A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, it all started a few years ago when I met this guy. We became instant friends and we have been really close ever since we met. Since we met we have almost been inseperable. Sure, we've had our fall outs, but what longterm friendship wouldn't? I guess our friendship was always different because one of us sometimes liked the other as more than a friend at different points in our friendship. But he has had plenty of girlfriends and I have always been by his side as his closest friend. Last year however, our relationship became sexual. We startwd having sex but never made it into anything more. He also had a couple of gfs throughout the year and we suprisingly kept our sexual relationship going. The thing is, it has always been really complicated emotionally. Like he would always want to be talking to me, night and day, and I always wanted to talk to him. At one point we almost stopped being friends all together because we got into a fight about not having an actual relationship. He said I didn't have what it took to be in a relationship because I constantly lie to hide my feelings. But in the end, we just couldn't not be friends. Recently things have gotten even more complicated.So, I found out I will be moving out of state for atleast a year. I told my friend and he seemed sort of in shock. And then all of a sudden, he started acting very different with me. He still has a girlfriend but he acts as if we are in a relationship as well. We are constantly talking and texting and he wants to talk on the phone with me almost every night. We hangout several times throughout the week because we are in the same group of close friends and when we are together he touches me alot, we sit close together, lean our heads on eachother's shoulders, etc. He also gets jealous of me and our guy friends sometimes which bothers me because we aren't even together! It's very hard not to give in to his behavior however because it seems like he really cares about me. He tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me all of the time. He says he's going to miss me so mu ch when I'm gone and I believe he is sincere. He also talks about us in the future sometimes. He told me he wants to always be something to me even if we both have partners. He said I've always been his only weakness... I really believe he cares about me but again, he does have a gf. I see him and talk to him more than she does but I'm also leaving soon.I'm not saying I want a relationship with him, atleast not now.. I just don't understand what he wants from me. When we started this "fwb" thing we never set any rules. We never said this is all about sex or anything like that. He says he loves me all of the time and I can't help but be confused about what he really wants from me. Because we don't eveb talk about sex all of the time. Oh, and my friend also mentioned that if I had sex with another guy, he would be mad. But we aren't dating, I'm not his gf! Can some please shed some light on this situation for me? I seriously need advice and would really appreciate it. Thankyou.PS. Sorry for spelling errors, I typed this from my cell phone.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): You can over-analyze this for hours but it's not really complicated at all. The guy wants the same thing that many (most?) people would like to have in a fantasy world. He wants to screw multiple GFs without those girls sleeping with any other guys.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): "because I constantly lie to hide my feelings"Is this true?If so, then you need to work on yourself, and avoid all relationships other than casual friendships, certainly no serious "dating" relationships, until you can figure out why you do this.People do this for serious internal emotional issues. If they don't figure out why, and stop, it destroys every relationship they get into.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (30 June 2011):
 He told you that YOU do not have what it takes to be in a relationship because you hide behind your feelings?
You were rather expressive here, so I doubt that is it.
UNLESS he has been in open relationships with ALL the gfs he sleeps with, he does not know how to be in a relationship either! Do these other women know he has a FWB relationship with you?
I think he sounds like a manipulative and possessive player.
All that complications and confusion..is it worth it?
I would suggest you go on to your new life for the following year with NO STRINGS attached to him.
Consider dating someone who really respects you and thinks its special to date ONLY YOU:)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 Well it sounds to me like he does care deeply about you, but it is not fair how he is treating his girlfriends by sleeping with you as well. You need to be careful and make sure that you are being safe, because there is a risk of catching an STI here if you are not careful. Do you really feel happy having sex with him when you know that he is also doing the same thing with his girlfriend?
OK well back to him it does sound like he wants to be with you but he feels that maybe you don't want to be in a relationship with him and you are not openly telling him how you feel. I guess maybe you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. If you do not want to be with him well then stop having sex with him because it will only confuse him more. He doesn't want you sleeping with other people because he wants you for himself but he is also sleeping with other girls so really its not fair of him to behave like this. You both need to openly talk about what you want out of the future.
Obviously you are heading away now so there is not much point in getting in to a relationship. But use your time away to think about things and clear your head away from it. Maybe when you come back you will be able to think clearly and you will know if you want to have a relationship with him or not.
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