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The girl I love is my best friends daughter. What do we do now?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Cheating, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 October 2009) 8 Answers - (Newest, 23 October 2009)
A female United States age 51-59, *n_love_with_a_girl writes:

I am 42 yrs old and have been best freidns with my co worker Dan since high school. I was even his best man at his wedding. I was in a long term relationship that ended 10 months ago, Dan was awlways trying to set me up with different people but none ever clicked. 4 months ago I was out at a bar with some friends when Camryn (Dan's 21 yr old daughter) who has been away at school came up and said hi, I hadnt seen her in a few yrs so we spent the better part of the night talking and drinking. For the next few weekends we would see each other out and just talked, until one night her friends were leaving to go to another bar and she decided to stay with me. After lots to drink we got a cab back to my place and ended up sleeping together. I felt very guilty the next day and couldn't even look Dan in the face the next day at work. I promised myself that it would never happen again. But of coarse it did. But it turned into more then just sex. I have real feelings for her. We have ben having a relationship for the past few months, going on dates, hanging out. Dan knows I am seeing someone , but has no idea who it is. He keeps insiting that I introduce him to her. Camryn and I both agree that it is time that we let her family in on our relationship but I have no idea how I go about telling Dan. I know that he will feel like I betrayed him in some way. How do I tell him that I am seeing his daughter and how do you think he will handle it.

View related questions: at work, best friend, co-worker, wedding

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009):

Well, you could tell him that you really like him as a friend and especially so, his progeny. You could say that you and him get each other in more ways than just casual friendship-you've made yourself part of the family. For some reason though I think he's gonna be pissed. Then, again we may all be wrong. Perhaps, he will see your relationship as something his independent and self-realized daughter wanted to pursue and not see you as a predator taking advantage of a lonely woman who is his daughter.

BTW, her name is not the most common so he may see this post yet.

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A female reader, MsIndependent19 United States +, writes (21 October 2009):

MsIndependent19 agony auntWell lets just watch out you probably going to get knocked out. Its his daughter and I don't care what anyone says that kind of age gap is most likely not going to work out... She is 21 and she will want someone younger sooner or later...

so why don't you do yourself a favor and go date someone your own age?!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009):

I would be honest with your friend because honesty is the best policy. Tell him exactly what you have been doing with his daughter, i.e., A-2-M, facials, etc.

He will appreciate your honesty.

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A male reader, johnny123 United States +, writes (20 October 2009):

This best friend has been betrayed since your 2nd date with his daughter. A punch would be normal. His insistance is based on curiosity of your happiness which will turn bad quick. All 3 should meet quickly. Let the chips fall. My wife is about 20 years younger than me, no big deal on that for me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009):

Dude, out of all the women in the world you could have dated, you pick your best friends daughter? Not only is your best friend is going to think that you betrayed him, but he is going to explode. He is going to feel that you "deflowered" his daughter. I just think this is total infatuation and you are getting a total ego boost from the fact that a 21 year old little girl is sleeping with you. I know that in the long run he is going to forgive his daughter, but you may have lost your best friend. So I hope that it was worth it. Good luck.

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A female reader, dearkelja United States +, writes (18 October 2009):

dearkelja agony auntHonesty is always best. He is going to be doubly angry with you, one for what he may feel is a violation of friendship or male code. The other reason he will be angry is that you have been keeping this secret. He will also be upset with his daughter for mostly keeping the secret. So don't expect a warm reception but the sooner you come clean the sooner you can work on healing.

It is possible he may not want to continue the friendship though his daugher is his for ever.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009):

you are f*cking your best friends daughter. how old is she again? how do you expect him to react? you are her fathers age, best man at his wedding right? your long term relationship only ended 10 months ago, is this kid your rebound girl? i hope you are not using her sexually. her father will have your head.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (18 October 2009):

I don't think he's going to be happy. All you can is face him with her and hope for the best. But be sure you really want her. After all, there is a long age gap. What if she wants children and such? Good luck either way.

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