A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses why he didnot have any money. Then when I saw a text from another girl in his phone and he knew I saw it , he started packing his clothes and moved out. The he began to brag, that he has been getting himself together all along. He used me to get the apartment.I thought I was helping him, but I can see that men are real ass hole. I blocked his number from my cell phone. But I did not block him from my home phone. This ass hole had the nerve to call me again. What can he really say to me now! I ask him does he have some money to give me and I have not heard from him since. What does he want now?
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (20 October 2012):
 You are welcome xx
Remember that unless he is showing up at your door, asks you to be his girlfriend, shows you evidence that he can make a commitment, then he cannot come back into your life (because you want commitment, love and to be treated with respect)...anything less? just ignore him.
In time you are going to meet someone who gives you that...sounds like it's definitely NOT him.
Have a fantastic weekend xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are right I am listening to you. I will not let him in. Thank you for keeping me sharp. I need your support. I thank you for your insight of this sort of abuse. You are really good at what you do. I appreciate everything you say. I am listening to you!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 October 2012):
Sorry I realised it was POF and not facebook....Isn't POF hook up site?...If he's on a hook up site doesn't that mean he's looking for no strings sex...
Guys a nightmare!!!!!
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 October 2012):
Read your previous post about the girl he cheated on you with, the one he told lies about you..do you seriously want to go back to that?
Come on...facebook message fr YOU to call HIM??? It's a shabby lazy attempt to get some attention...
Remember??..Men will come around to poke you for years and years if you let them, still don't make it a commitment, still doesn't make it a relationship.
I totally understand if you feel compelled to take the bait, but ask yourself if things will be different this time, like they WERN'T all the other times you got back with him.
It's just fear of letting go.
That said, it's your decision and I wish you the best.
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI received a text message from my ex on plenty fish .com. He asked if would call
him. We have been sepeated for over a month. Should I send him message or should I just ignore the message...?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI reeceived another call from the girl he cheated on me with just yesterday. She went on to say that he had told her so many lies about me. He told her that I had ovarian cancer. What kind of peson does that. He told her that beat up my brother with a bat. This never happened. He told her that I stalked him repeatedly. The did not happen. But he still tries to talk with after all the lies he has told about me for no reason at all. With this new information I do not want to be anywhere near him. However he got apartment 5 blocks away from me. This was difficult for a while I did not know where he lived. I do now... It is mind boggling that this man could think and feel that I would meet him. I never told him I received a call from the other women. The other women says she believes everything that I had said to her about him. I just want to forget the hurt and pain. Everyday it is a struggle. But I know from the test I was handed to day, I can say that i was able to say nooo to him. Thank you for sharing your own experiences and encouragement
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (7 October 2012):
Just another test to keep you dangling on the hook.
Just another test to pass.
If he really loved you, he'd be breaking your door down to hug you and he'd have your money (every penny) in his pocket to pay you.
Think about it...you know what he wants.
Strange that I feel so affiliated with your dilemma as it's very similar to my own. My ex also called me on Monday morning, out of the blue and on a concealed number. I was short with him, told him it had spoilt my morning and asked him not to call me again. He will leave it a few weeks or months then call me again like nothing happened, but what he really doesn't realise is that he is really f**king hurting me (even now)and his inability to commit to a relationship with me is still painful. He seems to think we can stay friends, but the thought of watching him go off with another woman is something I do not want to watch, so I have asked him over and over to leave me be.
He rang on a concealed number because he knew I would never answer had I known it was him. I love this guy,we have a six year history, but I know we will never be together and it took all my strength every day to move myself on and everytime he comes around, he brings me back to painful memories of when he left, but I have hardened and am stronger and I have cried my last tears for him.
I no longer accept the crumbs of a man who has taken so much from me. I don't want him to know about me and my future because that is MY life...and it's a life without him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just received a phone call from my ex, he asked if I could meet him at the lake front for a hug. He says he misses me. I said what do you miss ..He says just you... I said well you still owe me money. He says he will pay me next month. I told him that I thought it was too soon for contact of this sort. What does he really want? I had just got through praying..The lord is my shephard I shall not want!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYour writing is beautiful. Thank you so much.... I look forward to getting where you are and smell sweet sweet freedom...Thank you for the words of encouragement and support. You have blessed my day!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 September 2012):
Returning to work will give you a massive boost...and nobody better than kids for making you laugh and putting your life in perspective.
I have been where you are and I know how you are feeling but you have begun the journey to healing and the difficult days and nights will become less and less.
Breathe in that new air, take notice of all around you and just feel blessed that you are alive, you have purpose and that your greatest ally is yourself...and there is no greater or more important love than the love of yourself...and you need peace.
I am at the end of that painful journey (and have been for quite some time)...don't look back, keep moving foward and you will get to where I am...
and it's a good place to be!!
