A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Men are visual when it comes to sex! Its a fact..so if your girlfriend will not do sertin things in bed then is it really that rong to watch porn? Insted of tryin to make her do sertin things that she don't wanna do I think she should be fine with it. Its not like i do it right infront of her anyway! I think its rong of her to say no i m not gonna do that and no you can't watch it eather...Its my sexual urg and my choice ...what do you think?
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 September 2010):
 Yes she's such a freak and a weirdo for feeling insecure that her boyfriend feels a need to get off to other women and that she's not enough. What a crazy woman she is for caring that he cares so much about these women that he's throw away the relationship with her rather than give up porn. (read the sarcasm in that last sentences). Don't try to dismiss the issue by brushing her off as insecure. Just because she's insecure about something she quite frankly has every reason to feel insecure about does not mean her feelings aren't legitimate. Did you ever think that maybe his looking at the porn is making her insecure in the first place? Being insecure about him getting off to other women is hardly a sign of "weakness" or that there's something wrong with her. Being insecure doesn't mean her opinion should be disregarded, being insecure about something he's doing means he should address that rather than write it off.
A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 Yes it is up to you and I dont see anything with watching porn as long as it is not an addiction or something you would do instead of doing something special with your girlfriend.
If your girlfriend doesnt like it then she needs to asess her own insecurities.
If she cant get past it then maybe you need to think whether this is a relationship you want to be in.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (30 August 2010):
"Men deal with irrational jealousy over women's previous lovers. Women deal with irrational jealousy over men watching porn."
No, they are completely different. Why? Because you can't change your past, but you can change your present. She can't go back in time and not have sex, but you can stop watching porn.
Watching porn isn't the same as just reading, or watching a movie. It's something sexual, outside
If you continue to watch porn and she has a problem with it, she will most likely eventually leave you. She's made her position clear, your porn use hurts her. So your choices are to stop watching and stay with her, or keep watching and be alone. So basically it comes down to her, or porn. It's your choice, you just have to decide which is more important to you. Your girlfriend, a real live woman, or porn. I think you know which choice is right.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010):
Men deal with irrational jealousy over women's previous lovers. Women deal with irrational jealousy over men watching porn.
Neither problem makes logical sense. But they are both very real and painful.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Sorry my answer was so strong, and probably very unfair... it's just that you make it seem as if there is something wrong with her for not sharing your sexual interests.
There are many ways to satisfy yourself and your girlfriend, why do you turn straight away to pornography, when you could turn to her instead and find some sexual act that you both could do.
Of course it's your right to look at what you want, as long as it's not in her presence, and as long as it's legal. But why cause yourself and her the heart ache and the trouble.
Here, look at this website with your girlfriend.. maybe there is something in here that you haven't tried that you both could do together.
http://www.sexinfo101.com/sexualpositions.shtml
If you felt ok about this, you wouldn't be here asking us. You don't feel comfortable going behind her back and using the porn stuff. If you can think about it in so much detail, then surely you can give it up.
Why cause problems if you don't have too.. there are so many sexual acts, that if she doesn't like one, why not try the next on?
Again, sorry for the strong words, I wasn't thinking purely of her and the distress she will suffer if she finds you using porn.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): You are in the right on this one brother. If you aren't requiring her to watch it then there is nothing wrong with you watching it. Are you asking her to stop reading vampire novels? Probably not.
And dispite what previous posters are saying you are not being selfish. Tell her to get her big girl panties on and get over it.
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A
female
reader, Over..worried.  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 I agree that it's the guys choice, I know that if my boyfriend doesn't see me for like weeks he will, and yea i WILL NOT, watch it my self. But it's his choice. I just don't want to hear about it.
But ... if your watching it all the time? That's just rude ... it's like insulting. Your reason is insulting, ohh well you wont do that but the girl on the porn vid will! Like wow, if you told her that of course she is going to be upset.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Dude, forget what the rest of these women have said here (they don't understand what it's like being a guy mostly because they don't have male organs)!
For starters, it's your choice to look at porn, not hers, and it's your choice to look at whatever you desire (it's similar to watching TV....some prefer watching sitcoms, others prefer watching cop-shows).
