A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly six months and we have started to try and have sex. I can make him come by blow jobs but so far he has only given me handjobs. These used to be very intense for me but recently I just haven't got turned on. And so if we try to have sex I feel really tight. Also it feels like he is pushing down rather than up into me. Can anybody give me any tips - I feel so ready for this and frustrated that it is not happening. Please tell me I am not the only one who has found losing their virginity hard.
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female
reader, Emmajane +, writes (27 September 2007):
 I agree you don't wanna be drunk! a drink to relax yes, but drunk is not cool! Also, get some lube, there's lots of it in the supermarkets these days and it makes things a lot easir for both of you. By the way, if you give him oral, he could do the same to you, much more enjoyable for you than a hand job, but make sure he's gentle, as some guys go at it far to hard and then they get jaw ache before they bring you off and have to resort to those fingers again!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (27 May 2007):
 Hi there, sweetness...
Well, you're not the only one who has had a difficult time losing her virginity. I know the feeling. For me, I just couldn't relax, it was painful, he just couldn't "get in" and it took us a month - yes, a MONTH, to finally do it!
But, the experience of getting to that point was a blast, and I hope that you're having fun too. Remember that you and your boyfriend will eventually get this right and have the rest of your lives to have sex... so for the time now, have fun with each other, laugh and try to alleviate any pressure.
All though I don't think you should be DRUNK, maybe a drink of wine might help you relax a little... and expect this to take some time. so make sure you don't have any plans. Save a few hours for this.
Be naked with each other... maybe he could try exploring you orally (talk to him about that!), explore each other, enjoy each other. Remember to se lots of lube, because otherwise it will be VERY uncomfortable. My favorite kind is KY Warming Liquid, it warms up on skin contact, it's not very sticky, and it doesn't leave a lot of disgusting residue.
Good foreplay is always essential. I don't know if you ever incorporate toys into your foreplay, but they can be a fun way to help YOU relax. Maybe stick something (a toy, a finger, what have you.) into yourself first (into your hoo-haa... I don't want to be vulgar! Gah!), to help yourself relax and get yourself (your hoo-haa) ready to be taking in your man.
As for why it feels like he's pushing down, well... it might feel like that until he actually is able to get in more easily. Then he can push right on "up" into you. But, a good thing for you to do to help him, is to use your hand to guide him in. Trust me, it will save a lot of time, and a lot of misses (some can be pretty painful!). Don't just do this the first time, do it everytime. Guys can't see what they're doing! They don't know! Help them out.
So, in conclusion. Losing ones virginity - virtually pain free! - takes: time, patience, communication and lubrication.
Have fun, you'll get it soon.
Good luck, sweetness!
xxIndia
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (27 May 2007):
 You two have to satisfy each other. Try different modes of foreplay. If he's moving in a way that hurts, or doesn't feel right, you need to lead him.
DV1
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A
female
reader, vixy +, writes (27 May 2007):
your not, maybe you have Vaginismus which means
"An involuntary or persistent spasm of the muscles of the outer third of the vagina, again not attributable to physiological effects of physical causes. Vaginismus may be either lifelong or recent; generalised to all sexual encounters or specific to certain partners or situations."
that is from www.priory.com
if not. then i think try more foreplay and try on top. and i've noticed if he doesn't have a condom on it's a lot harder to get in then with one. and also try more lube.
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