A
female
age
,
*aryB
writes:I'm curious if any men out there ever wished they could get their ex back after leaving them for someone else and then a yr. or so later realized you had made a huge mistake or the one you hooked up with ended up dumping you? Were you too much of a coward or feared rejection because you had treated your ex so badly in the end that you couldn't find the courage to approach her? Did you hope and wish that somehow your ex would come to you and tell you they had forgiven you for what you had done to them and wanted you back?My ex left me over a yr. ago and soon after hooked up with someone else...although, he denies it, I'm sure she was the reason for breaking up with me. I have not spoken a word to him since the day I found out about her but, have never lost the love I felt for him. Throughout their time together he continued to drive by my house on many occasions, sent random txts. and I was told by several of his friends and family that things were not good with them and that he regretted what he had done to me. This girl ended up breaking up with him back in July but, rumor had it that they were still seeing each other on and off afterwards. This past Oct. his sister who I have remained friends with contacted me to inform me that their relationship was completely over and that she had moved out of town. At first I was confused as to why she felt the need to tell me this since we have never spoken once of my breakup. She also, told me he wished he had not been so foolish to end a 7 yr. relationship and that he really did love me. I have a feeling that she was probably hoping I would maybe try to persue him in some way. Even though I truly would love to maybe work things out with him or at least talk to him since we were together for 7 yrs. and planned on marrying, I refuse to be the one to confront him. I feel he is the one who should approach me if that is how he feels. I'm not sure at this point, if that is the feelings of his family since they to thought of me as family even though we were not married yet or how he feels. If he does feel this way about me, why has he not come forth and made an effort? Not sure what I should do at this point but, I do know if their is a chance we can work things out I don't want to risk him giving up and just moving on to someone else. I would appreciate your thoughts on this matter...should I break the ice with him or wait a little longer to see what happens? I know most will say to forget this loser who left me for someone else but, my heart will not let go!
View related questions:
moved out, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 Yep. sadly it might be time to lay it to rest but at least if you deal the final blow, knowing what you know, it will give you power and then some peace. All mourners have to move on eventually or else we would just cry forever.
Lay it down, grieve it, place it's memory in a special place and then forget...you never know whos around the corner.
xxxxxx
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 March 2012):
 OK, so your going to wait and see....
If he's driving pass the house, nothing is stopping you from opening the door and checking for the mail.
...............................
A
female
reader, MaryB +, writes (4 March 2012):
MaryB is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank all of you for your honest responses...they were all valid answers to my dilemma. I have made the decision to wait for a while longer & see what happens. If he really feels he has made a mistake & wants me back then he needs to come forth & do the work other than driving by my house to check up on me which is what he has been doing recently...isn't that rediculous to say the least. The chances are big that he will not be man enough to face me! Actions speak louder than words. Being he was a coward to begin with back when he dumped me with no explanation other than he was unhappy I hold no hope he will come forth now. Although, I still love him I'm not sure I could ever fully trust him again or completely forgive him for what he did to me, anyways. It's true that we both made mistakes in the relationship but, nothing compares to what he did in the end. Whatever problems we had could of been worked out if he loved me enough to want to make it work..I guess I need to let that thought sink in!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 February 2012):
 If you think you can forgive him and move past what he did to you and your relationship, call him. I don't think he will contact you.
Personally, I wouldn't waste my time on a man who can trhow away 8 years for a short fling, but this is about you.
Go with your gut.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 February 2012):
 Oh no. Don't call him.
He is the one who broke up, so he is the one that ,if he wants you back ,should come forward. And he KNOWS it.
So if he does not do it, it's because he can't be arsed, regardless of what his sister says or what he may have said to his sister. If he can't make the effort of making that first awkward phone call, and admitting " I made a mistake ", - but he waits for you to serve him his chance on a silver plate, it means he does not care that much about getting his chance to begin with.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 February 2012):
You want him back.
You know what he has done before and you are prepared to forgive him.
Seems as if he still wants to get back with you.
I'd get his siter to tell him to contact you if he wants another chance.
That said, go back with both eyes open and if he messes up again, forget him and move on with your life!!
All the shoulda woulda couldas will get you nowhere.
If you want to try again with him, then go for it...
Life is too short.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 February 2012):
"She also, told me he wished he had not been so foolish to end a 7 yr. relationship and that he really did love me"Men that are happy, in love with you and dying to get married, do not end a 7year relationship, go off with another girl and stay with her for a year.You sound like you want to recapture the past. You can't, you'll never forget, you'll find it hard to trust him again and you'll always feel like second best. Even if he came back, it'll never be like it was before. What if she wants him again, will he run away with her?I suggest you don't put your life on hold waiting for him to call. If he really loves you or needs you that much, he still has your number. Don't get caught up with silly dreams and fantasies which will only keep your heart hurting. Begging a cheating guy to take you back is never a good move and is soul destroying. I got an ex who doesn't know who the hell he wants. Him and his girlfriend have broken up yet again. But it's not my problem and I'm not getting involved. I can love him from afar, very far, it's much safer that way.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): "Should I contact my ex, who hurt me or wait for him to contact me?"
Wait for him to contact you. He never will because he is a coward, and hopefully in time you will come to your senses about what a lying cheating scumbag he is and how much better off you are without him.
...............................
A
male
reader, MajorDisplayerOfInternationalPlayerBehavior +, writes (13 February 2012):
 If you want to contact him then yes, do it. Life is short.
Maybe he is afraid to contact you because he knows he was wrong, or that you might not want to speak with him after all that has been done.
But, if he was aggressive enough to drive by your house and text you while with the other woman, he should be assertive enough to contact you now.
Maybe he is worried that you will have a negative response if he did contact you. Guilt feelings could also be weighing on him. Or, he could just be really busy driving by his other exes house and hasn't had a chance to contact you yet.
...............................
A
male
reader, GoodDog +, writes (13 February 2012):
 I see there being two ways you can go with this.First, forget about him completely and focus on your own life and your own future. Move on without him.The fact that he finished with you over a year ago and hasn't been in touch with you since, shows that maybe there isn't anything there anymore.Second, yes, you could break the ice and send him a message, but I would say do this only if you are prepared for a rejection. Although you've heard that he's regretting things about the past, you need to hear it from himself. Sometimes other people have good intentions, but its not always meant to be.Also, what if you do make contact and get together again, which is what I'm thinking you are hoping for, what if he decides to leave you again? You'll probably feel worse than you do now if it was to happen again with the same man.I think a lot of us can look back and think about the 'what ifs' and the 'whys' but sometimes it's best to just put them aside and focus on something else.I hope this helps.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): I know it seems like good news that his sister is telling you these things about him, and he probably to some extent misses you and realises he made a terrible mistake. But I am of the same view as you - he should make the move to repair things with you if that is what he wants. He had enough balls to break your heart so he has enough balls to come and talk to you should he want to repair the relationship. I know we make excuses for them, for eg 'he feels so bad he cant bring himself to talk to me' or 'he is shy' etc. But I truly believe that if a man wants a woman he will move his ass and make the effort no matter how uncomfortable or awkward it will be at first. If he doesn't make that move then you will always be wondering about his true intentions. I was in this situation after a guy broke my heart, I made the first move cause I couldn't get him out of my head (still have a hard time now) and he was a bit of a jerk to me, he eventually tried to make an effort but I already knew that it was too late by then. If you're not a priority then let him go. If you really cant let him go and its driving you insane, go ahead and talk to him, get it out of your system, but I really dont think it will go well; guys are meant to be the chasers when we go to them first we mess with the laws of attraction or something like that. I truly hope it works out for you, and you either get him or get OVER him. xx
...............................
|
