A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm an 8th grade teacher and when i was younger I had a baby girl and put her up for adoption because i was only 15 at the time i had her. Now I recently recieved an email from the parents of a child informing me that my daughter was in my class. Now whenever I look at her i want to tell her, but the parents told me not to yet becuase they just told her she was adopted. I have NO idea what to do! should i tell her that i'm her biological mother or just ignore it(which im not sure if i can do) I have no idea! what do you think!? and if I should tell her how would I?? Thanks(: Reply to this Question
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (25 March 2010):
 DO NOT TELL HER. You gave up that right when you put her up for adoption. This is a consequence that you have to live with. The only other option you have is telling the school and having them re-locate her to another classroom maybe. In fact, this is a definite conflict of interest and you shouldn't be teaching her.DON'T TELL HER, and have her removed from your class. Her adoptive parents ARE her parents now. You must do what they say.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): If this is indeed real.
You need to sit down woth the girl's parents. If you feel you are ready to re-enter the girl's life... then it is only right to let you.
You are the mother to this child. YOU gave her life. They gave her a home and a family.
She WILL find out eventually that her family is an adopted one. And if she has any form of brains, she will then track YOU down and be more than a little curious about why you gave her up.
Its best if both her adoptive paraents and yourself arrange it all, if you choose to do this.
To do so without their knowledge is the height of dishonour. You gave your child to them, because for whatever reason you were unable to care for it yourself.
But all of that is null and void when compared to the truth or her genealogical roots.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, _Katy_Did_ +, writes (25 March 2010):
 Seriously? How bored are you? If you're going to take the time to make up a story, at least make it a believable one. You really kept in contact with your "daughter's" parents for that many years? And you didn't even know what she looked like until they emailed you? Silly.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (25 March 2010):
 FAKEEE!!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 What is it with all the fake questions on this site lately?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 I'm with Not My Name
it doesnt make sense, either we dont have all the information or the question is a fake
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (25 March 2010):
 So the adoptive parents had tabs on your whereabouts, knew they were not mistaking you for another of the same name, ..then chose to send the child to your school, made no attempt to keep her out of your class, ... then went out of their way to enlighten you as to this when you may otherwise have been none the wiser.
Hmmm, yeah, that makes lotsa sense - NOT. I don't believe this post sorry.
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A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (25 March 2010):
 I definitely think you should NOT tell her, its not your place. You aren't her mother. She has a mother.
I think you should get together with the adoptive parents and discuss this. This sounds like a terrible situation for everyone.
It has to be incredibly tempting to get to know her. I think you should suggest she be placed in another class. You can still be friendly and keep subtle tabs on her, but without the daily torture.
You are in a no-win situation... if you try to get to know her without telling her and she eventually finds out the truth she with feel betrayed. If you ignore her, it will reinforce the feelings of being rejected or unwanted that many adopted kids feel.
I assume nobody including the adoptive parents knowingly created this situation, but since its there... maybe you should encourage the parents to tell for the above reasons. If you can work with them as a caring participant, you might be able to turn it into a win-win situation. Just remember how threatened adoptive parents feel when there is a biological parent involved.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 Do as her adopted parents advised. It would come as a shock to her if you were to disclose it to her now.
Take the time to really know her and be close to her and find out how she feels about her biological mother.
The right time will come when she will know who is her real biological mother.
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A
female
reader, WHATUPdawg +, writes (25 March 2010):
I would definitely not-NOT tell her. it goes against her parents wishes. you may be her biological mother, but they raised her, and it is their decision when to tell her. besides, that would only trouble her, knowing that her teacher is her biological mother. at least wait until you aren't in such a position. i would discuss it with the parents first, and just do your best to fight the urge to tell her. all in due time.
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