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The conversation online with a friend became a little "dirty," his gf found out and became suspicious! Should I ignore her or take other precautions?

Tagged as: Cheating, Online dating, Three is a crowd, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 March 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 5 March 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I was chatting online to a friend and it got a little dirty on a couple of occasions, the friend is a friend of my boyfriend who i have been with a long time. His girlfriend found out and got really annoyed, we said it didnt mean anything but she didnt like it at all. She also got caught lying about checking in on his account and stuff so now she if annoyed that she got caught lying about it.

I thought she had got over it, though I havent talked to her since I knew that friend and his girl were okay, now she is saying she wants more information than what we told her.

Im wondering how long this is going on for, dont know if to ignore her or tell her I have told her everything. I didnt say everything as I didnt want him to look bad but wondering if I should now or should just not reply

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (5 March 2008):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

I'm wondering if the flirty talk is as innocent as you make it out to be. Think about why it happened in the first place, you know this guy, you know his girlfriend yet you engage in sexual innuendo and flirting, only people who have an interest in someone will do that. So his girlfriend is upset naturally, how would you feel if you found her talking like this to your boyfriend.

She was wrong to snoop on his emails etc, but she probably suspected something was up . I think you need to own up and say sorry it was a crazy thing to do.

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A female reader, Dawnie United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2008):

Dawnie agony auntYou owe this girl an apology. So what if she checked her b/f's e-mails. Do the decent thing and be honest with her, she deserves that much. It hasn't made you look good at all, your b/f's friend, how low is that? that poor girl deserves much better than him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I already had apologised to her we had an hour conversation

I tried to not make him look bad at all and told her it was harmless talk

She said she was okay but now wants to know more but I have told her everything

I already have my own boyfriend and dont mind when he chats to girls

I think she may be worried as he has chatted up other girls before

I had told her I wont talk to him again but now she has come back later and wants to know more

I responded to a lot of what he said with jokey flirting back but tried to play down his part in it when we talked

Dont want to go back and emphasise what he said and did as it will just get her mad. I didnt tell her what I knew about a couple of other girls he liked as I didnt want her to feel worse

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A female reader, brooke5426 United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2008):

brooke5426 agony auntI think you owe her an apology. She is right to be mad at you. That is her boyfriend, not yours. And of course she is going to ask questions, she wants to know what else you guys have done that she doesnt know about. Don't have the audacity to say she is at blame because she checked his emails, its not right to have an attitude of "yes we got a bit dirty but you werent supposed to find out about it so its not our fault". You should tell her everything that happened, even it will hurt her or make her boyfriend look bad. I really think her suspicion will drive her crazy and you at least owe her the truth. She has the right to know what her boyfriend is doing and what kind of person she is in a relationship with. Apologise to her, apologise to your own boyfriend and keep an eye out for karma.

Brooke x

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A female reader, cutebutnot29 United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2008):

cutebutnot29 agony aunti would just not say anything it sounds to me like she has a few problems of her own like she doesnt trust her b.

maybe you should speak to your friend and get him to talk to her cause it sounds like they have a few problems to sort out

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