A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a friendship question. I have a potentially toxic friendship. This friend (known her for about 7 months) has often corrected me in a demeaning manner when I make mistakes, likes to talk to people about how "quiet" I am and "shy", doesn't really let me speak for myself, offers criticism when most other friends would offer support, and usually has to have the last, and most correct, word. I go to church with her, and by that I also mean we ride the bus together part of the way to church every Sunday. And, since we're both foreigners, it's kind of difficult to separate from her in our already rather small congregation of people we can barely communicate with. Changing churches is out of the question. Changing bus routes or time would be awkward and make me late or way too early, and I would still be spending time with her. The people we both hang out with are great too, so I don't want to give up those friendships because of her. I'm just sick of the condescension. She makes me feel small, like I'm not trying hard enough in pretty much anything. She likes to one-up me in so many ways, and I'm growing tired of it. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2014): Stay away from her. She is going to affect your self esteem. If you keep hanging with her you will eventually get so angered at her that you will probably lash out at her, as you'll end up resenting her and things might get ugly and irredeemable. So start now by weening her out of your life. Be short with her. Be civil. And keep your relationship with her at arm's length. When you see her on the bus, keep yourself busy, talk on the phone, talk to someone else on the bus, do work, read a book. Engage in anything that will prevent you from having to converse with her in too much depth. Stop trusting her and stop telling her personal details about your life. When you see her at church, be polite but make time instead for the friends you do like.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 October 2014):
 Can you make a joke when she talks for you .... say something like "just a moment while I get Mary's arm out from the back of my shirt (do a puppet hand here) so I can answer that for myself"
Or be upfront, (this will take practice and determination) "Mary, I really appreciate your friendship, but I DO wish you would let me speak and think for myself, and hold off with the Briticism, its starting to make me feel uncomfortable with you".
Maybe look for a Myers Briggs personality test online, and then discuss with her the differences in personalities .... for example you being an introvert means you like to internalize which can often be mistaken for shyness.
I wish you luck, I've had friends like her in the past .... its horrible!!
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