A
male
age
41-50,
*onfrusturated
writes:My girlfriend and i of 9 years recently split up about 6 months ago. our reason for splitting was my fault as i disrespected her family, some of my actions looked as though i was unfaithful, and drank way to much.. these were repeated actions over the 9yrs. Since we have split, i have gotten help with my issues and have realized how much i really do love her. We have been talking, intamate and are considering getting back together. She is confused because her whole family and friends tell her it would be a mistake, she isnt sure that it wont happen again and and isnt sure how to tell her family that we are talking because she doesnt want to deal with their comments. Her parents are really controling and tough to talk to. she is also worried that if we do get back together that we may not be happy because her family doesnt like me or the fact that we are together.. what can we do to try and get past this? any suggestions on what i can say to her or do with her to try and save or rekindle our relationship.... she isnt open to going to counseling together right now, she doesnt thing she should tell her family yet that we are talking and she doesnt know how to make the decision if she should trust me enough to allow me to start rebuilding the trust that i betrayed to start with... any advice would be helpful. thanks.
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female
reader, Bailey J  +, writes (3 April 2007):
 Maybe it would be a good idea to go and see her parents. Discuss this with them face to face. Tell them what you have done to change yourself and how much you love their daughter. If they see you have had the courage to speak with them, they might give you a chance. Also you need to speak with your girlfriend and tell her that you are doing all you can to prove to her that you have changed, she needs to give you a chance or tell you its over for good. Theirs no point in prolonging the situation tel her, she either makes up her own mind about you and stop listening to her parents or start a fresh life without you. Tell her this in the most nicest of ways though.
A
male
reader, Confrusturated +, writes (3 April 2007):
Confrusturated is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSince the ex and I split up, I have gone to counseling and got help with respect, drinking, relationship ect.. I hve asked her if she thought it would be a good idea if i wrote a apology letter to her parents and family taking responsibility for my actions and explaining how i actually feel about their daughter, my ex doesnt think that would be a good idea and that it wouldnt do anything. Her parents and family are the kind of people that are very judgemental and they hold grudges if you have done something to offend them.. personally I would like to write a letter of apology. as for being happy. My ex, is scared to get back together with me because she isnt 100% sure that the things i did in the past wont ever happen again. befor i can try to repair this with her parents, i have to try and get her to decide to take me back and thats the struggle part.. how can i get her to do this.. I have been trying to show her change in the time that we are together but because of the situation, we dont do alot of things together where i might have screwed up.. oh and thanks for the initional advice.
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A
female
reader, Bailey J +, writes (3 April 2007):
The only way you can gain some ones trust again is by being patient with there decisions. If she is hesitant tell her that no matter how long it takes for her and her family to trust you, you will wait. Advise her that if this means not jumping back into the relationship that’s find with you. Ensure her that you have changed and you want her to see you have. Once you haver done this I’m sure she and her family wont be as hesitant.. but if and when you get back together, you still have to earn her truest, this takes time you see.
Take Crae
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A
female
reader, diane cragg +, writes (3 April 2007):
hi all i can tell you is from past experience.it is important that you keep talking but you need to show her you have changed just telling her will not do it
start some counselling sessions on your own and tell her honestly about it.make contact with family members by letter explaining that you know you let them yourself and theier daughter down,you understand the mistakes you made and that you are willing to prove your love and your ability to change is genuine.explain that it is important to you that they know you are open and honest about mistakes you made and you are ready to accept the responsibility for them and that you knpoe you need to rebuild there trust but that you do love their daughter and that is the only thing that matters to you.be prepared to face them and their preconseptions it takes a lot of bad days before you gat to the good ones.but hang in there if they can see you truly love their daughter they will come around if you make her happy
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