A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do. I've been married for 2 years; together for 7. I'm not happy with my husband anymore but I can bring myself to be committed to leaving. We've tried counseling and things didn't get better. His temper is out of control to the point he has become physical with me even though he hasn't actually hit me. We both decided to divorce. Then moments later he was yelling in my face like a drill sargeant and pushed me back against the wall when I tried to move from him. He thinks I can't let things go; like when there's an issue I want to address with him. He wants to say his peace about it and then not hear anything back from me on it; no back talk as he puts it. Anyway, the day after saying he wanted a divorce ( and me too), he came back and said he didn't. So for the past 4 - 5 days he's been trying to get me to give him one more chance. I'm just so confused. I honestly don't feel like I have anything left in me to give and like I can't meet him half way. It's not fair for him to be the only one trying. I told him I need my space to be able to think clearly but he doesn't want me to move out. Any advice on how I can go about finding a good peace about myself and this situation just might help put this in perspective for me.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Its not fair that he's the only one trying? You call what he does trying? Being abusive, screaming and yelling, pushing you up against the wall and denying you the right to speak? You call that trying?? This man isn't trying. He wants to get another chance to pin you down and strangle you, and get you used to this treatment so you wont leave. He's not asking for a chance for HIM to improve. He's asking for YOU to take another chance and be with his abusive self.Im sorry Im so harsh, I only speak based on what you've said, but I know in situations like these it is hard to see the forest for the trees. You sound very confused and at your wits end, because you think that he somewhere has a decent honest heart and that he really wants to make this marriage work. But come on, is he honestly even trying? He's an adult, he KNOWS he can't treat people the way he does and get away with it, yet he does it! No one is forcing him! To be violent and agressive, THAT is his choice. To try and make a marriage work? I don't see that he is doing anything to make it work.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 By slamming you against that wall, he crossed a line which he should never have crossed,and now there's no more turning point. No more "trying to make it work " , it won't work, it will only get worse.
You have to leave. Now.
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A
female
reader, KeighleySky  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 I agree with BunnyTee. If a guy ever so much as raised his hadn to me not only would i leave him but id smack him for his trouble. You are a woman of the 21st century, you have the right to leave him an dodnt let him persuade you other wise. You do not belong to him. Get out whilst you still can.Good luck :) x
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 May 2010):
 You have to do the hard thing, which is to end it. It's a scary thing if his temper gets out of control, he demands no "talk back" and puts his hands on you in any way. Without help, he will not change, but will only get worse. If I were in your position, I'd tell him that he needs to take anger management courses. I'm thinking that he hates himself for having that kind of temper. However, it's up to you if you want to even go through that with him. I think your hesitation is because, in fact, you do love him. But I know that starts getting dim when he loses his temper and treats you like he is doing.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (21 May 2010):
 First: Slamming you against a wall IS physical abuse. Period. Don't believe me? call the police, they'll give him a ride and some shiny bracelets...Also true is that if he does it once he'll do it again.This type of thing increases exponentially; Next you'll be having re constructive surgery for something. ZERO TOLERANCE on this stuff, sister. And ZERO MEANS ZERO. "No back talk" as in don't you back sass me? Is this guy your husband or are you in a Dom/sub relationship? This is an abuser plain and simple. You need to get away from this brute. I personally, know a woman who has lost her hearing for the rest of her life due to "talking back" . Her shattered eardrums had to be removed, so badly was she beaten. You have every reason to get away from the unhappiness you state you feel. Abusers remain abusers, they don't stop, they don't change. Get away from that man or we'll be reading about you in the papers.
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