A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was told by the army 4 weeks ago that my husband was killed in Iraq.I became depressed, and started over-eating, and constantly crying, wishing he'd come back.However, I was sickened to find out the whole thing was a hoax about a week ago. I also found out that it was a hoax orchestrated by my husband and two of his buddies. A third-party told me this, and they said their sources were credible.I want to divorce him, and feel he's sickened me, and probably the Army as well.How do I cope with this knowing that my husband orchestrated it all along?please help, Janet
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Janet, I'm sorry but you did say "The Army told me that the call was made from their base and it was "extremely vile""
So you implied that it was a phone call from Iraq, where about in Iraq is he based? And what unit is he with?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): This is not a hoax.People can call at houses.A third-party said it was a hoax.Janet
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (11 March 2009):
I'm sorry please ignore my original post I actually think I have got the wrong end of the sick here. But your story doesn't add up, and I think this post is a hoax too.
If this is real you have seen my answer and I'm sorry for doubting you, but if you are for what ever reason making this up, well you are as bad as the imaginary soldier!
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A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 I'm sorry, but I am having trouble following this...
AT one point, you stated "the entire call was a hoax." and that the "The Army told me that the call was made from their base and it was "extremely vile".
BUT THEN, you state, "two men in suits came to inform of the news, "
and you claim that "the third-party CALLED me to let me know that it was a hoax."
I'm slightly confused to why the Army would say the call(the 3rd party telling you it was a hoax as you claim) originated from their base and that it was extremely vile unless 3rd party call was the hoax call. I'm having problems following you story because you start out saying that the notice that your husband was dead was a call that originated from the base to it being 2 people showing up at your door.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): ArmyMedic:
two men in suits came to inform of the news, the third-party CALLED me to let me know that it was a hoax.
Hope this clarifies it.
Janet
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Is there any way you can "prank" him back with a "Dear John" letter? Saying you found a new man, since he's dead and all, and that's where you'll be if he wants to contact you? And then you go to your mother's house.
Ok, that might be going tit for tat, so to speak, but on the other hand, he may realize that some jokes are just not funny AT ALL.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (10 March 2009):
Hold on you said the CALL came from his base in Iraq, and now you are saying two guys in suits turned up, can you clarify exactly what happened as I'm confused?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009):
DON'T BELIEVE you!
via con dios!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Hi
If i were you i would treat him as still dead and never look back, but i am not you. It is not funny to pull a stunt like that, and above all it is a lack of respect for the men who have really lost their lives in war. Did he even stop to think about who you would have to tell? family and freinds...wonder how they felt too? I am all for a sense of humour but this just aint funny ...his freinds leave a lot to be desired too.
via con dios.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Wow, sounds like you have found yurself in a bit of a situation here. Okay if he is alive and well, you need to have a serious talk with him, his 'joke' was not funny nor acceptable and he needs to know this. If he is capable of lying about something as serious as death who knows what else he is able to lie about. Everyone who has answered your question below are totally right. He has done something totally wrong, and he needs to know this... Whatever you decide to do, i hope everything works out okay, you deserve a lot, and definately what he has done to you... don't worry love it will get better xox
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A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (10 March 2009):
 I can't honestly believe that any loving husband would put his wife and family through such pain!
I would be totally relieved but absolutely furious if i had found out it was no more than a prank and the fact that you have had no contact of any sort from him since is unbelievable he just seems to have no remorse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): It was NOT a prank phone call. Two men in suits came up to my door and told me this.
I still feel sick and disgusted.
ArmyMedic, go to the press about this - I'm so upset right now I've began over-eating and feeling bilious.
Janet
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 March 2009):
You need to go to your welfare officer and talk to him.
Your husband might have thought you may not take it seriously because it was over the phone. The army will always tell you this kind of thing in person and not over the phone.
He may also have thought you would twig it as Iraq is so quiet now... although I hear the odd mortar still gets in to the COB.
I'm an army wife and it's the dreaded knock on the door that I fear when my husband is away.
However, unless your hubbie has an IQ of about 15, I really don't see how he thought this would be in any way funny. You could have called his parents and everyone else and told them too.
There is no end to the amount of pain this could have caused.
I think I agree this is not the kind of "joke" I could forgive him for. It's hell on earth being an army wife and living in fear.
If I were in your position I think I'd not contact him again, not take his calls and let him come home to find an empty quarter with all his furniture / tv / xbox's sold on and you gone with no forwarding address.
Let him find out how it feels to actually lose someone.
What a twat.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (10 March 2009):
As a Serving soldier myself his behaviour is absolutely despicable! I agree with Star. But also, write to his commanding officer (basically replace your hubbies Number Rank Name on the address that you send him blueys to and write "Commanding officer") Tell the CO exactly what happened , also if you really want to get your own back write to the Mirror and the Daily mail about this.
Your husband will have a black sense of humour but the rest of us keep it between colleagues. This man should not be in the British Army, he is a disgrace to the service and if I was his boss, he would be spending time in Colchester for this (You don't know how angry I am with him)
There is no excuse for this at all, do divorce him take everything, this boy is low life scum! Speak to the padre and the rear party welfare officer, but I strongly urge you to go to the press with this as that will have more of an effect on him, his regiment and the Army as a whole, because discpline will stop at the CO, but if it hits a national paper, they have to take it to the top!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 March 2009):
 My husband just got home from his 3rd deployment. It is not an easy job for sure but making you believe he had died is just sick. WHY would he do that? Have you asked him that?
Call the Rear D and get the acting Chaplain's number and talk to him.
I do know that the guys while they are deployed have a sense of "gallows humor". Mine and his buddies used to bet on how close to certain building missiles would land and the actually go out and measure it....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): I haven't seen or heard from my husband since I was informed that he "died", but the Army has confirmed he is definitely alive and well, and that the entire call was a hoax.
They are now starting disciplinary procedures
Janet
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Ok wait... Have you seen or heard from your husband since you were informed of his death?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): I would take him to meet soldiers' widows - except he is a serving soldier in the Army, and in Iraq right now.
The Army told me that the call was made from their base and it was "extremely vile".
It was him and his buddies in his army base that did it.
I still can't cope - my mum nearly had a heart attack when she heard this news.
Janet
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Janet,
For him they live with death and sometimes forget the rest of us aren't so black in our humour, which they use to get through.
you take him along to meet the widows of soldiers that have died and show him why its not funny.
Star.x.
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