A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this girl for a good few years. I haven't spoken to her as much as I would have liked to over this period of time.. but recently we started talking again over facebook chat.. She was finishing off her degree (This all started about 2 months ago) and coming back to the city for good , whilst Ive got one more year at university (in same city and we're the same age). We got on really well in our chats, she started telling me I was one of the nicest guys she knows etc.. sharing photos of funny things(not sexual), she started telling me about little things maybe not every guy knows about. Over time we just realized that we enjoyed talking a lot, and whenever we met up with friends or whatever we would enjoy ourselves. I ended up telling her how I felt during a party and we ended up sleeping in the same bed for two days~ everything seemed cool --- she told me that she wasnt sure whether she was ready for another relationship (broke up with her ex in january 2012, he used to be abusive :|) and that she was really busy with exams and work (she does other work for extra income). I understood and accepted her reasons, but she never said no!.. anyway she seemed fine for the weekend, and when she left everything was still cool.. two days later..she was ignoring me, not talking to me, not replying with long answers, and she became cold. After a few days I told her that I apologize if I put pressure on her, and that I just didnt want to lose her as a friend over this. She replied saying that she really valued my friendship, and that she was really sorry for acting weird. The question really is... shall I move on and forget about her? OR is there something there? She could have easily blanked me out of her life.. but instead she apologized for acting weird, and now we're back to talking as normal and things are cool~~
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Several options here.
She may have lost confidence in her ability to cope with a new relationship, due to her past abuse.
She may have met someone else.
She may be having second thoughts.
Or she just wants time to get used to the idea.
And abuse in the past or even the recent past can play havoc with how the victim feels about future relationships. Familiarise yourself with the signs she has been abused, You do not know if that was her first abusive relationship or if she has suffered before.
if the latter she is very vulnerable and making decision will be hard for her.
And do not expect her to reveal her past abuse to you. She might need a few years of trust between the two of you before she could do that.
If you think you can take on this burden then I suggest you attend some counselling on how to handle a relationship if your partner has been the subject of abuse in the past, recent or earlier than that.
Don't pressure her. This sounds like it is very difficult for her. If she is very important to you then please try to be patient and give her time.
Even then, there is no guarantee. The rewards might be worth it if you can be patient and non-judgemental.
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