A
male
age
36-40,
*oul83
writes:I caught my gf back on a dating website communicating with a guy living in the same city as us. I told her to stop using the website because I feel uncomfortable about her using it (who wouldn't?).The sad thing is that I sacrificed a lot to come here for her and tried my hardest to keep things together. But now she says she wants to use the site to chat to men. I'm not comfortable with that but I figure that it's better than actually meeting them.But now she's trying to arrange a meeting with a man she met on there. Her excuse is that it's only to chat and that she's not interested in anything else. I hit the roof and told her that I'm not comfortable with it because I watched my aunty's husband cheat on her by using those websites.The very fact that she wants to meet another guy and not tell me about it means she's up to no good. I feel exactly how her ex must've felt when she moved out on him to move in with me.Fool me! A part of me is in denial and saying I should trust it's only to meet for a chat. Why say that? Because there's been a few occassions where I've arranged to meet agents (for jobs) and other women looking to improve their English at coffee shops.So, do I give her the benefit of the doubt?1. It's ok for her to have male friends and to meet men from different countries and have a chat with them.2. It's NOT ok to meet guys behind your bf's back.3. I'm being too insecure? Or too trusting if I let it go?Btw, she claims that she hid this from me because I discovered the older messages showing her communcation with this guy. It's like she's bored of me and just wants to move on. I don't get it because she has been doing many good things for us - she'll buy me clothes, cook (take turns), help me clean. So in many ways things are ok between us. So should I let this meeting slide and just watch closely for actions/phone calls/emails?She's entitled to have male friends - I just feel a bit uncomfortable with her meeting someone off the internet (from a dating website of all sites). I think she has no idea of what a serious relationship is :-/ I've already started looking for apartments a bit closer to my workplace. I was thinking that if things keep going, I will not stay with her. She can take her crap and find someone else to live with.
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different countries, her ex, insecure, move on, moved out, the internet, workplace Reply to this Question
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male
reader, soul83 +, writes (7 April 2010):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Illithid: thankyou! I will be sticking to my guns and have already started looking for an apartment elsewhere.
I simply don't trust her and she has the contract for our current apartment signed in her name...just now she's gotten it out because it has expired and reckons she needs to transfer from the private owner to the real estate agent.
She has to stop this bullshit now or I will 100% make my mind up to walk. I installed a keylogger program to monitor her activity for a while...see if she can respect my wishes or not.
A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 She signed up for a dating site, has been talking to men, and now will be meeting a man? There's a word for that. It's called "dating"
I know you love her, but she has to pick: you, or dating other men. If she won't give up other boyfriends on the side, she loses you.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (7 April 2010):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo both contributers,
Yes it's ridiculous. Her excuse is that she already has me and that she is only meeting this guy for a simple chat because she wants to use him to get information about his science job here in China to aid me in looking for work in that field (my major is biotech) instead of my lower paid jobs as an English teacher. All things she could have ascertained online with him. Not meeting in person.
I told her for the last time to stop using the website. She doesn't seem to understand how bad it makes her look. She just immediately carries on about me not trusting her. Her job is in tourism so of course I have enough trust to still be with her - she's had many opportunities before this to access the site or go off with someone else. Such a sudden change is still alarming though. No amount of her trying to "reassure me" will work anymore.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): I wouldn't tolerate it. There's no way I can trust her if I were in ur shoes. I suggest prepare urself for the worst, let her know exactly how you feel about it and that it's not ok. She might be unstable and those people u gotta watch out for. I'd go for the exit too.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 April 2010):
 Sorry, but using a DATING site when you are living with her as her boyfriend? You moved to be with her? Dealbreaker. That's ridiculous, she's got some strange idea about what constitutes fidelity and what is acceptable behavior.
I'd be looking for the exit right away, personally. There is no way I would tolerate that kind of thinking or behavior. I think she's lied to you by hiding this and now expects you to put up with her actually going out and meeting a man she met on a DATING site? Uh uh, nope, no way, not in a million years.
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