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age
41-50,
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writes: i have a man i have been seeing for a three months ..i would not say we are in a relationship because neither one of us has committed however we talk on the phone everyday and i see him often. To make the story simpler though i will call him my bf. The problem is his best friend. His best friend introduced us and initailly i was closer to the best friend and will go and see bf when i was hanging with his best friend. Things started turning bad when his best friend made advances at me and i said no and he stopped talking to me. During this time me and bf became close and i have slept with him a couple of times. The best friend found out that we were hanging out together and now he is basically spying on us. We all live close to each other. The best friend stopped talking to his friend (bf) because of this but this was only for a while.This resulted in bf backing off a little. However now we sneak around to see each other and it really irriates me because neither one of us is married. Now our relationship is consumed with out smarting best friend it is no longer about us. To make matters worse i can not go to his houe and he cannot come to mine but best friend can roam as he pleases. Bf said i should try to include best friend in our activities and talk to him on the phone once in a while but i do not want to he is being a bully and i feel like i am too old for this!!! Should i just leave them both alone because neither one of them are caring about how i feel.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 Well yeah you guys are not teens.... and to me it's school yard games at this age...
when my husband and I started out it was fun and games... and as such he allowed his 'friend" to say things like "it's old and not that attractive hit it and be done" about me... and to be honest that was not nice but it was his friend expressing an opinion about a person who was not important to him.
the minute we got serious, that friend was told "we are serious, you now have to respect her or we can't be friends." he rarely talks to this guy any more.... but trust me this guy now treats me like a queen... he knows better than to disrespect a man's woman.
Men who hid you are are not interested in treating you properly.... cut the line and move on.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 February 2013):
 If you age is correct (in your 30's) I highly recommend to break this off, this is ridiculous playground behavior.
Find someone who WANTS to date you, not just fool around when it doesn't upset his buddy.
Sounds almost like his friend had called "dibs" on you and you picked the other dude, so now there are sour grapes.. How utterly childish!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): I went through the exact same thing with a guy at uni a few years ago. If I were you I'd speak to your bf as soon as possible and try to convince him to tell his best friend what is going on. I left it too long, fell for the guy, then found out he was too much of a wuss to man up and tell his friend for fear of offending him. I ended up heartbroken and on my own while those two were still the best of friends. Tell him he needs to end the secrecy now and see what he says. All the best.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 February 2013):
 what in the hell? you two are having to sneak around like you're married to this "friend" and having an affair or something. that's insane. you guys need to stop hiding. Tell this dude he's WAY out of line and he needs to stop it immediately. you did not reciprocate the feelings he had for you. so what? he needs to grow the hell up and be a big boy. that stuff happens all the time.my advice: stop hiding. go to his house. go to your house. come and go as you please where ever and when ever. because what you do isn't his business! and if he has a problem with it, just ignore him or tell him to leave you alone! he only has as much control over you two as you allow him to have. what are you two so afraid of, anyway? losing his friendship? some friend in the first place! so who really cares? stop hiding.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): Agree with comments and just one to add, why did you allow this to even happen? If the BF cannot grow some B***s then he will never stand by you when things get hot. It time to walk away and find someone that is more mature and willing to fight for what he wants.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 February 2013):
 Well that sucks. I don't quite understand why you have to hide from his best friend... because you didn't want to date him and now this guy is jealous? If you two are serious, then you (or your boyfriend) should just tell this guy that you're seeing each other, and that you're going to be open about your relationship. Tell him that you're sorry if he feels upset or weird about it, but that you're together and you hope he'll grow to be okay with it.
Treat it like adults, and if he can't act like one then that's his problem. You should not have to sneak around just to make somebody comfortable! Best of luck to you guys! :)
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 Sorry, I finished the previous too soon. Once you tell your bf you are not playing any more games of hide and seek, invite him to yours for a meal followed by watching a DVD or playing canasta or whatever.
If he wont come because it will upset his friend, give it a week or so, and issue the invitation again. If it is again a 'no' you'll know there is no chance of a normal relationship and can decide if that is good enough for yoy or not.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (25 February 2013):
Tell bf you are too old for this school yard behaviour, and the bullying best friend can either suck it up or they are both off your Christmas card list.
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