A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My wife of many years has a drink problem that has seriously damaged our lives in many ways and caused our only child aged 19 to leave home. I also left and have now fallen for a widowed old friend, we make each other very happy. Divorce is on the cards for me, but I have a big problem with guilt - leaving behind a vulnerable person sure to have big difficulties being without my support. What should I do?.
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female
reader, flower girl +, writes (2 July 2007):
 You have obviously been there for her and supported her for long enough judging by what you have said, so try not to feel guilty you have no reason to.
Sometimes it takes something like this for people to take stock of their lives and actually do something about it.
Live for you now.
Take care.xx.
A
male
reader, Playgroundcops  +, writes (2 July 2007):
I'm assuming that you have atleast 19 years of history. That's a lot. Personally, I like it better when people ask for advise BEFORE there's an out that involves another relationship.
I think it would be unfair of us to opine with as little detail as has been provided.
Do you love your wife? Has there been some tramatic event that drove her to drink. Do you WANT to stay with your wife? Have tou suggested a therapist? Has she always been this way? Have tou spoken with your adult child about this? And this is only the beginning of the questions that need to be answered honestly.
BUT... it sounds like you've already deciced, you just want us to clear your conscience.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): You wouldn't be human, if you didn't feel guilt. In decisions such as this, you can never make everyone happy. You can only do the best you can and you need to have strength knowing that you did do the best you could and made the best decisions from those available to you.
You never know, your departure might be a trigger for your wife to leave the alcohol behind for good and want a better life for herself. People when they hit rock bottom tend to be much more highly motivated to change their lives. Loosing your support might ultimately be the best thing for her, as unlikely as that might seem to you.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (2 July 2007):
 Are you the one who made her start driking?
If you didnt then she did it herself and therefore you have no reason to feel guilty for moving on in your life and making yourself happy.
Her drinking has split your family causing your child to leave and you also. She done the damage herself and this gives you no reason to feel guilty.
Move past her destuctive past which destroyed your life, be with the one who makes you happy and continue with your life.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 July 2007):
 Have you discussed your unhappiness with your wife? Have you done all you can to save this marriage? If so then you should feel no guilt. It may even be the catalyst that causes your wife to clean up her act. Everyone deserves some happiness. You can't be held responsible for another's weaknesses.
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