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The barmaid has accused me of harassment

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Question - (17 February 2022) 12 Answers - (Newest, 21 February 2022)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I normally like to go down to a working mens club and play snooker with some of the members, sometimes they want to play other times they do not or can’t be bothered.

anyway I’ll try not to make this long and try to make it sound as though it makes sense. some barmaid has accused me of hounding and saying I’ve been making sexual innuendos towards her, which I have not, she claims to not know who I am. when we went to the same school and spoke to me.

somehow she is now playing the amnesia card, this is where someone forgets an event or person, on purpose and confuses the other person, to make out they got it wrong.

I get this daft nonsense all the time, whether it’s a school friend or someone who know who I am, anyway some old fart questions me and says he’s a safe guard officer at the working men's club, blah blah blah, saying I haven’t been warned and it’s going on record,

what does this actually mean? I said she was lying to him and that are findings aren’t true. he said I was welcome to phone him anytime to talk.

I don’t get on well with the steward and stewardesses, because they are an oink of a family and his wife is as rough as a butchers dog, she never smiles, all she does is twiddle her thumbs and he’s a couch potato who sits on his backside doing nothing and the odd occasion comes to the bar.

should I make a complaint about these people and the way I have been treated to the safe guard officer or let them get away with it?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2022):

When do you get a chance to play snooker? The place sounds like an absolute hate-fest!!!

Seems more like a bare-knuckle fight club!

You seem like a sweet and loveable bloke.

You know I mean that sarcastically, right? All this, and you haven't been barred from their club???

Sir, you've given several reasons never to return to that club. You hate everyone there, and refer to them so affectionately as "oinks" (assuming this to be a pig reference); and you called somebody's wife "mean as a butcher's dog." Then there's an old-fart whose vocabulary is limited to blah-blah-blah! It's a place where nobody knows your name! (Taken from the lyrics of the American sitcom Cheers.)

If you've been accused of sexual-harassment, which you claim isn't true, then why on earth would you return to a place where you seem to loathe anything that moves and breathes???

Find another club!!!

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (20 February 2022):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntSounds like the same poster.

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-sue-the-work-colleague-for-libel.html

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A female reader, RubyBirtle United Kingdom +, writes (20 February 2022):

Are you the same poster who posted about a week ago who's also having similar trouble at his work-place?

If you are, why not make an account instead of posting anonymously? It means if you need to post more than once, the regular aunties and uncles here can expand on the advice they've already given rather than just giving you the same old answers.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2022):

You don't have to like anybody if you chose to not like them.But you dislike these people so intensely , then why you keep going to the place they run ? There are certainly other places where you can play snooker,and as for having a drink tbere must be literally dozens of other venues where the barmaids do not hate your guts.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2022):

it’s irrelevant what I am or what my views are, that’s what I think, about the situation. no one has to like one another, if they chose not too. the family is scum, end of story, they shouldn’t be there and should crawl back under the stone, to which they came from. sorry to sound negative or blunt but it’s true, no one likes them or asked for them to be in charge.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (18 February 2022):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWow! What a lovely person you are! NOT!

You are angry, bitter, entitled and have zero respect for anyone. You refer to them as "some old fart", "an oink of a family", "as rough as a butchers dog" or "a couch potato who sits on his backside doing nothing". How charming.

If you have such low regard for the people who try to run this club, why do you go there? I doubt they will lose any sleep over your departure.

I don't even understand a large chunk of your post but, from the general gist, I would put money on the barmaid telling the truth and YOU suffering from convenient amnesia.

You state "I get this daft nonsense all the time". Yeah, and what is the common denominator in all these situations? YOU. Of course, in YOUR eyes, you couldn't possibly be at fault and it is the rest of the world which is wrong. Perhaps it is time to ask yourself why you are so bitter and twisted and hate the world so much?

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (18 February 2022):

kenny agony auntSounds like this place is from One Flew over the Cukko's nest, not a social club.

I'm a member of a social club, these are normally places you go where beer is cheaper, football is always on, and you go to socialise and have a beer and a chat.

All sounds rather strange to me, I agree with FA, Time to find a new club.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2022):

Honeypie I live in the UK, cctv is in some clubs and not in others, and very often they put fake cameras up to frighten people into behaving, because it is too expensive and time consuming to do it properly

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2022):

Easiest thing to do, go somewhere else and persuade your mates to come along with you. Alternatively, speak to the manager at this place and explain you have been falsely accused and ask what he/she suggests to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2022):

Why would you want to continue going in if they are like that? You won't win against this kind of stuff, I wouldn't be making phone calls, if it eases your mind send an email or letter so it's paper trail but even then I'd be very careful and what exactly are you being accused of?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 February 2022):

Honeypie agony auntI think FA is right.

Also, since you are in the UK don't they have CCTV all over? Especially at a club? as FA pointed out, you can't prove a negative. So what would your complaint do?

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (18 February 2022):

Fatherly Advice agony auntTime to find a new club. There is no way you can prove a negative. Her accusation will get respect with anyone, And, you don't really like the people there.

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