A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone :)I was just curious…do most people get along well with their in-laws/parents of their SO?I'm in a relationship with a guy a really like, but my relationship with his family (parents and two older siblings) is just so-so. They're not bad people, but they're really wealthy and talk about money a lot and are pretty materialistic (which I've never really been exposed to before and have a hard time understanding). They also tend to gossip about whoever isn't in the room at that time, and they're really critical of everyone, even other family members. This is not something my family usually does and is a bit unsettling for me because I'm sure that they start talking about me as soon as I leave.I know things could be worse with potential future in-laws, but I feel a little sad because I know that, if my BF and I stay together, they'll probably never feel like a "second family" or anything like that. They're tolerable, but we wouldn't be good friends.What have others experienced with this? How common is it to really like your in-laws? Does it cause problems in your relationship (especially if you have children, which I want in the future)? Thanks, and Merry Christmas!!
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 December 2013):
 Eh, my husband has a big family and to be honest.. I don't like 75% of them. BUT I did grow up with minding my manners, and being civil.
I wouldn't really worry about the whole in-law thing. Unless they treat you like dirt.
It really is a luck of the draw when it comes to family - that includes in-laws.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2013): I have never got on with my mother in law and she doesn't like me either. We tried a bit when I was in my 20's but now at 50 we no longer pretend. She is totally self absorbed and I am just not interested in her or her views at all. It does not make for an easy relationship with my husband who is always stuck in the middle. If you can all get along it is far far better than what I have but in reality it is just not always possible. Even if you don't like them try to go to family events and accompany him otherwise it drives an unhealthy wedge and unless your relationship is rock solid they will come between you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 December 2013):
 We often have to deal with people in our everyday lives who we don't actually like. Bosses and co workers, extended family members, and in laws alike.
As long as all involved are willing to act in a civil manner there will be no problems, recognise not everybody thinks the same, we are all the results of our upbringings, our schooling and extended families and communities, demonstrate tolerance and all should be okay.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 December 2013):
 Tolerable... and rich ? You are a lucky girl, OP, tons of people have INtolerable in laws... who are also in bad financial shape and may need help,lol !
I can only speak from my experience, personal and general, and my impressions, and I won't mind being contraddicted , but... no, in general there's not much love lost between in laws. Relationships can be conflictual in some eveniences, but even if everything goes well, I'd say that if you manage to be mutually civil , respectful and tolerant, that's already a good result.
That may sound cynical, but if you think about is pretty normal. Every family is a complex organism, with their own rules, values, traditions, way to relate, way of doing things which will be different from yours. They'll have their own way to raise kids or spend money or gossip about people, which is not the one which you have grown up with, or personally chosen or willingly adopted. I think it's inevitable that people feel the difference and may not be willing and able to fall in love with it , or embrace it enthusiastically- they will tolerate it politely at best. Same as you are doing. After all, if you had wanted to talk material stuff or to gossip about people, you'd have done it before on your own, you won't come to like these things just because you are going to marry a member of that family.
As you have your own pet peeves- riches and gossips - other people will have their own, so some distance is , if not inevitable, very frequent. At times this distance turns into active dislike, other times you can keep it as a civilized, open minded non- belligerance, but, in my experience, very seldom people think, or WANT to think, of in-laws as of their " second family ". Generally people can do pretty well, from an emotional, affective point ofview, just with their first one, the birth family. And with the one they have founded themselves, of course.
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