A
female
age
41-50,
*rystal9026
writes:I have a boyfriend who I've been with for three and a half years. I had our first son In January 2007, and a little after that it's been weird. I have a son from a previous relationship who is now 5 years old. But my current boyfriend has been there since my son was 2. I've always kinda noticed that he acts tense or uptight around my son and never thought anything about it, and I constantly ask him if he cares for him and he says yes, he's just not used to being a father figure to someone. The past 6 months of this relationship with him has been bad, i've turned into a very very depressed person, and have gotten myself physically sick from it. He has a bad habit of blaming everything on me recenlty, but I always try to look at the whole picture, maybe he's stressed out because the house we just got a year and a half ago has been put for sale due to financial mishaps. Then I think it's just the financial issues that are stressing him out. On the other hand he has just gotten diagnosed with thyriod problem and is now on medication, it could be that? We've recently gotten into ugly fights to were he kicks me out of the house (of course i dont leave, i swallow my pride and stay so i dont put my son's through that). He says he's tired of me and when things calm down i ask him if he's really tired of me and he says he doesnt know. Should I leave? I am a firm believer that this will work, and he will be ok once the air clears. FYI: I just got a job back at the hospital where i will be bringing home good money again but he says he's out of patience. I think God didn't give me that job untill we were at the point of losing the house because thats not where we belong. What should I do someone help, please
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (19 July 2008):
 Hi there, You both are dealing with a few stressful things. Him with the financial problems, and the thyroid condition. He is under a lot of stress, he needs to talk to someone, about anger management, and stress reduction or control. One stressful thing, the financial situation is enough to deal with. He is not thinking clearly, he is probably disappointed in himself and that is why he is blaming things on you. But if he is going to continue to be abusive, you have to make it plain to him that you don't want your oldest son exposed to that kind of behavior, because you son will think that it is alright to behave like that. He has to stop, if he doesn't, then you have to make a decision, whether you want to continue on in that kind of envoirnment, it is not healthy for the family, but he has to make the decision to change. The other thing is, you have the job making additional money, men's
egoes sometimes get in the way, when they feel they are depening on a woman, even if it is helping the cause, so he may begin to act angry over that, he is not emotionally stable with the things that are affecting his peace of mine. So you have to be aware of what might happen, things may get worse, because of you getting the job, financially better, but worse between the two of you. So you have to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him, when things are calm. Try to explain what you have concerns about, without being accusatory. If he listens and tries to change, great, if he doesn't, I don't think you are going to be a happy camper, being verbally abused all the time, and if you are depressed, that just adds to the negative situation, and you have to fight to come out of the depression. So there is a lot here, I feel you are a
strong person, and want the best for your children. I am glad you have the job, so you will have funds, I would start to save part of it for the future, just in case, you have to make a change. Take care and let us hear of how it is going. But do have a heart to heart talk with him and get his feelings on the situation, recognizing, that the medical problem can be a source of great concern to him, you start to think about cancer, which is a mind blower.
So that has to be taken into consideration, but nobody should accept abuse from anyone. Good luck to you always.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): helloit must be hard because youve got to small kids and fond memories of you and your parnter.it would be easy for me to tell you to leave your husbund, because obviously i am not in your sitiuation. you feel stuck and heart broken, unable to move left or right.your heart is telling you to stay and your mind is telling you to go.word of advice:1: a good strong mother, puts her children first, im sure u do, but, do not let them grow up seeing their mother kicked out the house over small arguments.2: although it feels like your heart is telling you the right thing, it is often misleding. remember, your mind makes you strong, what you think, controls u, controls ur actions, and can outbeat your heart. use your common sense-if u was to have a daughter-and god forbid she was in the same situation-what would u tell her? would u tell her to leave? if yes-then pack your bags dear-cuz it is time to live and let live. do your thing.3: we dont need men, the second we depend on men to tell us they love us, to tell us that we look good, to tell us that 'everything will be ok'- it is in that second we loose out independance.you are a strong woman, and clever enough to get a job in a hospital, with your boys on your side, take your leave.turn to a friend, a sister, a mother or an auntie. it will be hard, and there will be tears-but the reward will lay in the happiness of your children and the good future you build them.with love and god blessfriend x
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