A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I would like you aunts opinion on this please.I am in a relationship with a man and have been for many years, we both are in our late 50's so really i was shocked and very surprised by this action of his.The other day we where making love and he stopped to answer his phone'i was totally shocked by his action and i became very upset.on the other hand he doesn't see himself as doing anything wrong, i told him i thought it showed a complete disregard for me and he should apologize,he has not done this,so i have said that's it this is over between us.his only response to me was sent in a text saying.Sorry i did not meet your high expectations.I don't regard those words as an apology.have i over reacted or do i deserve something better than he has given me.i thought being a mature man he would never do such a thing i would never think of doing something like that i always turn my phone off. am i right to expect him to do the same and show some respect for me. because i don't think what he did shows any respect at all.And i am hurt and very upset by what he has done. thanks for any advice you may give me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): how long did the call last?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (16 January 2012):
 If he's like most of us guys, he has a special ring-tone for his stock broker... and ALWAYS answers that incoming call... as it may be a wonderful opportunity for a new security... or an old one that is about to take off!.... and he wants to know about it, so that he can make that humongous profit and use it to take YOU on a great vacation to someplace warm and romantic....
Isn't THAT worth a brief delay in your ongoing nik-nik????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 January 2012):
 I've answered the phone during love making... if you don't, they will keep calling back and the ring distracts me. I'd rather have one short interruption... "hello you have lousy timing I"ll call you back" than 3 or 4 rings every 3 or 4 minutes... (and yes I was known to say that statement to my MOTHER)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 January 2012):
 I think it's very ill-mannered to answer your phone when you are in the middle of lovemaking. However, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. AS long as it didn't happen again.
I can't imagine what is SO darn important that it can't wait 20-30 minutes (or in some cases 2-3 minutes)...
But I think you overreacted a tad.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (16 January 2012):
Makes me think of the first 'leaked' Paris Hilton video, where she did the same thing -- answered her phone in the midst of hot and heavy sex. Remarkably non-erotic.
I had that situation when I was young, maybe 20 or so. The phone rang and my gf said "if you answer that I'll kill you". But I was afraid it was my mother calling to tell me she was on her way home, so I answered. The gf married me anyway.
It's up to you to decide whether he had a valid reason to answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): It is sort of strange, but as long as it doesn't happen again (and you've made sure to tell him how unhappy and shocked you were, so it shouldn't) I wouldn't worry about it. It's just one of those bizarre, stupid things that can happen during sex, like calling out the wrong name etc. you might even find it quite funny some time later. But if there are other signs that he doesn't have any respect for you throughout your day to day life, or the guy is really addicted to his cell phone, then maybe it will be time to start thinking about getting away from such a relationship. good luck
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 January 2012):
 I think he could have turned his phone off. However, maybe the call was important.
I agree with others that you overreacted.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 January 2012):
 I think you overreacted, if this was one of the few, or even first, times he did such a thing. If he's been warned several times before, and you've had a talk about this before, then he obviously couldn't care less. But if this was the first time it happened then a warning and a sincere talk about it should have been enough. Dropping a year long relationship over this sounds a bit dramatic.
Sure, what he did wasn't good, but no one is perfect and people screw up from time to time. There's got to be some leeway. If this is one of the few things he's done wrong then you should excuse him.
However.. seeing as he doesn't sound too apologetic I wonder if he's just this sort of person who keeps doing these sorts of things, and this was the final straw for you?
People some times have no clue that what they do is utterly disrespectful, or maybe they don't think things through. But like I said, if this was the first time it happens, or one of the few times it happens, let it slide. If this was just the final straw in a long line of similar incidents, then you are right to drop him. Either way YOU are the one who is either in a relationship with him or not, it doesn't matter if I would forgive this or that. Maybe these things upset you more than they upset me, and as such are of higher importance to you. You got to judge for yourself if this was a dealbreaker or not.
I'd give him a call and ask to talk to him about what happened though, hear his side of things and ask if he is willing to talk about it and listen to your side as well. Then take it from there. But a text message says so little, so I strongly advise you to at least call him and ask him to meet you so you can talk in person about this. Just calm down first, and think about it. Then call him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 January 2012):
 I can see why you would be hurt and upset, but I think breaking up with him was a bit extreme if you have been together a long time and this was a first for him to do something like this. Did you let him explain why he answered his phone or who it was that was calling? It could have perhaps been that he was waiting on a important phone call. I understand why it has upset you, but I think talking it over with him would help more than breaking up with him and asking him not to do it again to you because it really hurt you. If you just explain to him how it made you feel and maybe in future he will turn off his phone. Good luck.
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