A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. This is one for the men really. My female friend asked me what men find so interesting about spending hour after hour, night after night, at the pub? Are they looking for opportunities to be unfaithful? Perhaps some guys could answer this for me. My friend is really hurting because her husband, who spends alot of time at the pub, passionately kissed another woman while he was drunk. When he realised what he was doing, he was mortified and pushed her away. He had been texting this other woman too. On the other side of the coin, a few months ago a male friend of mine had done the very same thing - got drunk, passionately kissed another girl, then realised what he was doing and pushed her away as he had a girlfriend. He was filled with remorse and he asked my advice as to whether he should tell his girlfriend?I have just started going out with a new guy who loves to go down to the pub with his mates for a few beers. But given what several of my friends have said about this culture I am beginning to have some concerns about it. I don't think my boyfriend gets drunk when he goes out (but I don't know since we don't live together), but it seems like when guys (and I am sure some girls) do, they launch themselves at any girl in the heat of the moment and then suddenly a light bulb goes off in their head and they think 'ah.... I've got a partner'. If the guys are so filled with remorse afterwards, why put themselves in that situation to start with? I am concerned that if this is a common occurence when guys go out with their mates to pubs then my boyfriend could be involved in this. How do I express my concerns to my boyfriend without it being too obvious, and how do I help my friends??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): Well, my step dad goes to this 1 bar in particular, and even if my mom & him go out of state for a trip, like to Las Vegas, he has to find one of these particular bars, and he hangs out there almost the entire time. It is a sports bar. He is an alcoholic. I don't know why else he does this. He is retired, and he'll wake up around 11 a.m., take a shower & then it's right to the bar while my mom is at work. I think it's really pathetic.
A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (21 August 2007):
Hey,
Now I'm not the type to go to the pub every night either but being a guy I thought I might as well give my penny's worth.
I have friends who are similar, after work its straight to the pub. I think its just a form of escape and a chance to forget about the stress's of the day. Especially for a group of guys, its an opportunity to be a bit laddish and childish in a surrounding where no one will look twice. If its a regular thing with a bunch of good friends then perhaps he feels he is missing out if he doesn’t go.
As for the getting drunk and kissing other girls thing. Well personally unless you are at the point of passing out - being drunk is no excuse, you are still in control.
Sure guys (and I’m sure girls) think about other people when in a relationship, you don’t suddenly start finding other people unattractive just because you have a partner, I guess being drunk gives the excuse to take it a step to far.
As we all know being drunk does lower your inhibitions so if the guy feels the need to kiss other girls then maybe the relationship wasn’t that strong to begin with.
I guess it boils down to trust. These friends maybe do sound like a bad influence, perhaps its just an image thing. They need to show themselves/mates they 'still have it'.
On bringing up the topic, maybe tell him little story about a drunk guy (who u knew had a g/f) who came onto you when you were out with your girlfriends. Tell him you don’t think much of guys who do that kind of thing, and you are glad he is not that type. See how he reacts.
Overall I know loads of guys who go to the pub lots but would never cheat on there partner, so unless you start to really suspect something I wouldn’t worry.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (21 August 2007):
 I like to go for a beer. I don't cheat on my wife though. It's just as easy, or easier, to cheat with someone at work. It depends on the person. People don't launch themselves at anybody. They usually start flattering each other and then they cross the line.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (21 August 2007):
 Hi
Sorry im a female but i wouldnt mind knowing the answer to this too. I finished with a guy telling him, pub guys arent really my type. Im 36 & someone that needs to pop in for a beer after work all the time isnt my sorta guy. He talked me round, saying he had grown out of it, only for him, after we split for good, to be in the pub every night, still is 2 months later.
I dont know if other women come into it, but it will be interesting to see what guys answer with!
C xxxxx
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