Hugs xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am taking care of myself... I fell down the stairs at my school, three weeks ago. I am a teacher.. so I am in physical therapy right now. I am going back to work next month.And I have been getting rest. I constantly tell myself that he was a bad person who treated you this way because you allowed it. I am trying to forgive myself for allowing this mistreatment. I hope that going back to work will help. I love the children I deal with on a daily basis. I want to be the best for them. I want to focus on them. Some nights my mind does wonder and plays old and terribles records of my past. My social and emotional life will take some time to heal..The abuse became the norm. I searching for a new normal free of physical emotional, verbal and social abuse. I going to take a walk now to clear out the garbage and take in some fresh fall air. Thank you!
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 September 2012):
Tell us some of the good things that you are experiencing since you no longer have to deal with this nightmare of a man in your life?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have not heard from my ex since I asked if he had some money. I am moving on with my life praying everyday for support through this process. I had a decade of abuse but I know that with everyday it will get and better. I appreciate the wisdom of everyone , I reread your ccomments often..There were many red flags during the relationship. So much drama and disrespect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you!!!!
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 September 2012):
:-) :-):-)
Hoooray!!!
You go girl!!!
Now the sun can shine on your life, because you had the courage to step out of the shadow!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have not heard from him...I knew he would not contact me after I asked for the money he owed me....Thanks to God.....In jesus name Amen!!!!!Thank you all for words...You all were right in many of things you said about me and him. I am living a new life without the manipulator. Moving into the light without the darkness....that once dominated my life for more than a decade!!!!! In Jesus Name Amen!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all... agree with you. I have let this person destroy my mind and life on many levels for over a decade. It takes time to get over it. I am now beginning to see life without him.. I had been working on this for three years. Not calling him..identifying him as liar for his name when he called. He knew about all of this.. But he is very sneaky....Just by keeping the abuse in the front of my head always. I knew when I asked him for some money I really would not hear from him again. I am aware of my weaknesses and had been working on them. I realized that this man is narcissistic personality as well. I have told him through emails please do not try to get in touch with me again. I would have a restraing order place on him. You are right having him out of my life is worth far more. I does not matter what he wants....Thank you for the feedback....Some men are ass holes. I realized he may think he is the man of the year....but he will never ever be a man.....Thank you again for your feedback I really do appreciate it. Sincerely,
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A
male
reader, BachelorGreatUncle +, writes (21 September 2012):
"What does this master manipulator want now?"For you to want to know what he wants now. That's what a master manipulator does, elicits exact response he wants from unsuspecting will-never-learn women who keep falling for the same tricks over and over and over. If he calls, then don't answer. If the answer is "no," then no need to speculate on what he wants. That's what he wants. "What can he really say to me now!"Nothing. But you're still wondering, which means you've got him on your mind, that's what he's wants, that's what he's counting on, that's what worked last time he was in the same exact situation (you don't recall, but he does), that's what will work next time (when you won't make connection to this time). To expand on AuntyEm's post, I suggest not always need for drama that feeds beast as much as need for attention, and that's what maniuplators feed on, only thing worse than the sound of the ring of a-hole's unanswered call is the sound of the ring of nobody calling at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2012): I am not kicking ass I'm in total agreement . You need to tell him to duck of and mean it. . Or otherwise he'll just take you for another ride. Which of course you'd be the one paying for.. Don't let him back in, he's a roach. Take care
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 September 2012):
I am going to get my butt kicked over this one but really I don't mind because I have to say it...
We see a lot of questions on DC about women who take bad behaviour from men (sometimes women badly treating men)over and over and over again...
Terrible things, really nasty stuff, lies cheating, taking money, violence, manipulation and the women take it and take it and take it...sometimes for years, sometimes for their whole lives and you gotta ask yourself why?
They come to DC hoping the aunts here can wave a magic wand and find some happy resolution. Wishing that someone somewhere can give them a thread of hope that the absolute monster they have so chosen to fall in love with can be magically turned into man of the year...when we all know, it won't ever happen.
Sorry to hijack your situation, but yours is a prime example of a woman who has been grossly wronged by a complete asshole and you STILL wanna know why he's come back around??
There is no pretty answer...he is using you and contacting you because you haven't told him to f**k off and slammed the door in his face for good. There is still a chink of light in the door and he's going to use and abuse that for the rest of your life unless you stop him in his tracks.
I do believe that women sometimes enjoy the drama on some kind of unconscious level...like a game that they just might score a few points at or entice the man back (to be treated like sh*t again). I think it had to do with low expectation, low self esteem and a fear of being alone.
I feel so sad for women who absolutely cannot look themselves in the eye, say to themselves 'I am not going to let someone use me in this way and I have the power to make it stop' and to force these 'loser, waster, miserable low lifes' out of their lives for good.
Ok you can kick my arse now!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 September 2012):
 yes he did use you.
MEN are not real assholes HE'S an ASSHOLE... do not tag all men based on one idiot's behavior that's not fair.
why do you care what he says now
just don't answer the phone (block him on the landline if you can)
does not matter what he wants.
chalk it up to lessons learned and move on... live well...
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (21 September 2012):
 Take this as a gift and close any remaining avenues of communication. Believe me. He clearly has no ability to provide a meaningful relationship, and is only interested in what he can get out of you. Don't worry about what he owes you, as having him out of your life is worth far more. Ask yourself what it is that has made you reluctant to completely cut him off. He has already shown you more than enough for you know you can do MUCH better.
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