A
male
age
41-50,
*ukefortender
writes:Hi guys, i'm here to ask for help about something is bothering me to much. After my 4 years marriage me and my wife got belly fat. We are not fat, lean, but have it. My wife's belly bothers me to much, even if she's too hot and gorgeous. I keep telling her for we get a healthy food, get a diet, exercises. But she doesnt do anything for start! I dont know what to do!Its been 4 months we'are trying to get a gym but none of us start it, maybe we'are a little lazy but now i'm starting to get um shape with xbox 360 kinect. About this i think, if i get in shape she'll regret and do something to get too! I want me and her in shape!!! The problem is me? Should i take the first step?What do i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, yowie  +, writes (15 October 2011):
 okay im confused.you said you and her are "not fat,lean" and she is "too hot and gorgeous". Is there actually a problem here? Or are you so indoctrinated by the media idea that to be desirable you must look like a skinny stick insect?By all means, if you want to be fit and healthy, go for it. She may be inspired to join you. Take walks together, for a start. Gyms are not for everyone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2011): you should do it first. And then she may or may not follow suit. But if you're not in shape yourself then you have no right to ask her to lose weight. There's no honor in asking your partner to do something difficult if you're not also doing it too.if you do lose weight but she doesn't, then that's an entirely different problem that you have to deal with. I believe it's disrespectful to not keep yourself attractive for your partner to the point that it actually disgusts them or really really turns them off, and I would and have considered ending relationships because of that. But then again I am in shape so I can say that. but if my partner really hated the way I dress or do my hair, hey then we shouldn't be together I wouldn't expect them to swallow their disgust nor would I change who I am just to suit someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): definitely set an example for her.my husband set an example for me and i started getting fit once he did.i do it for him and myself as well as for when we decide to have children.hes there every step of the way motivating me and won't say it but i can tell he's proud of me. a good wife will do anything to make her husband happy including getting into shape if she loves him and wants to live a happy,healthy life with him
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Hi,
Yes, best way is for you to start giving her an example. And, PLEASE, DO NOT TELL HER TO DO ANYTHING, or make comments about her physical appearance, even if you tell her nicely, like I am concern about your health, she won't take it nicely.
Best way is to start together, so eventually will motivate her to start exercising, eating healthier, getting fit. Start asking her for evening walks, go to gym together, on the weekend go hiking early in the morning to a near park. You are right, it's not that she doesn't care, but it's laziness, also after you get married, work, family, you get stress, tired, dont have enough time. You know well. So, start exercising together...
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, ZoeyMadeleine  +, writes (14 October 2011):
There's many things that you can do to lose your unwanted weight, its just about finding the motivation to do so. As for your wife only she is able to choose whether she wants to lose the weight, but don't let her bring you down in that choice. Get yourself motivated && get in shape! :)
There is many things you can do in starting your journey to losing weight;
- Join a local slimming club (its great for meeting new people and getting advice on dieting)
- Visit your G.P (they will be able to advise you on how to change your diet and good ways to get exercise!)
- Cut down portion sizes (sometimes you don't need to change what you eat, just the amount you eat)
- snack on fruit or cereal bars (they are full on long lasting energy and satisfaction)
- Join a gym (by becoming a member to a gym means that you have made a commitment and should go at least once a week)
- Get you and your wife signed up to an activity (salsa,zumba,swimming; by doing an fun activity and losing weight at the same time will be a great boost in confidence!)
- GET MOTIVATED! (find something to make you motivated, and never look back!)
motiviation is the key to many things!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Sadly there is not much you can do to motivate her. You have to take care of yourself first.
Lead by example and she may or may not follow. It's much easier btw for men to lose weight than women... we are designed to hold body fat so we can sustain a pregnancy...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Yes, take the first step. Be active. Cook healthy foods. She's not the only one who has to do everything if you want a change in lifestyle for the both of you. You as a couple probably do lots of things together, so instead of being lazy together and slouch on the couch after work, engage in some activity together, like talking a walk. Start slow so it isn't demotivating. Then work on getting healthy foods into your routine. Talk to your wife about it perhaps? Do not say her belly fat bothers you. You took an oath to love her to death, how can some belly fat be in the way. So don't mention that. Instead talk to her about how you've noticed she's gained weight, as have you, and you are not happy about the development. You want both of you to stay in shape. That's fair, and I think you should be able to talk to her about it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Sign up for something fun that you can do together. A dance class maybe ?
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (14 October 2011):
Yes defo, take the first step.When you are getting a fitter body, feeling better about yourself and having so much more confidence, your wife will start to feel like she should be joining you.Whatever you do, frame everything positively, as if you don't, she may feel attacked and will dig her heels in and not want to be more healthy.To some extend we are all fighting a losing battle, as we get older our bodies do change shame, but that is no excuse to allow yourself to get obese. I find I have to do far more exercise, and eat less bad foods in order to stay in a good shape.So concentrate on yourself.. don't delay another minute, get to it today :)
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