A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm at a very distressing time in my life and its because I'm so paranoid of Women. It started as I was little and in kindergarten. I always noticed how the girls in class would act towards guys. After each grade I would notice random things but its was when I finally got to high school I started to become paranoid because in my mind it seems to fit all together. I tried to get dates but I would notice when a girl would lie, or try to get something from me. Now I'm in college and I don't trust any female at all. I'm paranoid that all they want is something from me and want to use me. My biggest fear in life is being used and I've seen how girls use my male friends so I stay the hell away at all cost! It sounds funny and weird but lately I've been coming to conclusion that all women are ^^^^ in some way and it's disturbing. I'm not mean to women of course but in my mind I have no respect for them because I have not found one woman that is respectable. It seems like every girl sleeps around and that irks me to oblivion. Can anyone help me? Did I make myself paranoid and cause myself to be delusional about women? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 June 2012):
 Wait'll you get to my age. You will pray, every day, that some woman - ANY woman - will "use" you...
Good luck......
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (10 June 2012):
 I think you need to talk with someone (a therapist) who can help you with this issue. It sounds as if you are not even giving the girls you go out with a chance. You just automatically consider them liars. Why? I have news for you also. In life, sometimes you are going to be used. There is no way of getting around that. If you want to have relationships/friendships with people at all...they will use you at times and you will use them...sometimes without even realizing it. People are not perfect. If you are afraid of ever being hurt...you'd might as well lock yourself up in your room and stay there. The fact you are human means that at some time or another...you are going to be hurt...no way around it. Please get yourself a good therapist or talk to a trusted friend unless you really do want to stay single all of your life (nothing wrong with that by the way). I was afraid of relationships through high school and college because I thought I'd fall for someone and they would interfere with the plans I had for myself, so I chose not to date until I got my degrees. Maybe you just don't want to date anyone for awhile. Go out and do your thing and don't worry about women for awhile. I am not sure where you are getting the "all girls sleep around" view, because not all girls do sleep around. I would never say that about all men because I know it isn't true. Maybe you are associating with the wrong kind of girls. Anyway, think about your biases and it's probably best for you not to get involved with anyone until you figure out why you feel this way.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 June 2012):
 "I tried to get dates but I would notice when a girl would lie, or try to get something from me. "
This comes from your paranoia, I will guess. You put too high value on things that in your mind, as you said, fit together. But that in the real world does not necessarily fit together in the way you have come to think it does. So these "signs" you see of women trying to get something out of you can quite possibly be because of your paranoia, and not from a real threat.
When you are paranoid you see "proof" everywhere. You think people are out to get you, and you see evidence of this in things they do, things they say. But, these things are made up, or taken out of context, or words are twisted to fit your "system" where everything makes sense to you.
If you are not mentally balanced the world, with it's lack of system and stability, lacking in rules or predictability, becomes too scary to handle. So you make up rules, or systems, to protect yourself. Because you haven't learned, or are incapable of handling the word for just what it is: without systems, laws, or predictable outcomes.
You said your friends have been "used" by women. Have you talked to your friends and asked them if they feel used? If your friends have truly been used... why would they continue to pursue women you think? My guess is that your friends do not see themselves as used at all.
This is something you should speak to a therapist or psychologist about. You can also look up online "paranoid personality disorder", and see if the descriptions fit you. However, you can't diagnose yourself. Being paranoid about women isn't the same as having a personality disorder either, just so that is said. But a psychologist would be able to diagnose you (therapist can't diagnose you). Understanding yourself better, and understanding what is a real thought and what comes from fear or paranoia, will help you handle this. But you'll need to contact your doctor, or school, and get to therapy/to see a psychologist.
Feeling the way you do is not normal, nor is it founded in real life experiences or "signs" that you think you see. It is impossible to put all women together as ONE individual with only negative characteristics. That in itself is your first proof of your thoughts not being based on reality, but based on irrational fears and paranoia.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 June 2012):
 You need therapy to try and address why you believe it is OK to marginalize an entire group of humans. Look back over your question and replace every instance of "women" with "black people" or "Jewish people" or any other group of people. Would you think that was OK?
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