A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for three-years. Although about three-months ago, she had to move to Salt Lake City for her family (her mom is sick and she needed to be there for her). I was fine with it, even though I live in Portland meaning it's a pretty big gap.This weekend was supposed to be the first time we had seen each other in months. Sunday is our anniversary and the plan was for me to make a special drive down tomorrow, and then we would spend the weekend in a nice hotel.But I'm sick. I've come down with tonsilitis and have been bedridden for the last couple of days. My girlfriend has been so excited, but I had to call her up and tell her the news today that I can't make it down.She took it even worse than I thought. She is devastated, she went off at me and told me I should have been more careful, and she told me a good boyfriend would make the trip regardless of how sick he was since it's our anniversary. I apologized so much and promised that I would make it up to her. She told me that unless she sees me on Sunday, then she is going to have to seriously rethink our relationship.I know she was excited because I had been dropping hints that I would propose this weekend, which is something she has been more or less driving for since we got together. And I feel horrible that I have let her down this weekend.But at the same time, I don't know what to feel, I don't want her to end things with me just because I can't make it there. The doctor has told me I should be in bed on medication until at least monday or tuesday, and he strongly advised against making a trip. But I feel trapped. We've had trouble lately (been fighting more and more) and she has been under a lot of stress because of the distance and her mom etc.I'm not sure what to do. Should I just bite the bullet and go, or should I take a stand. I feel she has a right to be upset, but I don't think she has a right to take it out on me. It's not my fault.
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female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (14 October 2011):
 It sounds like she really misses you and was super excited to see you. After three months, you two finally have the opportunity to reconnect. She was looking forward to it and from the sound of it, you both need it. In a woman's mind, nothing would get in the way of her seeing a loved one, especially one she rarely gets to see. Honestly it's up to you and how you feel. If you think you are able to function as a person then take all the precautions you need (scarf/hat/Kleenex/etc.) to go see her. But I should also mention I have no idea what tonsillitis is like. I understand there is an age barrier for when Doctors prefer to have them removed and you are past that.Anyway, Good Luck and get well!
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Hi,I am sorry you are sick in the wrong time... I understand your girlfriend, She was so excited to see you after so long, and she's sad, disappointed, heartbroken, specially because it's the anniversary day. She's being a little selfish, but it's normal because all women are this way. We make drama out of everything, and sensible issues like, birthday, anniversay, etc it's a huge deal... I know, we are exhausting human beings...Now in serious matter, "so very confused" mentioned she had same problem, end up having surgery, horrible long recovery? Also, doctor strongly recommended bed rest until mon-tue? Please, this is serious, can affect you in long term if you don't take care, so listen to your doctor. Next thing, you need talk to your girlfriend again!!!!! Explain that this is serious, and you need to take care now. Again, apologize as many times you have to, explain you will go visit next weekend. Tell her you understand how she feels, and that you are deeply sorry. Tell her that it's not your fault you got sick. Explain the disease, what it is, explain the consequences if not taking serious, etc... She probably doesn't know.. Like I didn't know... I sympathize with you, how you feel, and I agree with you, that your girlfriend should be more supportive, instead of getting angry. But, put yourself in her shoes, she loves you, misses you, was so excited, and looking forward to see you, spend a wonderful weekend, etc... She's disappointed, and hurt. Like you said, she's stress taking care of her mom, and on top of that she just misses you so muchMeanwhile, send her some flowers, write her a beautiful love email. She just need your attention, your support, feel you care, and love her. I know, in your condition? But, that's what she needs...Get well soon, hope you have a successful, fast recovery.... Hope things work out with your girlfriend. Hope her mom gets well soon... Hope you can make the trip soon, and have a lovely time with your girlfriend...Good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 October 2011):
 OH goodness I can see both sides. As the girlfriend I'd be mad and angry and devestated too. As the sick boyfriend I'd feel guilty and angry at myself for being sick and at her for not being understanding...she is under a lot of stressyou guys are apart (and that sucks I know)and fights happenWhile it's not your fault who should she vent to?Stand your ground and say "I'm doing this so that while we suffer in the short term, we benefit in the long run" after all if you don't heal the tonsils could become chronically infected (as mine did at 30) and have to be removed.... that's a longer recovery as an adult... and horrid...
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A
female
reader, tb0721 +, writes (14 October 2011):
 If you are that sick and on medication what would be the benefit of going down there just to make the little time you have together miserable. I say stay home get rest and Im sure when she calms down she will understand it is what was best. Us girls get emotional and overreact especially when looking forward to something so big but when the initial disappointment wears off hopefully she will come around and apologize. Shes also going through alot with her mom so the time together Im sure is needed so makes it that much harder for her. Just try to make plans to go see her as soon as you can after getting over the sickness, or she will get frustrated more because of the anxiety of waiting. Good luck on the proposal!
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A
female
reader, Battista  +, writes (14 October 2011):
If it's only a weekend isn't there any way she could come down to you for a couple of days, or is she needed up there all the time.
I think you should stay in bed and recuperate. She probably said these things in the heat of the moment, but I would doubt that she means them. Don't think you are a bad bf by not driving all that way when you are under doctor's orders to stay in bed.
Being a good partner doesn't mean making a martyr of yourself or making yourself ill.
Still to your guns and get well. She's an adult, and should think a bit more rationally when she's calmed down. If she is seriously threatening to rethink the relationship based on this then perhaps you might to rethink your proposal as
well.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (14 October 2011):
Technically she has a right to take it out on you because you are her bf after all. But try to not let it break you because you are the man and you have to suck it up.
I'm think she would be mad at you for coming down there sick because then she would think u only came there just because she wanted you to and not because you wanted to.
Stay in bed and get better then try to make it up after. These things happen and yes the stress will get to both of you. I don't know the out come of things but hang in there and hope that it will work out. Make a sacrifice after you get better to see her and spend some time with her (when she is free).
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (14 October 2011):
She's probably really disappointed and I do think she responded wrongly towards you. I mean, I've had tonsilitis before and that knocks you on your behind!
My guess is she's also letting insecurities also get the best of her and might also be worried that you aren't coming because you don't want to. Long distance relationships are hard.
Have you tried rescheduling it and coming the following weekend instead? Just because you can't come the weekend you were supposed to doesn't necessarily mean that you can't come at all, right?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): She's just upset and disappointed. That's why she's mad. She isn't mad at you just the situation. Don't drive down there you're too sick. Instead maybe webcam with her for that day and make plans to try to visit once you're better. Tell her you're sorry but you're too sick and you love her, etc. She should understand.
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