A
male
age
36-40,
*an123
writes:I started going out with my girlfriend at the start of this year, and just recently broke up with her about 3 weeks ago. We were good friends before we started going out, maybe for about 5 years, and we all share the same group of friends. I was very happy to start a relationship with her, as we both said that we had liked each other for a long time, but nothing ever came of it, until recently.She is 18 and I am 21, and I am in the Navy, so that means a lot of travelling and spending time away from home. When we first got together, she said she didn't mind me being away, as I would come back on weekends, and leave periods etc. All was well for the first couple of months, we would spend a lot of time together, have sex regulaly, and just generally have a good time.I had to go on ship for 6 weeks, and it absolutely killed me being away from her, as we had only been going out for a month. I asked my best mate to take care of her whilst I was away, and I would phone and text as much as I could. Nearing the end of the trip, I could sense that she didn't seem as interested as she was, but just didn't think too much of it.On my first day back, I asked to meet her, but she said she had planned to go to my mate's house, and we would meet up later. This didn't make me feel too good to be honest, but nevertheless just didn't think much of it. This basically carried on for the next few weeks. She would seem more interested in hanging out with other people, and it was starting to really bug meWe did not have sex since I came back from that trip, so I was getting quite suspicious. I asked her about it, and she just said that she had been tired due to working a lot. I tried speaking to her about the situation, but she just said she was happy with the way things were. She doesn't show her emotions by the way.We basically broke up because I accused her of cheating. She said that we didn't have sex because I was pressuring her all the time, and didn't think that I trusted her. She exploded all these issues onto me, which I didn't have a clue about, as she never told me before. Plus, I had asked her before if she was cheating, and she never looked me in the face, getting me even more suspicious. I can see it's a vicious circle, as her thinking that I don't trust her will make her more withdrawn, making me even more suspicious, but she didn't seem to understand this when I said.Anyway, the current situation is we aren't really on talking terms, but I really would like to be. I do still have feelings for her, and it does kill me when I see her out and about. I've text her a few times asking if she wants to sort stuff out, and make things less awkward when we are out. She has just said she would like to sort stuff, but whenever I suggest to meet up, she doesnt bother replying. Should I just leave it? It's very hard because we were very good friends before all this, and now it just seems there is a lot of hostility between us.any help would be appreciated.
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male
reader, dan123 +, writes (10 August 2007):
dan123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah i suppose sex was quite an issue to me, but its the fact that we went from having sex regulaly, too not having it at all when i came off that trip. It really was starting to make me wonder, as she wouldn't seem interested in spending time with me at the weekends, after me being away all week. Plus i tried talking to her about it, but she just said she was tired all the time. I would of much rather she told me the truth, because i was very willing to make the relationship work.She also said that she thought all i wanted was sex, which was very much not the case at all. I loved spending time with her, but she just didnt seem to see this. I suppose another thing was she has cheated on boyfriends before in the past, and some of my best mates were telling me to be cautious, so that wasn't really doing good for my confidence. I don't know, maybe i was being to insecure or clingy. But its just the fact that i was away all week, it was always me phoning her, and when i would come back for weekends, i'd expect her to want to see me, which always didnt seem like the case. Yeah, i think it is best to just leave it for a bit, i've made it clear that i'm willing to try and sort stuff out, and now its up to her. Argh it is painful though. I would rather lose a leg than go through heart ache again.cheers
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