A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello all. i am in a relationship for 4 1/2 years now. i love my gf very much. ive never felt for someone else in my life. she has all the qualities i like in females. smart, calm, a good listener and a better advisor, supportive , loyal. with other words she is kinda perfect in my view. im her first boyfriend and she says ill be her last coz she will never try to meet someone else if we dont end up together. but together with these good qualities she has some bad ones too, and i think they are ruining this relationship. she is very much a jelous woman , as much as she is no more herself when jelousy comes up. she gets mad for no apparent reason and says she thinks im cheating.she cheks every female friend i have on facebook and asks if id love to have sex with them. if i talk to any female she gets so mad and stops talking and says they are bitches coz they try to flirt with me in front of her. once she even nearly had a fight with one girl who liked me(one of her friends) and asked me out(of course i said no). she dont invite me with her fenale friends because they have said to her im beautiful and hot. my gf think that, because im handsome and with good education(study medicine) all the hot girls will come to me and someday i could not resist. but in fact id never cheat on her or anyone else even if my life depends on it. i love my gf and she is the only girl in the world for me.she loves me too but we are having a lot of fights recently because of this. ive tried to break up but she says she will change and after a week it starts again. what can i do to convince her ill never cheat and i love her to the stars and back? will this continue for always? should i leave this relationship just because this unbased doubt and jelousy?ive planned all my life with her in. i dont even go to parties anymore without her because i dont want to make her feel bad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): I agree with WisOwl something's amiss here i think he hit it dead on
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (11 September 2013):
I don't agree with wiseowl either, youwish's advice is perfect. I'd just like to add that your girlfriend needs counseling, because a promise to change isn't worth much when it's such a fundamental issue as insecurity.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 September 2013):
 Actually, I have to disagree with WiseOwlE on this one. With a long term relationship, it's more likely that SHE has had a change in self esteem that makes her insecure. Has she gained weight? Had a job setback? Lost a family member or a friend to a tragedy or a falling out?
I would more likely guess that she deals with abandonment issues due to the length of your relationship. Many women with trust issues feel that the longevity of a relationship makes them insecure, as if you'll get bored and someone else will catch her eye. I also say this because when you did threaten to break up, she said that SHE will change. Girls don't respond like this if the guy did something wrong.
Do not pander to her trust issues. If she made you give her your passwords, change them. You are your own person, and her baggage is hers to deal with. Even in a relationship, we, and we alone as individuals are responsible for the betterment of ourselves, meaning we alone must deal with the weaknesses, baggage, and insecurities. Making the other person (in this case, you!) responsible is a burden no relationship can withstand. You cannot be her everything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): Let me bring you down to earth a bit. Don't place a woman up on a pedestal and idolize her. No one is perfect, or even close to it. When you give people super-powers, you place high and unrealistic expectation on them. That can cause serious issues in your relationship. That is her problem.
Why after over four years does she not trust you? You're leaving something out. You've changed somehow.
If she was so jealous, what keeps you with her?
If you don't cheat, that's probably enough to convince her.
Actions speak louder than words. Maybe you haven't been too convincing.
If you wallow in the attention and have a humungous ego; she will not trust you. She will also judge you by the women you friend on Facebook. Don't try to be an undercover player, dude. She'll see through it. All the praise and sweet-talk will only make her all the more suspicious. She is a woman, and they can dig and discover your best hidden secrets. They also go after women you seem too chummy with.
I'm a guy. I smell something going on here!
She knows the kind of flirt you are. She knows you're aware of your looks and you may be exhibiting a bit of an inflated ego.
Return to the guy who originally attracted her in the first place, and see if she will return to the girl you felt was so wonderful and perfect in every way. If her jealousy is at the level you describe; how have you dealt with it so long? What's going on now, that didn't happen before?
Man, I just feel something is just being left out. You aren't coming totally clean. You didn't just discover she's crazy jealous. You've done something, or you're causing it.
If not, maybe it's time to let her go. She can't handle whatever is going on anymore.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): "ive tried to break up but she says she will change and after a week it starts again."
Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. She'll never change because she has no reason or incentive to change as long as you keep falling for her false promises and taking her back.
"what can i do to convince her ill never cheat and i love her to the stars and back?"
Nothing. She'll always be suspicious not because she doesn't trust you but because she wants to control you.
"will this continue for always?"
Only for as long as you want to keep believing she'll change, which in your case could very likely be always.
"should i leave this relationship just because this unbased doubt and jelousy?"
No, there are several other good reasons why you should leave but the ones you cite are as good as any.
"ive planned all my life with her in"
Maybe you should seriously consider rethinking your plans for the future. This chick has your dick on a leash and your balls in a jar. If you're a medical student then you should know enough to stop thinking with your dick and start thinking with your brain, or else you are in for a lifetime of misery, especially if you're dumb and irresponsible enough to get her pregnant, in which case you'll be doomed to an eternal hell on earth.
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