A
male
age
41-50,
*non_e_mouse
writes:Well what can I say? I've been frequenting this site every day since I discovered it after I split up with my ex.We split up 3 weeks ago but have only had no contact for a week. I'm quite chuffed I've managed to stop myself from getting in touch. Why am I STILL hung up on her when I know for a fact it couldn't go on? All it takes is something on tele or some soppy song and I go straight into "depressed mode".I still find myself wondering where it all went wrong. And I'm still stumped. How can you stop loving someone so quickly after spending all that time getting closer and closer and being together all the time and jump into another relationship?I found out she popped into my local Saturday just gone and don't understand why. Fair enough, she was meeting her brother who drinks down there but her and her brother aren't close at all. She absolutely HATES it down there. She HATED me going down there by myself, and HATED going down there with me (we only popped in a few times, if we happened to be passing on the way home or if I wanted to just see the locals and have one drink). I don't want to bump into her as it'll be awkward and as soon as I see her I'll want her back. I'm at that stage in the break up where although my head tells me no, no, and NO in my heart I actually WANT to bump into her. Stupid huh?Maybe I really should look into seeing someone about this? I have to say I've been through a lot worse in my life and managed without it.My emotions seem to be a bit of a rollercoaster (which I understand is normal)... I woke up this morning all positive and was back to my usual jokey self at work (last week I've been a bit depressed at work).Popped down my local just to see the Landlord (a mate of mine) and went home, watched tele, had my dinner, then the blues hit me again. I had to get out the house so called a mate and popped out for a drink (when I say drink I had one pint).Yesterday, I had the Sunday blues and spoke to my Mum. While on the phone I got a text message from a couple of mates who happened to be going out in town for a drink (I live 10 minute walk away). Half hour later I met up with my mates, had a couple of beers. It was great to catch up but after a few hours I left feeling all positive. Whilst walking home I started thinking about my ex AGAIN!The good news is I'm off on a 30th birthday night out on Friday with loads of people having hooked up with my mates again.The bad news is I can't shake this thing off. I need a kick up the backside!What do you guys think about therapy? Has anyone here had to have therapy to sort themselves out? I imagine it's good to let it all out with someone there to listen. But then going to therapy I'd feel like such a loser... Like I'm messed up over a girl I've been seeing for 15 months?I've been through my Mum and Dad's divorce while doing my A-level exams, my girlfriend's Mum and Dad went through a divorce, her Dad had a stroke, our house was burgled, I was made redundant due to an acquisition, then split up with my first girlfriend (5-6 years), then my Dad died (total shock - fine on the Friday, DoA on Sunday, brought him back, in a comer for a week and died on Fathers Day). I've been through all that and I think I need therapy to get over my second love? Sounds pathetic.What do you think?
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at work, depressed, divorce, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (1 December 2007):
anon_e_mouse is verified as being by the original poster of the question It's amazing how far I think I've come over the last few weeks. I cringe at reading this headline and have a new found sense of "what-the-hell-was-I-thinking-I'll-be-ok-I'm-not-that-messed-up" sort of thing.
Thanks for the response. I don't think I need any sort of therapy... It's getting easier as every day passes... Sunday's are always the lowest days but even then each Sunday isn't as bad as the last.
Whilst I feel like I'm on my own I do feel a lot better, less stressed and don't have to watch what I say/do and I can just be my old self again... Was always walking on egg shells and that's not good. Hooked up with my old mates and went out last night - had a fantastic time - in fact best night out I've had for a long time!
My confidence has been knocked a bit... Was getting lots of attention from nice ladies but was too scared to do anything... Not unexpected seeing as I'm still a bit hurt and probably being cautious about getting hurt and feeling rejected again so soon.
I'm going to continue to take each day as it comes and I'm sure the old confidence will come back.
Thanks for your comments guys! Much appreciated.
A
female
reader, cristin343  +, writes (1 December 2007):
 I am going through the exact same thing. The sad part is that i left him because i knew it would never work. Who would have thought this would be so hard. I wish there was some magic pill i could take to erase him from my brain... but time really does heal all wounds. It is so normal what you are going through. It WILL get better. and you will meet someone else. there are tons of people going through the exact same thing right now. and remember, its the sad times that make the contrast of Happy times feel so wonderful. Just stay positive and keep thinking about the future (NOT the past)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): i think your love sick and have the breakup blues, which is normal after a breakup. Its only been 3 weeks, you have been together for 15 months - so you do need time more to heal. It seems like you have been left without any closure, maybe because the reasons for your breakup was not clear and you seek closure by searching for the answer by looking at websites. You both have gone through a lot, which is probably why it hit you so hard this time. Do things to keep your mind off the breakup, like listening to music that make you feel happy. Maybe even try writing down your feeling on paper to help get your feelings out. Resist the temptation to contact, even though there is a possibility that she might contact you - which could mess with your healing process, so be strong! Be around your friends and family! If you still feel this badly after a few months, you could try talk it through with a therapist! Even though I think time is the best healer!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): you are not messed up, you are just going through the breakup blues. Its what many go through when going through a breakup. Its like a love sickness, and different factors can trigger memories that reminds you of your relationship. When someone close is not there with you, our minds can have a hard time dealing with u not being around them anymore and this can make u feel tempted to call or see them. I have felt that before, haven't heard it from a male's point of views before but I now realised it is just the same. I think its normal and remember it only has been 3 weeks. You were in the relationship for 15 months, you invested a lot of time in your relationship and it will take possibly half of that time to get her out of your system. Some heal faster than others - depends on the person.
I am assuming she ended the relationship and you have been left without closure which means that maybe the reasons for breakup was not clear. Usually, this confuses the mind leading us to find out why it happen and even blaming ourselves. Looking through this site also is also part of your search in finding closure, I did the same thing. I search different sites trying to find a reason. So its hard to get closure without hearing how the other person felt. Maybe it could be that you both went through a lot personal stuff in your lives, she might of needed some time. I think if you are meant to be - you will find your way back to each other.
So overall in my opinion, I think that she still misses you alot and could be feeling the same way you do right now. She went into your local, which you say she hates. No woman would go somewhere they hate, especially if she knew that was your local. Shes probably feeling bad about the breakup and was hoping to see you and talk to you in person. Thats what I think. Its good that you have your friends and your mum around you at this time. i'm sorry to hear of the loss of your dad, the loss of someone close can really affect you emotionally, and that together with the breakup could also be why your breakup hit you so badly and is getting to you so much. It is all getting to much. You both went through a lot together. But time is a great healer, you might not want to hear that and i didn't like that saying, but it is true.
Take one thing at a time, try to do different things to keep your mind of the breakup, resist the temptation to contact her for now - but personally, I think she might contact you though, which could deter you from your healing process - so be strong. Give your self some time to yourself, try not to get into another relationship straight after cos you should think about yourself first. Take time to heal first. You could try writing down how you feel in a notebook, it might help or not. It is just a good way of letting your feelings out, and over time, eventually you wont want to write in it no more. Or Listen to happy or positive songs, watch funny movies -anything to makes you feel better. If you still feel this bad after 3 months or so, maybe talking to someone at therapy might help u, but personally I found that asking some friends and family how they dealt with a breakup helped a little.
You will get through it, keep busy, give yourself time. Hope I helped you a bit, and hope you enjoy your birthday.
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