A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have fallen in love with someone and don't know if I should ruin everyone's lives by going off with him. We're both married and both completely and utterly besotted by each other. We are not having an affair but he wants to leave his wife for us to be together and I am seriously considering it.Is it more important to be with someone you love, or to stay with the person you promised to spend your life with even though you're now little more than friends?Is it even possible to remain madly in love after many years together, or is that just a romantic notion that is unrealistic?I love him, he's gorgeous, sexy, funny, intelligent, witty and we get along so well. Neither of us have ever cheated on our partners and we have just fallen for each other over a period of many years.Is it really that awful to leave someone you're married to because you realise what life could be like with someone else?Please help - I'm so confused.
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Grass could be greener on the other side kind of thing? Sometimes is, not for everyone. I think its possible to love the same person for many many yrs yes. I think it just changes and you need to accept those changes and still work at it. But it sounds like you dont love your guy anymore so, irrelivant to this other guy, you should move on from hubby.
The other guy might well work out later.
could just be lust at the moment. If getting this other guy is the only way you will be leaving hubby, then i think it doesn't sound promising. You ought to get out of the marriage first.
I got to know someone over many yrs, he was married with 2 children, we worked together. when i first met him i had only been married a month! If anyone had told me 3 yrs from then we would be together and spend 9 happy years together and end up having 2 children together i would of laughed in their face! But we split from out spouses first. And not because of each other.
C xxxxx
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Honesty is the best policy. Clearly your marriage is in trouble... fundamentally there is a communication issue. What steps are you and your husband taking to be honest with each other?
Deal with your marriage first. It's so hard to work out the issues in a marriage when your mind is already tempted by escape. Don't let your feelings for this other guy guide your actions, because as you said, your choices could end up ruining lives... including your own.
Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, Angle79  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Hi,
I understand, this is not an easy decision to make. But one thing you did not really tell us what is the problem with your husband. Why don't you try this write down the pros and cons, that could be very helpful in your decision making.
You have to find out the root cause of the problem before you leave your husband. Ask yourself, if this man does not divorce his wife, will you stop this feeling for him and start feeling strongly for your husband again? -- We never know what the future will hold for us. How if you break up with your husband and be with this new man, and he turns out to be not a nice man??
I hope you will make the right decision for your future.
Best wishes
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A
male
reader, Ometeotl  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 It is dishonest to cheat on your spouse, but the fact you have feelings for this other man goes to show that you are not happy with your husband. The object of life is to be happy. I can't say for sure the most nicest way to go about your predicament but do what makes you happy. It isn't uncommon to lose love for someone. Communication is left in the woods and passionate sex is no longer present. People change, not in the most exciting way but our way of thinking is easily influenced and we act on situations differently. All you have to ask yourself is what could I do to make my spouse and I happy. Then discuss it. If it fails let him know that your love for him is dwindling. Best of wishes.
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