A
female
age
30-35,
*ulu55
writes:i went to the beach with my friends and we took pictures of the day. I posted them on facebook like i normally do when i have an event that i want to share with friends. My boyfriend is a jealous person, he's trying to fix it but he believe he could never change some things. He was upset that I posted picture of myself in a bakini on facebook at the beach. They were just normal pictures. He told me that it bothered him. He said that he wasn't going to make me take them down but it was up to me now to chose if i should take them down. I told him i was going keep them up and i was sorry that it bothered him but i liked the photos. the next day he called me and said, "now i know that you don't care about what i feel" and that's not true at all. i just don't know how to make him see that and that posting a few pictures at the beach isn't a big deal. it's not like guys post things like "you look cute" it's just my family that posts things. What can i do to make him see that this issue shouldn't be a big deal and no matter where i go, guys will be looking at me and not just at my pictures at the beach??
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 The challenge isn't how to make HIM understand but how to make YOU understand that 'I demand' and 'If you loved me' amount to the same thing.You don't try to convince him. You train him. By completely ignoring his unreasonable expectations (or dumping him entirely if he makes life hard for you) you teach him that demanding, sulking and threatening will accomplish nothing. Talking is negotiating and quite frankly most women aren't all that good at it. The longer it goes on, the more likely they are to 'negotiate' themselves into acquiescing to whatever a man wants. Think happy steamroller. You could say 'I'm sorry you feel that way. You can be angry if you wish. Give me a call when you're in a better mood' then cheerfully go about your business. When he comes around (and they usually do) do not bring up the issue. Do not apologise or explain anything. If he brings it up, give him a couple minutes to say his bit then move on. Do not comment on anything he's said. Treat it as though he never said it. If he gets himself worked up again or goes on too long, repeat above; 'I'm sorry you feel that way...'.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 Your boyfriend is controlling. Has he given any indication that he wants to understand your point of view or did he simply expect you to comply with his wishes
He appears incapable of understanding that girls go to the beach, girls wear bikinis, girls have their photos taken, and girls put those photos up of facebook.
Its the sort of thing girls your age do. Actually its the sort of thing girls (and women) of all ages do, post pictures of themselves having fun and enjoying life.
If he doesn't want to understand I would consider ending the relationship, do you really want to go through life being controlled like that?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): "What can i do to make him see that this issue shouldn't be a big deal. . ."
Nothing. You're asking the impossible. He's jealous and wants to control you and he'll never change. You're vain and want attention from guys and you'll never change.
You need to end this toxic, unhealthy, mutually dysfunctional relationship but you probably won't, because by controlling you he's paying attention to you so each of you is getting what you crave from the other.
At least use birth control, pleeeeeeeaze. No kid deserves a pair like you as parents.
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