Secondly, what a lot of women on here fail to realize is that men NEED to release what is built up - some more frequently than others. If not, the body functions differently including the brain; guys get edgy, moody, frustrated, can't think straight, etc. Now to release, we have two options: sex with a partner or masturbation. Assuming you and your girlfriend don't live together, it's difficult to arrange meetings to have sex when you really NEED to release (she could be busy, not in the mood, tired, out of town, at work etc.) Thus, most men turn to masturbation (again, not because we want to, but because we NEED to).
Now to get sexually aroused, men need visual stimulation (we can use our memory, but it's difficult to sustain arousal - thoughts move faster than the speed of light). Porn/erotic images provides that stimulation. Therefore, there should not be any issues (especially considering that you are doing it on your own time, when shes not around, and without the aid of another individual which would be cheating – and terribly wrong)!
If your girlfriend is really insecure because she feels threatened by pornstars bodies, then suggest she take some sexy photos (in lingerie, in her bra etc.) or even make a softcore video (she talks dirty, does little striptease) so that you can release to images of her and her only. At the same time, take a pic of yourself, send it to her, and that way if you break up you won't post anything online because she could do the same to you - evens the playing field.
If, however, she insists on being a control freak then reconsider your relationship - is she REALLY the one you want to be with? Think about it. And in terms of doing the stuff you want to do in bed that she's not willing to consider, then consider looking for someone who will...
A friend once told me, "If the girl you’re with doesn't fire your world, then fire her from your world".
Best of luck bro!
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (29 August 2010):
 I'm honestly just commenting to say I absolutely agree with what Miamine says.
Sounds like your girlfriend is upset with you being utterly selfish, and you're trying to justify your selfishness.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (29 August 2010):
It depends on what that certain thing is. She is less likely to want to do it when you cite porn as a reference. Porn actresses are paid to do things sometimes they don't enjoy. Sometimes the guy doesn't enjoy it either. Have you seen those guys who are so nervous they can't get up? You have to know what turns your woman on. When you make sex fun, instead of a requirement, she might warm up to the idea. When you talk to her like she isn't fulfilling your desires therefore you are seeking elsewhere, then it's doomed and you never get good results. Can you live without a blowjob? Would it break your heart if she leaves you because of this? There is no right or wrong, to each his own. Unless you are addicted to it, no one can tell you it's a bad habit. You shouldn't tell her she should be fine with it either. If you live together it's harder to find the privacy to watch it. I think you would be happier with a passionate, sexually open woman. She would be happier to be with a guy who doesn't watch porn, and who thinks kinky sex is dirty. You will find that as you grow older the women will be more relaxed and adventurous in the bedroom.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (29 August 2010):
I think your bloody selfish... your girlfriend doesn't like pornography, it humiliates her and hurts her.. why don't you spend time on making her feel good, instead of playing with yourself in front of a computer screen.
Sure you have the right to be a selfish bastard, but she also has the right to feel disgusted and hurt by what you do, and the right to dump you for someone who is more considerate of her needs...
Is porn really worth it, you've got a woman who you can have sex with, why do you prefer to stay alone with your hand on your dick?
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Does it matter whether or not she's asking or telling you to stop watching porn? The fact of the matter is that she's on the verge of being emotionally wounded like so many other women because of this.
Have you in fact, asked her if she is willing to do some of those things you want to try? Why are you so determined on doing that/those specific thing(s)? Are those things the only things that turn you on or do you just want to experiment? Talk to her about it. Don't just turn to porn because she says no without talking.
Pornography isn't natural, you have to be very careful not to get addicted to it. For your sake and for hers.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): u need to be up front with ur partner concerning porn! Sit down with her n watch one together if it doesnt do anything for her then say i would like to try certain things with u but if ur unwilling then i want to watch it for my own personal satisfaction! Unless u are a cronic porn viewer/user then yes ur partner is being unreasonable, perhaps its time to review ur relationship as a whole! Sex isnt everything but it accounts for alot! As the saying goes; sex is like pringles, once u pop u can't stop! This is obviously something u've been doing for a while so either make some sort of compromise or find someone who is willigng to do so!
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A
female
reader, kristie2021 +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Well you do want you want, maybe she feels insecure when you watch things like that. I'm mean most of the girls in porn are gorgeous and skinny... and that might make her feel bad in her own body, and she might now want to "down" herself by repeating what those girls are doing. If you watch porn, most of them are taking it pretty hard and enjoying every min. of it.
It might hurt her and make her feel like she is degrading herself if she was to repeat what they do.
You gots to think of it from her point of you, not just hers. She just feels differently, thats all.
Try asking her and see what she says.
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