A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help. I just found out my fiancee cheated on me a little while ago. I don't know if I should marry her or not. I'm real pissed off and upset, but I love her, but this is not acceptable.I'm a believer in that 2 people who are in love and dating steady, or engaged, or married, should make each other the most important person in their life, but should still live a life also. Meaning, We spend most nights after work together, and weekends, but at least 1 or 2 nights per month we do stuff with friends outside of each other. I thought that was healthy for a relationship.There is this local church that hosts dances once a month. They are very strict about no alchohol, or smoking, or drugs. And you must show ID and be 16 and under 21 (unless you are with a date, then I think the max age is 23). It's supposed to be a fun, drug/drink free kind of night out for teenagers (I'm 19, my fiancee is also 19). A few months ago, I had plans with some of my guy friends to go out and shoot pool, my fiancee was going to this dance with some of her girlfriends. I said no problem, call me when you get home to say good night (we didn't live together at that time, we do now after we got engaged).A good friend of mine happened to be at that dance that night and told me that my fiancee went out to the parking lot with a guy and they smoked cigs in his car. I asked my gf, and she said yep, they can't smoke at the dance, so they just went out for a smoke and it was raining so they sat in his car. No big deal, I think it was a little inappropriate sitting in his car, but like I said, no big deal.Well, my good friend about 2 weeks ago asked me why I got engaged, and was I really getting married next spring. I asked him why, and he said, I don't know if I could forgive my gf and still marry her after that. I pushed a little, and he said that he didn't really want to go into details, but he said my fiancee and this guy were in his car for at least 15 mins, and my gf's head was down in his lap. He said you couldn't exactly see what was happening since him and his gf were accross the parking lot, but it was obvious she (my fiancee) spent a lot of time down in his lap, you think about what was happening he said.Pissed off, I confronted my fiancee, and after some crying she admitted that she danced with this guy and he kept rubbing up against her in slow dances, and she could feel that he was very large. And she was just mostly curious. She admitted to giving him a blow-job in his car, but insists that she was only curious and wanted to see his penis, that he 'forced' her to go down on him.I don't know if I can marry this woman. I feel betrayed, and don't believe for one minute he forced her to do that. She could have ran from the car back inside. And even if he did force her, what's up with her wanting to see his penis 'because he was very large'? That isn't the way a fiancee should behave.Can we work through this, or should I ditch this engagement? Will I ever forget this? forgive this? Trust her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): Why even post this- you know the answer. You CANNOT TRUST WHAT COMES OUT OF HER MOUTH. IF your friend did not tell you this one would still act all innocent and want to hook up with big c*ck man again. Well her curiosity killed the cat. or is it cat caught her tongue (but love this one, tongue caught a c*ck) This one is not the faithful one man girl , she wants to get around and please stop wasting your time with her. You are 19, leave her and go catch a merry jol and enjoy your freedom. Don’t even consider having abuthing to do with her. She is a lying cheating little missy who will only break your heart as her itch starts. Do not marry this girl, she is not worth it. also break of the engagement now and well then she is free to run around and feel up other big c*cked men in the church parties. Some women don’t really need a reason and this one sure didn’t. You have a cheater in your life and time to kick her to the curb.
do not waste a moment longer with this curious one.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 November 2009):
 She just isn't ready to settle down with one guy. She is only 19 and as far as I'm concerned that's way too young to get married, for most people anyway. Ditch the engagement, as you say, but you guys can still date each other. Maybe you both should play the field for awhile and see what's out there.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (5 November 2009):
 On the serious side...DUDE! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??
On the lighter side...go ahead and marry her. Its only your kids and your house and your dignity at risk. Lots of men recover from having theyre hearts ripped out and stomped on while they lay in the fetal position quivering and wishing they had never done it while she drives off with the pool boy in your brand new car.
Its up to you...
Ohh you might also contract a disease from her...add that to the list as well.
Choose wisely!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): I dont believe she was forced, I think she is trying to get sympathy from you.You really need to take your time and really think about what it is you want from life. If you feel you can forgive and forget then do it. Postpone the marridge for a few years though.If you ask what I would do then I have to be honest. I would end it. I feel people who do this are selfish and I dont put up with selfish peoples nonsense.But thats me, not you. Have a break from her and really thin about it ok.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): At 19, she clearly is not ready for marriage. Even if you decide to move past this and work on rebuilding the trust in your relationship, I suggest you put getting marriage on the back burner for a few years. Believe it or not, the person you are now is not the person you will be 10 years from now. You are going to experience so much and grow as an individual. Give yourself--and your fiancee--a chance to grow up before you make a life-long commitment to one another.
