A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if the idea of real romance like in the movies is really impossible to find in relationships? Of course I realize they are only movies but a girl can dream right? I always hated romance movies because I think yeah right! But there have been a few people whom I've known to actually have that in their love lives. I just got out of a 3 year relationship and one thing I always wanted was that passion, the kind in the movies. I guess I'm also asking is it wrong that I don't want to settle for less than that even if that means I'm single for the rest of my life? I just know that when I see myself being truly happy with someone, there is that one of a kind love. Is it all too much?
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 February 2013):
 Movies are contrived; Life is not. Go figger....
Good luck....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): That depends on your expectations OP and how high they are. "The same as in the movies" is a step too far if you ask me.
The simple fact is passion does slow down. It doesn't have to go completely of course but it does get replaced by a far more secure, deeply loving comfort, one that in my opinion is just as good as the initial passion and even better.
Maybe you just didn't get that feeling or maybe you're just not ready to settle down into that yet.
OP passion doesn't keep a relationship alive on its own, it really shouldn't be your main goal.
My most passionate relationships, the closest to movie like romances where fiery, short lived and very intense. The kind of passion you see in movies is actually infatuation, sure it's mutual but if they ever did a follow up to what really happens in relationships like that, they'd most likely be ones filled with arguments, abuse etc. Women in romance movies accept the unacceptable and really do go for guys who would be unsuitable partners in real life.
The male lead is generally a messed up loner, ptsd just out of the army, drinking heavily and working on a boat on his own, not able to maintain healthy relationships with anyone. They portray the most desirable man as an emotionally disturbed hunk that the female lead has to "save". The whole love conquers all myth is then perpetuated by the fact that even though he cheated on her, beat his love rival half to death, beat her up, or took notice of her because she took off her nerd glasses, put some make up on and did her hair, is a really messed up kind of concept to buy into OP.
You're the female equivalent of a guy who wants a woman who fucks like porn star. Who watches porn and is unhappy with his ex because she wouldn't let him rough her up and pound her ass.
Manage your expectations OP and don't look to movies as some kind of guide to follow. You'll just spend your life disappointed that guys don't suddenly make you weak at the knees every day for the rest of your life.
Just enjoy the initial passion and if you fall into that deep love then great.
But even your statement about being single for ever instead of "settling" shows a danger that you may turn into these lonely old spinsters who never gave any guy a chance because he had to be perfect in every way from the start, the kind of woman who either gets desperate or bitter later in life because she bought into the bullshit notion of Mr. Right and was too unforgiving of guys who didn't have exactly what she was looking for in every way.
...............................
A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86  +, writes (25 February 2013):
I dumped my last boyfriend for not being very passionate towards me and some other stuff. I too want that, most women are into that kind of stuff that's why they make the romance films. The key thing to remember is they are going to have some flaws, the romance films only show the good parts. I'd say just keep going until you find the one who makes you feel nice.
...............................
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (25 February 2013):
Dear OP,No one can answer for you if you will find the one-of-a-kind love. However, I just want to warn you about believing too much in romance movies. They usually start when people get to know each other and stop when people get together. So, they don't show what happens to the happy couple in the long run. The characters don't have to put up with financial or sexual troubles, different world views, unstable jobs, child rearing, or little mistakes and occasional boredom. They don't move together and deal with household duties, shared hobbies, different tastes about the television program different sex drives, incompatible friends.. so, what I want to say, these movies don't show life with all it's ups and downs, they only show a really small part. You know, I only had one long relationship in my life and there was not much passion in the beginning, well, not either throughout the relationship. But I was happy then and my ex was a great influence in my life. I later fell "passionately" in love with someone who turned out to be a complete idiot after I got to know him better. The initial spark or flame and happiness can be very deceiving. Yes, for the people in those movies, it always turns out well. But in real life, if you're too much in love, it can also mean you're not really seeing the person, only your fantasies. But, back to your question.. I think you can find passion in this life. But in a different way than in the movies. If you want to find passion, you have to be ready to take risks. Be upfront with your desires. Be who you are and say what you want. And also, make life beautiful yourself. Don't expect a man to come into your life and entertain you, get creative as well.
...............................
A
male
reader, justaguy71  +, writes (25 February 2013):
Its not too much to ask. There are people every second experiencing that wonderful passion. Just keep searching and try to feel what it will be like and it will come to you.
...............................
|
