A
female
age
30-35,
*idsummer
writes:I've been dating for 3 months a guy that i know is leaving in a year. He is military and he is only temporarily stationed here. I love spending time with him and we get along great. But he has told me time and time again that he doesn't believe in long distance. So in other words when he leaves, it'll be the end of us. It hurts me to know that within the year he would even consider the thought, and it also hurts to realize that the words " i love you" or " i will be with you forever", will never come out of his mouth during the time he is here.I don't know exactly what to do, because like I said I love his company but I feel like getting hurt will be inevitable at the end. And trying not to fall in love is hard when you get along with someone so well and share intimate and loving moments together.Please help :((
View related questions:
I love you, long distance, military Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 December 2013):
 I wouldn't continue to date him! He wants you as a sex buddy while he's there and that's it. You relieve his horniness, and that's your place in his life. My father met my mom while he was on leave as a soldier, and they had their relationship through his two tours in the Vietnam war, and then they married and stayed married for 44 years until he died this past summer.
Do not ever think of settling for being used, because being a soldier doesn't entitle someone to get out of proper treatment of women, stationed or not. He was upfront with you, so I'll give him that. But if you're falling for him and have feelings, you need to run away from him and NOW or you're going to get devastated when he drops you.
It's best to cut your losses, stop dating him, detox him from your heart and move on to someone who will be there on a more permanent footing.
And SVC is correct - DO NOT SLEEP with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2013): It is human nature to want most what we can't have. Clinging to what is slipping through our fingers, often makes us hold on in desperation.
You're setting yourself up emotionally. Your mindset was to attach as quickly as possible and to ignore the approaching expiration date of your involvement. I can't call it a relationship; because it is only dating when there is an inevitable and expected ending-date.
If there is ever a point in a relationship you "friend-zone" a person. This is the perfect situation. I don't expect you to do that. I expect you to be in tears and suffering the grief of a breakup in months to come.
I think this is the point when you should see him less and less. That you start preparing to detach; and even begin seeing other guys. He is already "pre-programmed" to move on. He knows duty calls; and not to commit himself too deeply in protection of his own feelings.
Soldiers do leave a girl in every port, as they say.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 December 2013):
 I see the link that Tisha added and realize that you and this guy are on different pages.... you care way more than he does and in a year when he leaves he will probably walk away and never look back.
You will be crushed. Heartbroken and destroyed. You may mouth the words "I can cope" and "it will be ok" but it won't. AND the pain will be of your choosing if you stay in a relationship with this guy.
NOT because he does not do LDR... but because he does not care about you as deeply as you care about him...
IF NOTHING else... do not have sex with him... do not be physical with him at all... since you like him and have a good time together... for your peace of mind, friend zone him... his leaving in a year will hurt much less and you two can gradually fade from each others lives while pretending to be friends when it's over.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 December 2013):
 This guy? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-drove-him-to-the-airport-so-why.html Sounds like he doesn't do long distance, and he doesn't do courtesy or thoughtfulness either.
I'd let the relationship wither while he's away. If he wants to be with you, he's going to have to show better communication skills and concern for your feelings. If he can't handle that, well, aren't you better off then?
I personally wouldn't put myself in the position of being intimate with a guy who wasn't a long term prospect.
...............................
|
