A
male
age
30-35,
*91
writes:What's up guys,I've been away from here for almost a year but I've had something on my mind for quite a while that I'd like to here people's opinions on why they don't want to get into relationships. I've heard this from a large number of my friends lately but they give very vague answers when I ask why.Personally for myself why I don't want a relationship is how often and how easily I see people get cheated on. I have friends that do not weekly and feel no shame and I hear stories of it routinely.Please feel free to add your inputs which I'm interested to read.Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 April 2016):
 If the question is what would keep me in a relationship, I would say it's an emotional need, a sense of belonging, that always trump the inconvenience of being in one. It's okay that people don't want to be in a relationship because time is not right. The ones who make it have found that the benefits outweigh the cons. Ideally couples experience a joy that's much more than just making it. I do agree that many people make it but for people who don't, that's okay too.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (10 April 2016):
 Janniepeg,
I do see that problem in young marriages lately. But the vast majority of Adults do have jobs and responsibilities. In fact it is going to be very hard to have any kind of long term relationship without the people aging to the point where they have jobs and responsibilities. Then there are children and they are a responsibility. Sometimes transitioning into parenthood is the relationship killer.
But, most of us made it. We have long term fulfilling relationships, and jobs, and hobbies, and kids, and grandkids. Really we do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2016): Serpico- I'm curious, why would a girl having a bad relationship with her father prevent you from forming a relationshop with her? Is this a general or a very specific situation?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 The thing that would keep me from getting into a relationship and actually had previously kept me out of a relationship would be not being ready to offer someone the deepest parts of myself because I either don't think that that particular person deserves it or the timing just isn't right for me to reveal my inner most treasured self. That's the only thing that ever prevented me entering into relationships. Clearly cheating is what you're most afraid of and that's actually a fear that's common among people who aren't quite ready for a relationship and the possible hurt or joy it may bring. Infidelity is a major issue in this day and age but we can't let it prevent us from cultivating a possibly deep and meaningful connection. That's actually very sad if I may add. Take your time for whatever reason but don't make the main reason be infidelity or you may miss out on the person of your dreams in the process.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (8 April 2016):
Two reasons that have consistently kept me out of a relationship:
1 - Girl has bad relationship with her father
2 - Girl has high number of sexual partners.
Typically, they went together, but not always. Following this rule has kept me out of a lot of heartache.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 April 2016):
I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I honestly feel that being responsible and having to pay bills sucks out our ability to love, and that's including myself. My point is that the effort that's required to sustain a relationship is too much of a hassle. I can name a lot of things that women do that turn men off of relationships as well. Such as princess syndrome and being too suffocating, or being too guarded and non trusting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2016): In regards to Sage Old Guy's posting, I think he'd date all the sexy gals he could 'cause he appreciates sexy gals and undoubtedly is one sexy guy himself!!
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (7 April 2016):
Wow Janniepeg, that was down right brutal, I've never thought of you as such a cynic. I must say I wouldn't like those choices either.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 April 2016):
For me the issue is not cheating. I've never been cheated on. If I didn't want a relationship it's because it does not offer me enough benefits. Not enough men want them and the ones who can love in the genuine sense are the ambitionless, moneyless sweeties who still live at home. Basically a mind of a kid. Sweet and romantic, but does not take charge and you end up doing most of the work. The ones who got their lives together are ones who have too much of an attitude of "what's in it for me, and how can I make sure I get the most (sex and fun) without putting the least amount of effort."
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 April 2016):
N91 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the answers.
I've never completely shut myself off from the idea of a relationship, I've actually come close a number of times but something has always occurred for us to go our separate ways.
The latest one for me being the girl had been in a long term relationship before me and despite talking for around about a year when I asked her out she kind of freaked out and declined.
I guess it just depends on the individual as everyone is up to different stages in their lives and we all have different wants and needs at particular times.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2016): Personally for myself why I don't want a relationship is how often and how easily I see people get cheated on.
People have accidents but you still drive or use public transport. You still use dangerous instruments like knives.
Risk itself is part of life but if you value companionship then you would be willing to take that risk.
I decided at the age of 20 that I didn't want relationships,that I wanted to have fun and not miss out being young and carefree. But I met someone amazing and we've been together since. I moved countries for him and we're now married and life is great.
Sometimes you meet someone who totally changes your perspective on things ;-)
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 April 2016):
N91 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers.
I've never completely shut myself off from the idea of a relationship, I've actually come close a number of times but something has always occurred for us to go our separate ways.
The latest one for me being the girl had been in a long term relationship before me and despite talking for around about a year when I asked her out she kind of freaked out and declined.
I guess it just depends on the individual as everyone is up to different stages in their lives and we all have different wants and needs at particular times.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 April 2016):
 I took a couple of years of dating after my 3rd BF to simply find myself again, to get over the resentment (of myself AND him) and to find my "happy place" again.
I didn't feel like I had anything to "give". That I wasn't "good enough" of a GF. I took on the "blame" for #3's cheating. I seriously felt it was MY fault. And it took me a GOOD while to realize that it wasn't.
Like you, I don't think I had a lot of trust in other people, but even more so, I had little to no trust in myself. I hadn't "seen" the guy for what he really was, and I felt like I should have.
So being jaded, I get it.
Not wanting to get hurt again, I get that too.
The thing is, if you don't want a relationship that is fine. If you like being single, that is fine too. But living with the presumption that your next partner WILL cheat on you is not. Because you REALLY can not know that. Would YOU cheat on a partner yourself? If not, I think you might want to consider that you CAN find a partner who wouldn't cheat on you. IT IS possible.
Living in that kind of "fear" isn't healthy either.
If I had chosen to think ALL men I'd date after #3 would cheat, I wouldn't have given my husband a chance, I wouldn't have 3 wonderful kids and the life that I have.
And even if you DID venture out on the dating market, met a girl/guy and they cheated on you - that would NOT be BECAUSE of you. IT would be because THEY made that choice. So having a "longer" courtship is usually (IMHO) a good idea, because chances of finding someone who have the same values and boundaries is greater.
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reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (7 April 2016):
Relationships are relationships of trust. Trust is the stuff that relationships are made up of. Based on your observations you have come to the conclusion that most people are not trust worthy so you decline to enter into a relationship. I have no trouble with your logic. I'm pretty sure your conclusion that MOST people are untrustworthy is due to a poor sampling in your observations. In other words you run with a nasty crowd.
Lets turn it around a bit. You are not a cheater, you have honor, and live by your code. You also think you are a pretty average person. Therefore average people at likely to be as trustworthy as you are. Above average people are more trustworthy. That means that most of the people in a truelove random sampling are pretty trustworthy. Or, you really are an exceptionally trustworthy person.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 April 2016):
 Dear N91: There is no question that people can conjure up oodles of "reasons" not to do most anything....
For example... some people driving automobiles lose control and run in to bridge abutments. Is that a good reason to never drive a car? Or, they go to a baseball game (or, a cricket match) and get clobbered by a foul ball. Good enough reason to not attend such an event?
Life is a constant - never ending - series of "chances"... At issue is which activities to partake of, and which to NOT.
IF one thinks that the "chances" of not having a great relationship because of the risk of infidelity... then he/she can avoid such relationships (romances) and nobody (else) needs to be the wiser....
What he/she then must have decided to forego.... are the many benefits that come with a good/great/terrific relationship....
That's the balance that we all must strike.... each and every day..... Remember: You can always try to run away from adversity.... but you're unlikely to get away from ALL of them....
Good luck....
P.S. The only reason I wouldn't date a girl is if she smoked!!!!
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