A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is my first time posting so I'm a little nervous but hopefully I can still explain this properly.Around valentines day weekend my crush suddenly stopped talking to me. For a couple of weeks previous to that his previously long messages had suddenly become short and he only sent them at night, whereas before they were regularly throughout the day. Admittedly I did go on abit at the time asking if he was ok, etc etc. He ignored my messages and everything for just over a week (which really upset me as we spoke everyday without fail before that) and when he did message me he said that he didn't think I'd notice he'd stopped chatting and that it all 'got a bit too much' for him and he liked 'minimum fuss'. I replied just agreeing with him and I thought/hoped that would be the end of it and we could start chatting again, unfortunately though he ignored me for 4/5 days again and when he did reply he said this " you need to calm down on your messages n gettin so stressy when u don't need to! Just chill". He has spoken to me very briefly since that message (on Saturday), but he appears to have added this (beautiful :/) girl on facebook since we stopped talking and I think they've been chatting a lot.I don't know, I'm still upset about him ignoring me for that long but I acknowledge I was mostly to blame. I'm upset he's potentionally 'moved on' to this next girl. I really do miss having proper chats with him (it was only a month ago he was talking like this' "Ha nah I won't be lonely dear! Well I hope! That lovely girl remember ;):p"). Our messages now are really blunt/short :( He was on facebook loads during the period we weren't talking (he hardly went on it before then) and he never spoke to me, he's been on it loads this weekend but hasn't sent me a bbm back. He sent me a bbm around 10 this eve and was still on facebook at 1am but never replied. I don't know what to do. Am I thinking too much into this? Is any possibility of something happening 'over'? Should I stop talking to him and move on (as hard as that would be)? Or do I need to stop being so dependable and act a bit hard to get instead? Someone help lol :(
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Ok, I admit that I may be prejudiced because I have this idea that every personal message must be replied within 3 days and people who fail to do that a) will burn in Hell forever and ever and b) show a rudeness that's equivalent to hostility. So, my reaction would be to cancel him from my address book.
I admit though that in times of Facebook , social networks and massive texting my position is probably too rigid.
Anyway the problem here is that your communication means different things to you and him. For you he is a crush, his messages trigger strong emotions, make you dream and fantasize, sort of fill your day. For him, being in contact with you it's sort of a hobby or passtime, with no major emotional involvement, he may be talking to dozen of other girls for all you know, and anyway he does not want to feel obliged to stay in touch with you often and consistently, - he wants to just follow the mood and he clearly shows that when you insist for mantaining a set level of communication he feels you are crossing boundaries and he has to put you back in your place.
Your "talking " has a different weight to you and to him.
So, should you keep this " friendship " ? Probably not, unless you can keep it as random and casual as he wants without feeling hurt or jealous or neglected. Of course if you disappear from chats and FB for a while , this will probably pique his curiosity and push him to try and "get you back". But do you really want to play these foolish, tiring games ?...
All in all, you'd be better off letting this one go and focus your attention on other guys who can reciprocate your interest .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): I think he's not interested in you anymore hence the cold shoulder treatment. It's probably better if you move on and forget about this guy. He sounds pretty much of a jerk. If he's genuinely interested he wouldn't give you the cold shoulder. All the best :)
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