A
female
age
30-35,
*oved woman
writes:I need to know the essence of our relationship and also the essential lacking.Following is the sequence of events:We met and he fell for me head over heels.Would keep complimenting me all the time, was happy with me.I did not very much gel with his non-intellectual friends.But together we had good times.I got a tattoo of his name done after he proposed to me and declared me as the woman of his life (about within four months of knowing each other).Next I started to hear him say that, "If you lose weight you would look 'HOT' !!"I started to feel disappointed with him and myself both.I did not know what to say when he said "your clothing style is not very classy."Gradually, I started to see myself from his eyes, and felt terribly short of things.All the while he would keep saying that his ex was blah blah blah. not good. etc. Criticized her all the time.Out of curiosity I had to ask him, "why were you with her then for a whole year?"He blurted out, "For she was hot, stylish and knew how to talk"I have been deeply scarred by this statement. Have checked up on his ex's profile and tried to wonder what exactly was wrong with me.He once said "you aren't tight enough"And I lost a furthermore bar of confidence I had been saving.He once made fun of my boobs in bed, and at first I was laughing but then I realised he was a bit serious.I lost any respect I had for myself.I could not do anything I otherwise would. I lost my happy, chirpy, bubbly and myself.We are now in a long distance relationship. He calls regualrly, wants me to move in with him soon. Just that I can't seem to forget all that has happened.We end up having fights, and I am too stressed out now.I don't feel any good about myself. I regularly check his old pics with his ex and also her profile. I feel like stabbing myself right through. He had pictures of them hugging and and him squeezing her to him. He would not let me put up such pictures of us or even be comfy clicking them.He says he respects me too much to think of me as 'sexy' or 'hot'. He won't talk about sex.He is all clingy emotionally and all about 'us'. Yet I never feel it.The worst thing that happened was when he was leaving, we were at the airport, and he didnt hug me before walking away, not a good squeeze. He is not comfy with PDAs so I tried to shrug it off. I took everything positively and kept writing emails to him to which he never showed any interest. would call but not write about/to them.Now he is a mature guy and sticks to all he says and misses me and is mushy too. etc etc. very credible too.I now mock at people/friends who compliment me even ordinarily. I dont believe in myself.Just what is the trouble if someone could help.I am contemplating a break/ break up. I am too stressed. Clinically so.
View related questions:
a break, boobs, confidence, his ex, long distance, lose weight, tattoo Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Contemplating a break up? Do it RIGHT now. You have sadly given him too much of a hold on yourself. Its natural to surrender to your partner and let your guard down, but your partner has completely twisted this and is emotionally abusing you. He doesn't love you for who you are. That is the worst thing ever.
This guy has told you a lot of damaging stuff, but the truth is, you've allowed all of it to affect you. He did a wrong thing by telling you a whole bunch of nonsense but you havent done any better either, by believing him. How can you do that? Can anyone just tell you anything and walk away leaving you shattered? Don't be such an easy victim OP. Make yourself strong. To hell with him; who is HE to comment on your body?
Dumping him is just the first step, but that's not the solution to your problem. He is toxic and an idiot not worth wasting even a minute over. Discard him. You don't need someone who has zero respect for you. But more importantly, work on yourself and love and respect yourself. Unless YOU do that, no one else will.
There is criticism and then there is constructive criticism. Its one thing to encourage your partner to be better, but its another thing to hurt the other person. The very first time that he hurt you, you should have told him to stay within his limits and not ever dare to comment on your body. Your silence spurred him on to hurt you even more, because he saw that that that gave him an upper hand, a hold on you. It was a sense of power. And that is what emotional abusers feed on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 October 2011):
 "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"That was said by Eleanor Roosevelt many years ago and it's very very true.You've listed all the things that make you unhappy... now list all the things that make you happy about the relationship and compare them. if the pros outweigh the cons you should stay... and learn to deal with the cons or if you can't deal with it then you should leave.A man who told me to lose weight would be shown the front door and magically I would lose the same amount of weight as he weighed...A man who told me "you aren't tight enough" (meaning sexually I assume) would be told "perhaps if your penis were larger than my little finger you could feel something" and then I'd magically lose all that weight as I showed him the door....He's not a partner he's an emotional abuser....
...............................
|
