A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend won’t give any guy a chance now, she's so afraid of getting hurt that she won’t let herself open up to another guyShe was dating this guy for a long time and he did lead her on, he gave her false hope and expectation that she didn't know she didn't have. What's worse is he told her he loved her too and she never told him but she was in love with him and it's sad now that the first guy she loved was also the first guy to properly hurt her and boy did he really hurt her! So it's kind of messed her up now, she's met other guys but she doesn't want to give them a chance. She says nobody gives her the feeling he did or makes her as happy as he did. I told her it's because she isn't letting herself develop any feelings for them, that she's keeping a wall up stopping anybody from getting close to her, she needs to let it down. And she told me she's scared that if she takes that wall down that she will only get hurt and she doesn't know if she's ready to deal with that again, or if she can let herself fall for someone else. I feel like she's so scared of getting hurt again, that she'll ruin the chance if something that could make her so happy! I'm annoyed that this guy has made her like this and he's running around happy like what he did to her was nothing and she meant nothing to him. I never expected she would become that girl, but she is and it's horrible to watch! I've never been hurt like she was, or experienced love so I can't sympathise with what she is going through.What can I do to make her realise that not every guy will hurt her, she may get hurt again, but that's life and it's a risk she has to take. She will never know if she can be happy with someone else, because she won’t let herself! Please, it's been 2 months and I know that's not long but I don't want her to fall into the habit and see her ruin more potential because of this one guy. What could I say to her to make her see sense? How is it that someone can mesMy friend won’t give any guy a chance now, she's so afraid of getting hurt that she won’t let herself open up to another guyShe was dating this guy for a long time and he did lead her on, he gave her false hope and expectation that she didn't know she didn't have. What's worse is he told her he loved her too and she never told him but she was in love with him and it's sad now that the first guy she loved was also the first guy to properly hurt her and boy did he really hurt her! So it's kind of messed her up now, she's met other guys but she doesn't want to give them a chance. She says nobody gives her the feeling he did or makes her as happy as he did. I told her it's because she isn't letting herself develop any feelings for them, that she's keeping a wall up stopping anybody from getting close to her, she needs to let it down. And she told me she's scared that if she takes that wall down that she will only get hurt and she doesn't know if she's ready to deal with that again, or if she can let herself fall for someone else. I feel like she's so scared of getting hurt again, that she'll ruin the chance if something that could make her so happy! I'm annoyed that this guy has made her like this and he's running around happy like what he did to her was nothing and she meant nothing to him. I never expected she would become that girl, but she is and it's horrible to watch! I've never been hurt like she was, or experienced love so I can't sympathise with what she is going through.What can I do to make her realise that not every guy will hurt her, she may get hurt again, but that's life and it's a risk she has to take. She will never know if she can be happy with someone else, because she won’t let herself! Please, it's been 2 months and I know that's not long but I don't want her to fall into the habit and see her ruin more potential because of this one guy. What could I say to her to make her see sense? How is it that someone can mess you up like this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 March 2013):
 I think she just has not met anybody interesting enough or impressive enough to make her say " Enough with wound licking ". Two months is early, it's nothing in fact if she felt very hurt - give her time . If she chances into someone she fancies enough, she'll forget about walls and everything. If any, women tend to be TOO brave, reckless in fact, and forget even too easily that they DID got hurt .
You want her to "give a chance " to other guys, but, in lack of a special spark, a special chemistry or curiosisty or attraction or what you want to call it- it would be difficult anyway , even if she had not been hurt before. Men are not like vitamins or skin care products, that you try them on anyway because they'd be good for you , or they look perfect for you on paper, or they come highly recommended.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (3 March 2013):
 You can't do anything to make her see your side. She has to want to open up, and right now she isn't ready. That doesn't mean she never will be ready. It may take finding the right guy who sets off that spark. It may take her making a conscious decision to let down that wall. Either way, it has to be her decision. What you need to do as a friend is stand by her and be there for her. As much as friends want to help, there are some areas we need to stay out of, and the love life of our friends is one of them. I've made that mistake, and lost friends because of it. Just as I've pushed friends out of my life who stuck there nose in where it wasn't wanted.
If your friend is the same age as you, she has plenty of time to come around. The wall she's built will leave her feeling lonely and empty. She needs to take the time to trust herself enough to trust someone else again. This takes time after someone hurts you like this.
Don't rush her, let her make her own decisions, and be a good friend by being there for her.
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