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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Should I stay or should I go? And if I go, how can I cope with the pain and find new love, good love?I've been with this man for almost 2 years. He's been amazing most of the time. Except lately.Long story short, we have issues, I've written before, he can't deal with my virginal past (the most I did was give oral sex to a friend with benefits 2 years before I met my bf, once). And thinks I'm not to trust because I was easy, according to him. Plus, I lied about the past, because I knew it would only bring problems and that's exactly what happened. He started judging me and honestly, why talk about the past? I never cared about his, although he told me of it, ok, his was kinda clean as all of the girls he was with were either girlfriends or close to him prior to hooking up (me on the other hand I made out with a couple of strangers). And a few of them cheated. He also has issues because his father abused him and abandoned him as a child.Well, now, for the first six months the relationship was awesome! He treted me like a real princess, he was a true knight in shining armor! We share so much in common. And after the lying about the past issue arose, most of the time the relationship went pretty well. We still have a very good time when we hang out. But, during the relationship, aside from his judging me on the past, I've also lost some friends and stopped going out (to avoid jealousy issues, as he thinks I could cheat). Lately all the pressure to "change" has been on me. He wants me to be honest, he wants me to not get angry if he says something mean about my past, he wants me to not say anything if he's upset, etc. And he gets to do what he wants. Sometimes I feel neglected. Last week he broke up with me over all of this, because he said it was too much. But on Thursday, he begged me to come back. At first I said no, but he insisted and I thought I'd try again. He was very nice and loving that day, aswell as on Friday. But then on Saturday he wasn't so nice. So I called him and asked me to leave him alone. He told me we'd talk later. Next week or something. And I asked him if he truly loves me. He said "I'm not sure. Maybe I do, or maybe I just still have some feelings for you, but not love. I don't know". He said this is what I got for lying repeatedly, because when I "behaved well" (i.e didn't lie) he didn't treat me like this. I don't know whether he's right and I'm wrong, if I don't deserve him or he doesn't deserve me, etc.What should I do? I'm sorry this was long, but I really need help as I'm here, heartbroken while he's... I don't know, angry? I don't know if when he says I've hurt him is because he loves me or because I've hurt his ego or something. What can I do? I'll never find someone who has that much in common with me, and who on tops of that is handsome and treats me right! That would be too good to be true, and honestly, he's been the first man to ever show interest in me. I've never had luck in love, and seems like this wasn't my lucky one either. He has talked about marriage, even lately, but I guess he doesn't really love me. How do I handle all of this? Break up and handle the pain I don't know how (and how to cope when he comes back, he always comes back eventually), or not break up and wait it gets better?I know I shouldn't have lied, but I feel the way he's treating me is a bit too much even for what I did... there are guys (even friends of his) who have forgiven cheating girlfriends and they're happy and treat them with love and respect. I'm so confused!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (22 June 2008):
 Darling, what ever happens in anybodys past cannot be changed. Your boyfriend is controlling and manipulative, you should find someone who is not bothered about your past. Move on from this silly little boy, who has the brain capacity of an ant. (Sorry ants I did not mean to insult you) Lol!
A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (22 June 2008):
 Honestly he sounds a bit manipulative.
I think he is being way over the top over things you have done in the past long before you two ever met.
So what does he think you are supposed to do about the past? It can't be changed. He has a past too. Somehow he manages to make his sins ok though. I am sure he has lied about things too.
I think he is being immature and a bully about this and it is time to set your foot down about it.
Tell him to grow up and get over it and if he has a problem with it then go find someone else because you aren't putting up with it anymore.
I had to do this with a boyfriend who kept throwing something I couldn't change up in my face every time we'd have an argument. I said what I said above and told him either deal with it or not because I didn't ever want to hear another word about it again.
He never brought it up again.
Sometimes I think a man will try to test you and bully you in ways like that if you allow it. If you stand up to them and show you won't tolerate it, it usually stops.
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A
male
reader, dazednconfsed  +, writes (22 June 2008):
The fact that hes a jealous person is one of the reasons why he has a hard time dealing with your past. He wants to you be the only girl for him, but now that he knows about your past he has doubts. I was in the same situation and my x had a pretty wild past as well, it was hard to deal with it and no matter how hard i tried not to think about it; i couldn't. I know no matter how much u assure him that that was your past and nothing like that will ever happen again he'll still be acting distant. Really its an issue of trust and insecurity. He doesn't know if he can trust you and he's insecure if the relationhip will last in the long haul. If you guys both love each other; the best thing to do is sit down and talk about this. if he's not willing to do that yet, then maybe its best to just take some time apart and see how you feel about each other then. Only then will you know the you guys really feel about each other. good luck..
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A
male
reader, MaddFamous911 +, writes (22 June 2008):
 Well I Know I Am Only 13 Years Old. But I Think i Can Help You. I Feel That This Guy Should Maybe Just Let Go Of The Past. Because It Is Now Out Of Both Of Your Control! And No Matter How Hard You Two Try Nothing Is Going To Change The Past! So I Think That You Should Have A Nice Long Talk With Him About Things! And Its Okay If It Was Long I Care. And I Want To Help You! So One Day Just Sit Down And Talk To Him About How He Use To Treat You. And How He Treats You Now. And How You Love Him [If You Do] And How Everything Changed Ever Sense You Two Came Clean About Things! And Most Of All About How The Past Is The Past. and You Feel Bad About It [if You Do] and if You Do Tell Him That You Would Do Anything To take It Back [if You Want To] and Finaly About How You Cant Change The Past. No matter How Hard You Two Try! So If You Want Tell Me How That Works Out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): (OP HERE!!)
BTW, when he's not upset, he says he loves me and calls me pet names, etc. But when he's upset he says he isn't sure he loves me. Just yesterday he was calling me pet names and telling me he lvoes me... he's so hard to read.
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