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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm 23yrs old while my boyfriend is 28yrs we've dating getting to 4yrs now and everything is moving fine we both love eachother so much and we've not have sex because we both agreed that sex should be when we get married but the last time i pay him visit it was different we talked,watched film at his house and before i know it he carried me lie on his bed and he cuddle my breast and after he try to remove my undies i plead with him to stop that am not ready for it he refused not until he see the look on my face that i'm angry before he stop it and he knelt down and plead wit me i agreed so i left immediately but now he is asking me to pay him visit again i'm scared because he wil stil try to false me to have sex with him,he calls once a while on fone and complains that im treating him badly so please does he loves,or he is pretending just to use me to satisfy his sexual needs and lastly should i pay him visit i'm confused. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (23 September 2013):
You are a lucky woman indeed who has a man who agrees to not bed you before you marry. But the breast thing can get you in trouble in the future. I know that is a trigger for me and for most men the breasts are the trigger to do other things. If you want no intercourse i suggest no more foreplay. If you love each other why wait for four years? That is kind of long.
but everybody has their own customs and such. Good luck move ahead. If you got your man so aroused do not go anywhere other than in public places. I do not know to many friends of mine that could wait till marriage before bedding there wives,present or future. Your man must have nerves of steel.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (21 September 2013):
 If he's been with you for 4 years, he's not pretending.
If you're waiting until marriage, that's okay and your choice. However, what's with the 4-year holdup?? Most couples who are celibate and have made that choice usually marry in a much quicker time.
I also agree with Honeypie, if you're being celibate, then no bed cuddling. That's like dangling a fresh turkey leg in front of a dog and telling him not to eat it. Sex is a biological urge. Avoid triggering it. Lights on, and stay out of the bedroom or the back seat of a car.
I also want to suggest something here -- if you and he are at "breast fondling" stage, then there are certainly many non-intercourse ways to relieve sexual tension. Mutual masturbation, dry humping, oral, etc. are ways to relieve things without intercourse and would help ease the time.
Otherwise, what is the holdup? You didn't call him your "fiance" after 4 years?! No plan to marry and no date?? Sorry, but if things aren't going forward, you might want to cut him loose. He's at his sexual peak, and it's a waste not to be enjoying it.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 September 2013):
 Talk to him. TELL him. And if he doesn't accept it, maybe visiting isn't the thing. He needs to respect you.
And honestly, DO not get into situations where sex would be too tempting, IF you are waiting to have sex til marriage. So no cuddling on the bed and so forth.
Maybe you two need to stick to going on dated in public? Where he won't feel so tempted?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 September 2013):
I don't think after 4 years it can be said that he's trying to get into your pants. If he wanted to do that, he'd have given up some time ago. What I would say, is that 4 years into a relationship is a long time not to have sex, and you've not mentioned whether you're engaged or anything.
If, after 4 years, you're not engaged or at least making plans, then maybe you need to rethink the relationship. How much longer will you be waiting for this?
Also, for what it's worth, he didn't stop it when you said stop. Also not a good sign.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (21 September 2013):
 I am not going to argue whether it's a good idea to wait until marriage, because apparently it is for you but you have to stick to it. Most people are just going to tell you there is no point in waiting and that waiting does not make the relationship more special.
I don't know about your sex drive but for women it's different. Sex drive can come and go for women. It has to be woken up, by the right man but for most men they always have this burning desire that is distracting. 4 years of celibacy is incredible for a man. So he does love you somehow.
There is a gap in your ages so he will always feel like he knows better and that you will just give in when the moment is right and you get weak.
I believe movies should be in the theatres until marriage. If it's too expensive then he can't really afford marriage could he? Avoid sitting together in a couch, and always go home before you get heated.
He stayed for 4 years, no marriage. Is there a date set? Shouldn't he be planning for marriage if this is what he wants? How much longer is he going to wait? When do you feel ready to get married?
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