A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear friends...i need to know what this means!i broke up with my bf 6 months ago... it seemed our relationship was beyond repair... soon after, i totally regreted it and started taking attitudes to show him i wanted him back. he went for it, at first, but then, out of the blue, started to ignore me.i was totally heartbroken... i missed him so much and he wouldn't answer my texts, or my calls...anyway, today, for the first time he picked up the phone and we talked for about half an hour about everything...i asked him why he ignored me, and he said it was better not to talk about it. i asked if he was seeing anyone, and he said no, that he ignored me because it was easier.after, he asked me if i had been with someone else after the break, and i said yes. but i kinda lied to him about how many guys (i said 1 and it was 3) and about knowing them (i told him i didn't know them before, but i did). I don't know why i did this, since i never lied to him before!after, he told me he'd been with a girl (just kissed), and that it felt wierd... and that there was no future to them...i don't know what to think!do you guys think he was telling the truth about only being with one girl? or he lied to me to spare my feelings like i did to him?why is he talking to me again? i didn't feel like he wanted me back, does he wants to be friends?i'm confused...i just wanted to understand better the situation so i can act acordingly!Tks! =)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 December 2011):
 maybe you both lied because you both do want to be with each other. That being the case, who you have been with, or not, whether it be 1 person or 5 persons is irrelevant.
The two of you care. He cared enough to ask if there had been anyone. And you so want him to have a good opinion of you that you were afraid to tell the truth.
Both of you need to focus just on each
other.
Do not waste your time dwelling on the past (the short interval when the two of you were not together)
Instead focus on how the two of you can:
1. Start rebuilding a re-connection
Listen, Talk and get to know each other again
2. Tell him how much you missed him and why he is so unique to you
3. Rebuild the Trust so you never feel motivated to lie to him now.
4. Playfully flirt as you work through 1. And 2. And 3.
Don't take life too seriously. Try address the issues that caused frightn before.
Find opportunities to enjoy fun relaxing times together
Smile at him as much as you can.
Make him feel as comfortable.
Show him by your actions that you think he is special and 'the One'
But also make sure that his vaues and attitudes are ones that share too for greater harmony in the future
There are no guarantees in life. But at least you can give it your best effort and hope he wants you back
Best Wishes
Abella
A
female
reader, dontbeamenace  +, writes (11 December 2011):
I have gone through a similar situation. He told me once "How can I miss you if you won't go away?" I spent a great deal of time romanticizing the relationship I had lost. I forgot to look at the reasons why it had ended. My ex and I still get together and have coffee. We still talk on the phone, but we both know that what we were is over. We were the best of friends while together, and we have remained friends. I like this situation, although at first I did want to get back together and I misinterpreted his friendly gestures. You need to ask yourself if you might be doing the same thing.
You need to talk to your ex. Lay it out, say what you need to say, and listen to what he has to say. It may turn out that he would like to try again, it may turn out that he doesn't want to, that he just wants to be friends. Either way, communication is the only way to clarify the situation for both of you. Be honest. You don't have to pull all the skeletons out of the closet, but you need to be honest.
Best of luck hon,
D
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