A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had sex for the first time in my life.i'm freshman in college, he's 25.i was totally drunk and i kept telling him that i'm not going to have sex with him no matter what, but i guess i just didn't make it clear- didn't really push him away and ended up having sex.he helped me back to my room after that- i was crying, he said it's all right and he's not like other guys and told me that we'd talk in the morning. the next day, i texted him, he said he's nervous. i asked him why, he didn't answer.i called him cuz i was afraid i'd get pregnant (he didn't have condom) and he didn't answer. I was a little pissed, called him several times. he texted me and said like, "stop calling me i don't want to talk to you." I got really mad, "I don't want to talk to you, i just want to know what the fuck you did to me. you didn't have your condom for sure." he texted me back saying he's sorry and that i need not worry. after that, he never calls me, he erased me from his friend list on facebook, i don't even see him. (well, i didn't until recently.)i'm thinking he's been avoiding me, but i don't know why. could it be that i did something wrong that night? or is he just embarrassed?i feel so bad cuz i feel like i'm the victim of him taking advantage of me, but he's acting as if i scared him off. i don't want to get together with him ever again, but i'm worried i might be doing something wrong in bed.- he led me through the whole thing- he wanted me on top of him several times, he was on me several times. i kept saying "it hurts", but other than that, it was him.are there things that i could've done wrong? what are common mistakes that scare boys away from a girl?
View related questions:
condom, drunk, facebook, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): You should have no gotten so drunk/available with an unknown guy. He should not have pushed you into sex the way he did. Rape? I dunno. You could argue that it was theoretically rape. But realistically you did too much to encourage it to make much headway on that charge now. (I am not defending his actions. I am just saying that the circumstances sound too vague to go after him very effectively.) Write him off, move on, and take better care of yourself next time.
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (27 November 2007):
It seems you are more worried about his feelings for you than your own welfare. He took advantage of you and for all you know you could be pregnant or may have contracted an STD. Face the truth, the guy wanted a good time and you gave it to him and wants nothing to do with you anymore. So be strong and face the consequences of having sex drunk. I would advise you to be more careful next time when you go drinking and avoid hanging out with guys so much.
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (27 November 2007):
 Don't worry about doing anything wrong. It will all be forgotten.
What you should worry about is how you got into this situation in the first place. He could have passed on an STD or worse.
In future, make sure when you go out you have a couple of condoms in your handbag/purse. This doesnt signal an intent to have sex, it merely demonstrates that you are responsible and have your own safety in mind.
Put this one down to a bad experience, but dont worry about it, my first time was awful as well, but I dont let it get me down. Good luck and all will be well.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): I think he got scared that maybe you were going to charge him with rape. And I think that is why he is avoiding you. But on your part it sounds like you are not taking his rejection very well. I am sorry you are going through this. I have been there. I have made mistakes too with guys where I hook up with them and then they don't treat me like I had hoped. That used to happen to me alot when I was in my teens cause I was very naive.
Men are like that for some strange reason. But they are very picky about who becomes their girlfriend but not at all picky about hooking up. They can so easily hook up with you and then forget you ever exist and not want to have anything to do with you. But it is not always going to be this way cause hopefully you will learn with time that you yourself have to be picky and choosy about who you hook up with and make sure it is with someone who loves you. This guy didn't love you.
But if you are not going to press charges, then stop contacting this guy. You know very well what happened. You even explained details of it in your post, so you don't need to hear it from him. Just leave him alone and move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (27 November 2007):
 You don't say if you had any kind of relationship with this guy before the night of drunken sex. If he just picked you up at a bar and took you home and had sex with you against your wishes, he may be scared that you're going to have him charged with rape . . . which is pretty much what he did.
You have just learned the lesson that alcohol and good decision making don't mix.
I wouldn't worry that he found you to be inexperienced . . . he's obviously a loser.
Not to generalize, but I think that most men are scared off by women that are too aggressive, too easy, and too smelly. . . in no particular order.
Good luck.
...............................
|
