to find out.

Why is he doing this? Likely because the concept of thinking about a person beyond their sexual potential has never occurred to him. That's probably why he keeps bringing it up even though your bf has asked him to stop. He literally doesn't know any better...he's jealous of what you and your boyfriend have, but he doesn't even know why.

What to do? It's not really up to you since you're not friends with him, but I suspect your boyfriend will lose his temper with him eventually. What he's doing is not respectful and it's insulting to your boyfriend. Maybe one day he'll tell him more that to just "stop it"...and hopefully then he'll back off.

Good luck

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (3 March 2011):

dirtball agony auntJoe's an asshole. He's insecure and competative. He thinks he's all that and isn't afraid to belittle others to make them think he is either. Ignore that douche.

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