A
female
age
36-40,
*eknikal
writes:I have been carrying on a from what seems on the outside a professional relationship with a man I know from college (not a Professor, in another capacity). Yet, I know deep inside it is more than that. The long gazes he gives me that are too intense that I need to turn away, his extended laughing and smiling over practically nothing that I consider funny that I have said or done, the attentiveness from him that is not necessary. We walk and talk together after we meet, which is infrequent. We've managed to find ways to spend time with each other during these times, even if it's just as friends or just being near each other. Granted, there have been times I have been indifferent and when I have, he has come back at me with more attention. This in itself is odd, we have never explicitly discussed dating or being together, but he's given me enough signals to indicate that is he interested. He's very crafty at telling me what he thinks without actually saying it, and he's lucky that I can pick up on his cryptic messages. Everything is fine when we are around each other, but other times than that, I am a wreck. There have been times I have seen him around, and I get so nervous I cannot approach him. I know he has seen me though, and he ignores me. He has been on a very predictable schedule once he noticed I was looking for him. He was so brazen to once walk by me extremely close to catch my attention where I was sitting, then he kept walking. I have seen him so many times, and I know he has seen me as well, but I get so flustered that I just keep walking or I act like I didn't see him. I also keep thinking why he doesn't approach me, and this whole time it's been that way. I feel like I am doing all the work. He is making himself available to me, but he's not making it easy. I don't know what to do. I used to be very forward in my younger years, but once I saw that wasn't the best thing to do, I stopped being forward with men. Now, since there is such a deep intensity I feel for this particular man, I can't even approach him without feeling like my heart is going to explode. I believe he has taken notice that I get really nervous, because he has seen me running away from him in some circumstances when I've seen him coming my way. I run because he makes me THAT nervous. But, I could probably walk right by him and he wouldn't try to come back and say Hi or anything.Why does he ignore me when he sees me, knows I am around him, or when the opportunity obviously presents itself, he doesn't ask me to have lunch with him or he doesn't try to be more forward with me. The other day, we sat for a while, and he was kind of quiet, playing on his phone. I don't know what he was waiting for but I was sitting there too trying to make conversation. I can't always read him as well he'd like me to. He essentially made it clear to me that he was done for the day, asked me what I was doing and I said I was done as well, but he sat next to me for an extended amount of time and said nothing! I have been thinking this whole time he doesn't request my company due to our professional relationship, which I understand. He told me yesterday that he has one week left and he is done though. I am afraid once that's done though, things will be the same, and I will be utterly devastated if that is the case. He's so hard to read, he uses very cryptic ways to communicate his feelings to me and I can pick up on it most of the time but I am just tired of playing this game with him. I don't know what he wants me to do. I have friended him online recently, just to let him know personal things he wanted to know that he's not been able to ask me, and the other night I tried chatting with him, but he didn't really say much.Can I be forward now, or would that be out of line at this point? That is, if I can muster up the confidence to do so!! This has been going on for about 3 months and my heart cannot handle the roller coaster of emotions I go through over this man. I am confused and happy all at once.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Teknikal +, writes (27 April 2012):
Teknikal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are all probably right. The semester ended and he didn't even say goodbye really. I am relieved now. Thanks for the harsh truth.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): This would be a fantasy relationship on your part. Honestly the guy is not interested in you. A guy who really wants you and wants to be with you is going to be the least cryptic guy on earth!
Sure, be forward with him. At least you can stop this daydreaming. He's not playing any game!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): You created this 'game.'You follow him some times, and run away others.He hasn't asked you to do any activities with him, and seemed more like he was trying to get you to leave him alone by playing with his phone and ignoring you.Does he have a girlfriend?Laughing and extended eye contact a few times doesn't mean he wants a relationship with you. He has your online account information and if he decides to contact you after he is no longer your instructor, he may.Finally, my fiance teaches a few classes at a college. Every semester he has at least one girl like you who became obsessed with him because they misinterpreted him doing his job by helping them (tutoring), or conversing with them for five or ten minutes about a hobby or an unrelated to the class subject as some kind of romantic interest.
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