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A
female
reader, blueyedgirl +, writes (5 November 2009):
 If she will cheat on you while you are dating, it is very likely that she will cheat after you are married.
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A
female
reader, vanity +, writes (5 November 2009):
WOW... I am sorry to hear of your unfortunate situation. There is no easy answer when it comes to matters of the heart. The only thing I can say is that she was curious about someone else's apparatus because she still has not sowed her oats. There is nothing wrong with this situation except you guys are in a committed relationship hence engaged. So, there is a BIG PROBLEM. You are going into a marriage we trust issues that you are having a hard time to deal with right now or else you would not be writing this letter. I think you need to do some soul searching within yourself. You need to figure out what you want and what will be best for you. Don't let your friends influence the situation. You already know the answer you just want justification. My advice: I believe you two should spend some time apart. If you get back together it was meant to be. If not I know you are a wonderful person and you need someone to treat you the same way you will treat him or her.
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A
male
reader, metalsman  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 I can't believe you're giving her the benefit of trying to work through this..i'd agree with Frank Kermit...Get Rid and quick..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): I think that it pays to look at the facts here. On one of the occasional nights you spend apart your fiancee goes to a drink free dance at a church, dances with someone she doesn't who she thinks has a large penis. She then goes into his car out of curicosity about this large penis and ends up giving him a blow job. She claims he forced her. She is a dance where your friends are present and I presume she would know that. It is understandable that she lied when you first asked her about it, lets be right she isn't going to admit it straight off is she?But the question is the future. I am sure the two of you have discussed at some length now and there will be lots details that are not in your post. It may be that you can get married and live the rest of your life with a woman who having made this one mistake has learnt her lesson and will never do anything unfaithful again. That would be a good outcome but equally she might behave in a different way.The question you need to ask yourself is ' what will I be thinking about everytime she goes out to a dance, drink with friends, movie, .....' will it be ' I hope she has a good time tonight' or will it be ' I wonder if she curious about the size, weight, girth, bulge, pubic hair colour,...... of someone she has met tonight'?There are two sides you need consider, one is what will her future behaviour be like and regardless of that will you ever be able to get over her behaviour on this occasion. Beaing in mind she didn't even have the decency to be discrete about her behaviour on this ocassion and gave little thought to what would be said about her and you I can only think she will get better at hiding things in future and you will never know what her behaviour is going to be. I think you are lucky to have a friend that let you know. Most of the time this wouldn't happen.I know what i would do and that would be get out but that is more to do with way of dealing a breach of trust than what i think she would do in future. I could not trust someone who did that to me and showed me such a lack of respect. You may be different but my advice would be to consider those two questions and work it out with her.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 Unless you are interested in making your relationship an open one, then do NOT marry this girl. You are a fool if you do. Obviously she does not have the same values as you do, and THAT is the reason it will not work out in the long term. It is not he blow job, but what that action represents.
The two Frank rules of monogamous relationships:
1-You have sex with only one person
2-You don't do anything that would threaten rule #1
Going out with friends is one thing (depending where you go), but going to a dance where people are encouraged to dance with the opposite gender without any primary partners present there is breaking rule #2.
If you are going to be engaged and monogamous, then you must BOTH act like it.
I hope you find someone better suited to you.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
male
reader, RosesAreRed86 +, writes (4 November 2009):
While I read your entire post, I didn't need to go any further than the first sentence. You should not marry any woman who doesn't respect you enough not to cheat on you. That is the ultimate breach of trust and she will probably do it again. Seriously, DON'T MARRY HER!!!!
Oh, and don't believe for a second this nonsense she's feeding you that he "forced" her to go down on him. That is hogwash, and if it actually was true, he should be reported to the police for rape.
Also, if she is that "curious" to see other men's penises, do you really think she's going to stop once you're married. Was one more enough to satisfy her interest? Probably not. Leave this slag and find yourself a decent women who respects you and herself.
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