A
female
age
30-35,
*cey lacey
writes:i broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago--- why isnt he ready to be friends..? im reallly in love with him still. and im over the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing but i really wana be friends with him and he wont let me in.. he says it hurts too much to just be friends.. why is that?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): Aww- maybe you could do with a good honest talk with him? It sounds like you're both missing each other? -Why did you break up?But to the 6th replying poster- how can Statistics support your theory that; 'A man and woman can indeed be friends but not after being Bf and Gf ..WILL NEVER HAPPEN!' ?!-It has happened?! -I've seen it; many of us have! -and I've seen people go to great lengths to make sure it does happen and to still be awesome friends- each with successful following relationships since, for years and years and years aftewards.It can take a great deal of effort and need work, but if BOTH parties want it to happen, of course anyone can stay friends with an ex. Talk to him and find out out what you both want. Perhaps he wants to get back together but no longer wants to make the effort if 'just' remaining friends (in the meantime?), or perhaps he needs more time to make the shift.Talk to him and be as honest as you can about what you both want and where you stand with regards to each other.
A
female
reader, acey lacey +, writes (19 December 2009):
acey lacey is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks guys,, i know i have to back off but im having such a hard time being ok with not talking to him and letting him hook up with other girls it drives me crazy sometimes even though ive been with another guy too i know i sound ridiculous im just so confused, i wish i was able to move on and let him be
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009): Your behaviuor is "NOT NORMAL" in my opinion.You shouldn't say I want to spend every day of my life commited to you and you alone but for now I don't want to be with you.A person is not like a book you start reading and then put on a self to finish later.We are either in or out. Can someone say psycho?I think I see your real plan.I think this guy is probably a good guy long term relationship material.I think you want to be free to go around and have fun or whatever. Meanwhile he should be a friend and wait till you are finished going wild sowing the wild oats.Then settle down with him when you are older.Now that would make sense.I wouldn't blame you in the least for that.If he is a real good guy he won't allow this and won't play along with let's just be friends.That's the ultimate relationship death sentence for us guys to hear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009): You are still very young, and while at the moment you feel like you want to marry him some day, you may very well change your mind in another six months or a year, as you get to know other boys and go on with your life. Maturing as you continue to have new experiences, and prepare to go to college or work, is (we would all hope) bound to happen, and you will not be the same person you are now.
Besides, you tell us you are over the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing, just want to be friends, yet at the same time you're still really in love with him. You sound quite confused.
He has told you that what you want is too hurtful for him. He is protecting himself. You need to respect his choice and just leave the whole thing - and him - alone.
Get on with your life, and consider he is not, at this point, part of it. Concentrate on the things that are meaningful to you and activities and interests, friends and family, that you enjoy taking part in.
And yes, as others have said, it is indeed very hard to be friends after a breakup.......
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A
female
reader, acey lacey +, writes (19 December 2009):
acey lacey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto caringguy- we are very much ''emotionally involved'' we were together for a year and a half. we still talk about getting married... is it normal that i wana marry him but dont want him as a boyfriend right now? i know marriage seems so far fetched coming from a 17 year old... i guess you could think of it as i never want to end things with him totally i still see us being together later on. is that really childish of me?
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A
male
reader, downhere777 +, writes (19 December 2009):
 He obviously has feelings for you still. He must have been really heartbroken when you 2 broke up. The key to this situation is communication. If you know that for sure you do not want to be with him again then maybe its time to move on. If he isnt willing to be friends with you then maybe its not worth the time. I tried doing that in a couple of relationships of my own and had to cut them out of my life. But a couple of them are my really good friends now. good luck.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 December 2009):
He can probably see that you don't want to be friends.
You are in love with him and therefore you can never have a normal friendship. What you want is to get back in his life.
Accept that you can't be friends until you are both over eachother and work on getting over him instead.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (18 December 2009):
 some people take break ups badly, he may have been madly in love with you and not want to break up, it could have been a shock to him, you might not have liked him as much as he liked you so you have no idea what he's going through.It can take ages for a broken heart to heal, so just be patient and give him the space he needs.good luckxx
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 December 2009):
 Not everybody ends up friends after the boyfriend / girlfriend thing. Some people are hurt when the boyfriend / girlfriend thing ends.
Maybe he learnt things about you during the boyfriend/girlfriend thing that now precludes you from being a friend.
Leave him be, if he doesn't want to be friends he doesn't want to be friends.
Of course, it is only three months and he may come around with time, these things don't happen instantly.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 December 2009):
You have a lot to learn about relationships. When you're younger, being friends with an ex can work because you're not so emotionally involved. but as you get older, there is so much history that it becomes more difficult. He doesn't want t be friends because it will hurt him and cause him more trouble and pain. I think you just have to back away and move on.
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