A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:I hate being the eldest. If my siblings want me to do a favour, I get screamed and yelled at. But if I need a favour from my siblings, my parents don't care at all. They tell me it's my problem and instead yell me to shut up. I'm sick to bits with being used just because I'm the eldest. Why can't younger siblings ever be responsible? We are all adults now, so why yell at me and expect more of me? Is that too much to ask for? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 You are allowing them to take advantage of you. You are accepting the guilt they are laying on you. As long as you allow them to do this, they are gonna do it. Next time they try to stuff something down your throat, something you definitely do not want to do, tell them "No, I don't think that would be in my best interest at this time." and hangup/walk away. If you don't stand up for yourself you can't expect anyone else to.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 February 2013):
 I don't think that anything like "double standards" need be considered...
From what I read, your family is in to quibbling amongst themselves. YOU seem to have agreed to take part (in that quibbling).... HOWEVER, you can decide to STOP participating (in the quibbling) just as you would if the others were ANY NUMBER of people.... Just stay away from them... and let anything that you DO hear from them (regardless of the subject and others' behaviour) "roll off your back"....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (26 February 2013):
Its part of being the oldest. Similarly, Im sure there are/were benefits you received as well by being the oldest that you are failing to mention here.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 February 2013):
 if you do not live in the home it's even easier... just do not put yourself in the situation where your parents guilt you and your siblings beg...
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (26 February 2013):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou can still live away from the family home and still have your parents guilt trip and have a go at you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 This is not clear to me, do you live at home or not ?
And if you don't, how come you have your siblings underfeet so often to ask you favours as a routine matter, and most of all, how would your parent scream at you if they aren't even there ? ...
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (26 February 2013):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis doesn't change even if I don't live at home. So that didn't work!
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (26 February 2013):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not a teenager. Still they're are double standards, but if I refuse to help- I get screamed at. And I don't act like a teenager like my siblings who throw a tantrum to get what they want. I try and talk calmly like an adult.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): Don't do the favours. When they ask, say that you are sick of looking after them and would like to be looked after yourself. At least it will make them think.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 February 2013):
I've always said we can choose our family but not our relatives.
if you don't like the people you are related to, don't be around them.
I'm not even sure my mother in law knows her only son got married in October. Her son (my husband) does not speak to her at all... has not for years. (before I came along)
As adults you have the right to say NO.... so just say NO
and surround yourself with friends that are close enough you consider them family.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 February 2013):
I'm the youngest in my family and have two older sisters. And boy howdy were they ever bossy when we lived under the same roof. Once everyone moved out and got on with their own lives, things went swimmingly. All you need to do is create a little (or lot of)distance from your siblings, you'll see an improvement in your relationships immediately.
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