A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I've been with this guy for about 3 years now. I'll be 18 in 4 days and he just turned 20 two months ago. He's is literally my best friend and we do everything together, we are inseperable. Its coming time to where hes getting his own place, and well... He's wanting me to move in with him, and start our lives together. I've heard a few rumors from his friends saying that he is going to propose to me and things like that, I've even heard it from his mom. Well, at the begining of our relationship, he straight up told me that he was terrified of sex and didn't feel comfortable with it at all. Normally this wouldn't bother me, and it don't really, the only part that does is that I do want kids sometime in the near future after my high school graduation in may and I get my first year or so of college finished. I just don't know how to go about the whole sex thing with him. I don't know how any of it would work, with the whole wanting kids thing. Another thing is that we've talked about it before and he wants kids to, its just that he is terrified of sex. What should I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 January 2013):
 IF he was sexually abused as a child he cannot fix this on his own. He needs to see a therapist who specializes in recovering from abuse specifically sexual abuse.
If he refuses honey, think long and hard about if you want to spend your life with a guy who has such major hang ups about sex.
Sex is more than making babies.
A
female
reader, mrswaldhauser  +, writes (15 January 2013):
 In that case this man definitely needs to speak to a counsellor as this doesn't sound like something he can cope with and treat on his own. He needs to go back to the root cause of why he is so scared of having sex, back to his childhood where he was abused so he can learn that sex is something to be enjoyed with a loved one and not something that should be forced upon you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've talked to him over and over again about the whole sex thing. He says he just feels uncomfortable with it and he doesn't really know why. I think it has something to do with him being abused a lot when he was little, that includes a lot of sexual abuse to. He had a rough life growing up so I'm guessing that might be what it is, along with his last relationship where the girl he was with beat him because he wouldn't have sex or anything.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (15 January 2013):
 Hi
He needs counselling, so a visit to his doctor is the first step.Then if/when you do move in together he will be able to have a normal loving sex life with you.
Its a natural part of loving somebody,showing them that love,and even though your ok with it now,in 5 years time you probably wouldn't be.So he needs to sort it out,get help,for both your sakes
Without sex your just friends and no more.
Is there a specific reason he is terrified or is it just the thought of it ?
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A
female
reader, mrswaldhauser +, writes (15 January 2013):
You need to really rethink all of this. Sex is not just about having children. It is a sacred and extremely important pleasurable intimacy that you share with your loving partner. Without this a relationship will not function properly. Sex is how a couple express their love for eachother physically and is vital if you are to stay together long term so you MUST talk to your boyfriend about this. He is going to have to get over this "terrified" of sex thing eventually. He cannot expect you to spend the rest of your life sexless and to be honest a man who isn't up and willing for it no matter how shy he is, is a little odd to me. Perhaps growing up he has had a very different view on sex itself based on how his family raised him. He may have been raised to think that sex was only for having children like yourself or that it is a sin. You really need to talk to him about this and get a real answer out of him and need to build up to having sex. If you think you are close as a couple now wait until you make love. It will bring you even closer together and can be something so special. You must remember that if you want to have children in the future you may struggle, therefore you need lots of practice! ;) Which is always fun. Speak to him about sex and why he is terrified. Is it the physical aspect he finds daunting if he is unsure of what to do or that he is embarrassed by the nakedness? If you are both clueless then you could watch an adult video together or a short video online to see how it works mechanically. But please remember that pornography is not about love, it is purely good for showing you exactly how the basics work. If you feel mortified at the thought of even watching porn together then you need to understand that if you plan on spending the rest of your life with this man that you need to get over that. It is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. There are thousands of couples around the world having sex right now! Sex is a part of growing up and you will both get there eventually. I hope everything goes well and I wish you the best of luck! This is a very important chapter in your life.
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